Witness
by Lilaea
Summary: Yeah... I suck at summaries. Let's try this, though. Spencer Reid has a neighbor! And she is hiding something! Ok... Yeah, that sucks pretty badly. Just read this. Reid/OC
1. Kya

**_A/N: Ok… This is the first chapter of a fanfic I've been working on. Coupling is Reid/OC. I have a lot of this pre-written, but I'm going to try and only update once a week to make sure that I don't get to the point where I don't have anything to post. I'm in nursing school… So I'm kind of busy!_**

**_ANYWAY... My idea was to go through kind of the entire series, starting with the first episode and kind of telling it by adding a little bit of Reid's perspective in it. I am not planning on hitting every single episode, but the key "Reid-y" one will be in the story. If there's an episode you would like that isn't in here, just let me know and I can do you a one-shot! _**

**_PS: Sadly, our beloved genius doesn't make an appearance in this chapter, but he will be in the next one… Scouts honor!_**

"Tell me what you remember." Dr. Krystal McGinnis was looking intently at her patient with an expression of hopeful expectance on her face. Her long golden hair was pulled into a tight bun revealing the crow's feet at the corners of her light blue eyes.

_She really ought to wear her hair down more often. _Kya thought, _It could take away ten years off of her appearance easily._

"I'm not ready for this yet…" She could hear the defenselessness in her voice as she doubled over, clutching her stomach as her face wrinkled in pain. It physically hurt her to remember. It was agonizing to talk about it, pure torture to think of it. "Can't we wait for next week? You sprung this on me... I need time to prepare. I'm not prepared to deal with it."

The doctor sighed, nonchalantly sticking her pencil into the bun on the back of her head. "How about you come see me tomorrow?" She flipped the steno-notebook in her lap closed and clutched it to her chest as she smiled at the broken woman in front of her. Encouragement was radiating from her pores. "You have a lot to do today, anyway. Moving into the new apartment, huh?"

Kya tried to smile, slightly relieved by the change of subject. The truth was, she'd managed to put off the discussion for four different sessions now. She was somewhat proud of herself, but she knew that tomorrow she would have to show up with all guns blazing. "Yes. I have an appointment with my new landlord at two." Kya tucked a long red curl behind her ear, and the synthetic fiber of the wig caught her off guard, but she brushed it off and stood.

"I'll see you tomorrow?" Krystal raised her eyebrows in anticipation.

Kya nodded meekly. The thought of another session tomorrow, of _the_ session tomorrow… It was going to torment her all day. She forced another smile and turned toward the door of the small windowless room.

"Oh, wait." The doctor pulled a small bag out from under her desk. It was brightly colored and crammed with matching tissue paper. "Think of it as a housewarming gift. I'm sure you already have one… Or four." She shrugged as she offered the bag to the woman in front of her. "I just figured it could give you a little more peace of mind."

"Oh, Doc…" Kya bit down on her bottom lip. She always tried not to attach myself to my psychologists, although sometimes it was difficult considering they knew every one of her secrets. "You shouldn't have." She held the bag gingerly in her hands, pushing the tissue paper aside and pulling out a huge metal locking mechanism. The smile that spread across her face wasn't out of sheer consideration. Nothing could have been more perfect.

"Now, go. I'll see you tomorrow ok? And remember: You are beautiful, and you deserve the world." She spoke the words clearly and with so much confidence that Kya almost believed her. She nodded and stepped out of her office into the small, marble-floored corridor. She closed the door behind her and took a deep breath. The sight of the solid black Great Dane lying directly outside the door gave her a great amount of comfort. He stood and stretched before picking up the end of his leash in his mouth and nudging his master's hand.

"Come on, Jasper." Kya smiled, taking the leash from him and leading him down the hallway into the lobby of Dr. McGinnis's office.

"Another appointment next week?" Julia Gray, the secretary, looked at her with a nervous smile on her face. The truth was, Julia Gray had a pathological fear of dogs.

"She wants to see me tomorrow." The lack of enthusiasm in Kya's voice matched the reluctance on the young secretary's face. "In the morning, please, and I promise I'll bring Armani instead of Jasper again. I'm sorry."

Julia nodded. "How's 9:00?"

"Perfect." She smiled and quickly led Jasper out the front door of the doctor's office. She sighed, hurrying to the only vehicle in the large parking lot, her four door silver minivan. It was an average car, an unnoticeable car. She stood five feet from the vehicle and bent to unhook Jasper's leash from his harness. She patted him on the head gingerly as his eyes met his owner's. He had a job to do, and she knew that she could trust him to do what he had been trained for. He stood obediently next to Kya while she fished the bundle of keys from her purse. Before she did anything, the Great Dane made three circles around the vehicle, sniffing every inch of the ground around it in a five foot radius. When he returned to her side, she nodded. Using the small remote on the keychain, she popped the locks on the van, then pressed another small button that opened the trunk. Jasper approached the vehicle carefully, and in one graceful leap, he was inside. He moved from the rear of the van, into the very back seat. Then, he moved to the middle section of seats, and eventually to the front. He sat warily in the passenger's seat and let out a muffled bark. She sighed with relief and quickly climbed into the front seat of the minivan and pressed the small button on the remote to close the trunk before turning the key in the ignition.

This is what Kya's life had turned into. Caution. Fear. It was hardly a life at all. She closed her eyes, pressing her forehead to the cold leather of the steering wheel. Jasper whined, nudging her arm with the cold wetness of his nose. She turned her head toward him and gave him an excruciating smile just before scratching him behind his ear.

"What would I do without you, Jazz?" She whispered as she pulled the gearshift into drive. She glanced into the rearview mirror, making sure that her wig was on straight before exiting the parking lot. It was troubling, having to make sure that she was unrecognizable, having to ensure to herself that no one will be able to tell that she's wearing a wig. She blinked away frivolous tears from her eyes as she pulled into the Sheriff's department. Kya hated to cry. Not for the obvious reasons, the showing of vulnerability, the release of pain, the coming to terms with hopelessness. She hated to cry because it bothered her contacts. Her eyes were naturally bright blue, the color of a chlorinated swimming pool. In order to keep her identity sealed, she had put light brown contacts in, turning her eyes a jade green. She parked right next to the handicapped spot at the front of the building. A dark sedan pulled next to her van, and in the passenger's seat of the vehicle was a fully grown Border Collie. Jasper whined slightly, standing in his seat, his tail waving briskly. Kya smiled and opened her door just as the U.S. Marshall in the sedan rolled his passenger side window down.

"Hello, Armani girl…" She patted her other dog on the head tenderly as the collie looked up to her with joyful eyes. She smiled at her and opened the door of the sedan. Armani jumped from the vehicle and into the minivan. Kya then smiled respectfully to the man in the driver's seat of the sedan.

"Marshall James." She spoke his name and nodded in his direction.

"How are you today, Miss Echols?" He was an older gentleman, maybe around fifty years of age, with graying hair and deep set wrinkles in his complexion that gave her a comforting feeling. Marshall Thomas James had been with Kya since she had first left Alabama. He had traveled all across the country to protect her, to make sure that she was nothing but safe.

"It's Valde now." The words almost got caught in her throat. "Kya Valde." She said while tucking a synthetically crimson curl behind her ear.

Detective James nodded, a seemingly solemn look in his old gray eyes. He smiled despite the tired expression on his face. "The red looks nice. I like it better than the black. And, of course, I always thought the blonde was overdoing it. It made you look…" He paused, searching for the right word. "Artificial."

She smiled. Her hair was naturally a light brown. Her mother had always said that it reminded her of her morning coffee, just the right amount of dark and lightness. Kya's chest ached at the thought of her mother. The amount of longing she had to see her mother was unfathomable. "I'm still getting used to the radical change. It's so long compared to my other looks."

Thomas smiled. "As previously stated, I like it." His smile was genuine, and it warmed her heart. He was the closest thing to a father Kya was allowed to have. "Anyway," He changed the subject, "Are you ready to see your new place?"

She nodded, closing the door to his sedan and climbing back into her minivan. Jasper had climbed into the backseat alongside Armani. A small smile played across her lips as she pulled out of the parking lot, following Detective James across the seemingly small yet quaint town of Occoquan, Virginia.

She paid attention to every turn they took, knowing that after Thomas helped her move what few boxes she had, he would leave and she would have to fend for herself in this place. It was pretty, basically what you would expect from a charming little town in Virginia. They pulled into the apartment complex, and she smiled. Even though it was just her and the dogs, Detective James had insisted she live in a three bedroom luxury apartment. Jasper stuck his head between the passenger and driver's seat, resting his chin on Kya's right shoulder. She reached back and patted his head. She could see Armani watching her intently in the rearview mirror.

"This is home now." She whispered to the both of them before opening her door and stepping into the warm April breeze. The buildings were cute, the first two floors enclosed in dark crimson brick. The top three floors were covered with light yellow vinyl siding. The roof was dark red, and every floor had two separate balconies, one on the front side of the building, and one around on the side overlooking the pool. The door leading into the complex was made of dark mahogany and finished with a polished brass doorknob. She closed the door of the van behind her, deciding that leaving both dogs in the car would be a good idea for the first meeting with the landlord. She followed Thomas through the front door and waited patiently as he rapped softly on the a door to the left. Next to the burgundy door in the hallway was a nameplate that read _Benjamin Jacobs, Landlord_ in golden letters on black plating. Kya's heart wretched.

The man that opened the door was the very thing she was expecting.

"Mr. Jacobs." Thomas bowed his head lightly.

"Mr. James." Benjamin Jacobs nodded to the detective. "I've been expecting you." He stepped aside and held out a hand, motioning us to step into his office. "Please, come inside and make yourselves at home."

She followed Marshall James inside the cozy little room and smiled faintly.

"I'd like you to meet my daughter, Kya Valde." Thomas motioned toward the woman, placing a hand on her lower back and guiding her toward one of the five chairs in the small room.

"It's a pleasure." She smiled, extending her hand toward the man.

"The pleasure is mine, Ms. Valde." He took her hand in his and shook it softly. She sat down, crossing her legs and looking intently at Benjamin. He couldn't have been any younger than fifty five. He was wearing a pair of denim blue jeans with a light purple button down shirt that looked well with his shockingly bright green eyes. Atop his head was mess of gray hair that he had plastered to his scalp with too much hair gel.

"How much has my father told you about… My situation?" Kya spoke the words cautiously. She had had this very conversation with two other landlords in her lifetime, but it always unnerved her.

"Well, Mr. James mentioned that you have dogs. That's not a problem around here, as long as they are quiet and housebroken." He informed, which made her nod slowly.

"Mr. Jacobs…" She started.

"Please, call me Ben." He cut her off, smiling as he sat down in a chair across from them.

"Ben," She nodded. "I've been diagnosed with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder." Kya spoke slowly, analyzing his reaction. It was a boldfaced lie. Nothing about her was obsessive or compulsive. She lived the way she lived because she had no other choice. "I'm very particular about the locks on my doors, and locks on the windows as well. I would have to install my own security devices. Is that a problem?"

Ben thought this through for a moment. "Not at all. If you feel the need to doctor up your apartment in order to have peace of mind, then don't let me stop you." His smile was small, but genuine.

She smiled back at him. "You have no idea how refreshing it is to hear that."

He stood, pulling a ring of keys from his pocket. He took off three separate keys and placed them on his desk, scooting them toward her.

"Since your father has already signed the lease, you may begin moving in whenever you are ready. And, Ms. Valde, if you ever have any problems do not hesitate to call me." He smiled again. God, the man loved to smile. It put her at ease for some reason, though. "You will be staying in 2A. It's up on the second floor. I hope that's ok..? There's an elevator on the first floor, but there's only two apartments on each of the first two floors. You'll be the only person on the second floor most of the time. The tenant across the hall from you is away a lot, but I'll be right below you if you need anything, ok?"

"That's just fine." Thomas spoke before Kya could respond. "Let's get your stuff moved, Kya." He opened the office door and hurried her out before she could thank Mr. Jacobs.

_**A/N: Please, please, PLEASE review? I'd like to hear what you think, whether it's good or bad!**_

_**OH! Btw... I'm on Tumblr...**_

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_**http:/ kya - alyce . tumblr . com/**_

_**(remove the spaces)**_

_**I have up to Ch. 4 posted there if you want to cheat and read ahead. There won't be a pop quiz or anything... So, no pressure. (:**_


	2. Spencer

She hurried out the door of the psychiatrist's office, wiping her eyes furiously. Right now, she needed nothing more than a pint of mint chocolate chip ice cream and a nap. She was exhausted. It may not seem like much, to sit there under Krystal McGinnis's critical gaze and discuss the horrific details of her past, but it was mentally tiring to force down the walls that she had worked so hard to construct. What made things seem even more hopeless was the fact that she hadn't even had time to discuss the horrible things. The terrifying things… When she reached her car, Kya glanced around her nervously as Armani did a detailed inspection of the inside of the vehicle. It was also extremely fatiguing to be on high alert at all times, but discussing the past had brought out an entire new level of anxiety in her. She patted Armani's head as she climbed into the van and the dog's tail swayed back and forth leisurely. Kya pulled out of the parking lot and headed for the nearest grocery store, knowing that she didn't have any ice cream at home. She wove through the cars in the parking lot, hurrying inside. She always felt so uneasy being without one of my dogs.

Kya moved awkwardly around the grocery store, trying to hold her composure. She was a broken woman. 25 years old and in more emotional distress than anyone her age should have to go through. She grabbed a few packages of coffee while she was there and hurried out of the store. After paying, of course. She climbed into the van after Armani's muffled bark, and drove relatively quickly, knowing that she could only hold my façade for so much longer.

Therapy. She had been referred after she had first fled Alabama. Thomas had said that with such a colorful past, Kya would need to let go of the trauma. After moving to Chicago, she stopped seeing her therapist. She was getting better, she was healing. Kya took so much pride in the fact that she was able to liberate herself from the past. It wasn't only her accomplishment, it was Henry's as well. She winced as his name crossed her mind. He had thought her to be so strong, so resilient. But, oh… If Henry could see her now. She was back to square one. Strike that, she was further back than square one. Kya was at square negative five. The thought of him… Of Henry, it caused her heart to ache in ways that were too recognizable to her. Now, as she sat at a red light in Occoquan, Virginia, she realized that it had been years since she had fallen to pieces this way after a session. Tears were streaming down her cheeks and making things horribly uncomfortable for the man in the car next to her. The light turned green and she pulled ahead of him, turning into the apartment complex. She wiped furiously at her eyes and sighed heavily. The only thing she wanted was to be left alone in her misery. And yet, the thought of collapsing alone into her bed in tears was even more heart wrenching than facing the pain she was about to have wash over her. Kya walked quickly up the steps of the apartment complex and into the front door. She pressed the door to the elevator button, jumping when she felt someone come up behind her. She turned to face her attacker, then eased at the sight of him.

He looked less than threatening. He was a few years younger than her and he wore a burgundy striped sweater and a pair of khaki dress pants. Kya could see a peach undershirt peeking out of the collar of his sweater. He jumped as well when she turned, his face automatically crinkling with worry.

"Are you…" He paused, as if searching for the right words. "Are you alright?"

She looked at this man. Well, he actually looked more like a kid. His brown hair was slicked back in a way that made him appear to be younger than he probably was. And his eyes were deep brown, looking down at her with concern in them. She noticed how he never managed to keep eye contact for more than a fraction of a second. He seemed very nervous. It was adorable.

"I'm…" She paused, letting go of Armani's leash to wipe her face again. What was the answer to his question? Was she alright? No. No, she was far from alright. She forced an obviously artificial smile and shook her head. It was the best she could do at this point. "I'm fine."

The elevator doors opened and they both stepped on, Armani following behind them. Kya blinked as the doors closed and he hit the 2nd floor button. He must be the other tenant who is away all the time.

"I find it very odd that your dog isn't growling at me." He spoke up again, looking down at Armani, who was sitting unreceptively on the floor of the elevator.

"She's passive. Until she's threatened." She looked up at the man again. And when I say, 'looked up,' I mean it. He was clearly six foot tall, if not taller, which made her seem like a dwarf with all of her 5 feet and 2 inches of height.

"Most dogs are. But there seems to be something about me…" He paused. What was it his boss had called it today? The Reid Effect? "It causes them to be nervous around me. I'm slightly afraid of dogs. For good reason, though. Did you know that there are over 60 million dogs in the United States? And in the latest census, 77% of dog attacks caused bodily harm to the injured dog bite victims? 70% of the attacks resulted in death. And 77% of them maimed the dog attack victims beyond any medical help."

Kya furrowed her brow. This guy knew his dog bites. "I'm afraid I didn't know that." The elevator doors opened and they stepped outside.

"Out of the almost five million people bitten by dogs every year in the United States, close to 900,000 require medical attention. Nearly 400,000 of those people are seriously injured by dog bites. Dog bite victims account for as much as 5% of all emergency room visits in the United States. Over 31,000 people underwent reconstructive surgery last year due to dog attacks." He continued, an enthusiastic expression on his face as he spoke. "Some studies have found that, among all ages of children, the rate of dog bite accidents is highest for those between the ages of 5-9. In the US, children are the most frequent victims of dog bite attacks. The second is elderly men. And the third," Kya watched, amazed as a small smile crept across his face. "Postal service carriers." He chuckled, shaking his head. "Which is funny because most postal workers now use a vehicle instead of walking from door to door."

Kya couldn't help it. She could feel herself grinning like an idiot up at him, but who could blame her? This man had taken every ounce of torture she would have to go through, and tossed it aside as if it were nothing. She extended her hand. "I'm Kya."

"I'm Dr…" His voice trailed off, shaking his head, and Kya thought she saw the faintest sign of blood pooling in his cheeks. "Spencer." He corrected, taking her hand in his and shaking it formally.

"Dr. Spencer?" Kya smiled again, releasing his hand.

"I was initially going to say 'Dr. Spencer Reid.' It's how I introduce myself at my job, but I figured it would be a little formal for this occasion." He shrugged, blushing once more. "Call me Spencer."

"Spencer it is." Kya nodded, then bit down on her lip, thinking. "You're a doctor? Aren't you a little young to have made it through medical school?

"Spencer gritted his teeth, remembering how he had had almost this exact conversation earlier that day.

-Flashback-

"I'm SSA Aaron Hotchner with the FBI. This is Dr. Reid." Spencer's boss motioned to him, and he waved awkwardly in reply.

"Doctor?" David Woodland seemed confused as he looked Spencer over. "You seem too young to have gotten into medical school."

"They are PhD's." Spencer explained. "Three of them."

The man's eyebrows shot up. "Are you a genius or something?"

Spencer suppressed a sigh. He had to explain himself at least three times a day when the team was on a case. And every time, he was met with the same blank stare. He secretly wished that he could meet someone who didn't balk at how intelligence. Someone, other than his teammates, who understood what an advantage it was to be so intellectually skilled.

"I don't believe that intelligence can be accurately quantified, but I do have an IQ of 187, an eidetic memory and can read 20,000 words per minute."

The look on Mr. Woodland's face gave Spencer more than enough insight to know that this man was no different than the others. "Yes, I'm a genius." He gave a small nod, clarifying his statement for the obviously confused man.

-Present-

"I'm a different kind of doctor." He shook his head, going with the simplified answer.

"A PhD?" Kya smiled. It made sense. If he had a PhD in animal health, he would know a lot about dog bites. "In what?"

"Mathematics, Chemistry and Engineering." He spoke the words carefully. The last thing he wanted to do was scare off one of the only women he felt comfortable around. Which was an odd predicament in itself, considering he had just met her. "I also have undergraduate degrees in Psychology and Sociology and am currently working on another degree in Philosophy."

"You're a genius?" She spoke the words with reverence, and Spencer felt his heart leap into his throat. "What's your IQ?" She paused, thinking over her reaction to his statement. She closed her eyes and shook her head. "I'm sorry. How rude of me. You don't have to… Answer that."

"187." He spoke simply, and her responding smile was enough to make him blush again.

"You ARE a genius." Kya shook her head in amazement. What was the probability of her moving across the hall from a prodigy? She blinked, speaking before she could stop herself. "Do you want to come inside? I just bought ice cream and coffee. I planned on devouring them by myself while sitting in a puddle of depression in the middle of my bed, but if you'd like to join, I could move the party into the dining room." She could hardly believe the words had come out of her mouth.

The truth was, as much as she longed for company, every moment she spent talking to Dr. Reid, she was putting his life at risk. But, was she really ready to be alone and face the tidal wave of grief that was going to consume her later?

Spencer looked her over. She looked exhausted, forlorn, and distraught. He hadn't slept in three days, but the promise of coffee piqued his attention. He nodded and analyzed her as she worked the six deadbolts on her door. Six deadbolts. All with separate keys. She was obviously trying to keep someone out. He could tell that she was wearing a wig. The synthetic fiber was more wiry than human hair should have been, and the way she had jumped when he approached her downstairs was attributed to her nerves being frayed.

She managed to get the door open relatively quickly, despite the fact that she could feel Spencer's eyes on her. She didn't worry about him being in her apartment. Not with both Jasper and Armani there. She stepped inside and her eyes immediately fell on Jasper, who was lounging on the couch looking at her. She shook her head. When Spencer stepped inside, the big dog stood warily. Kya glanced back at her guest and saw his eyes widen.

"Jasper. Outside." She moved across the room to open the sliding glass door as the dog unwillingly padded outside. She left the door open as a safety precaution, but she knew that Jasper would obey her. "Make yourself at home. I'm just going to put these away…" She worked busily in the kitchen, glad that she had bought little pints of ice cream instead of a big gallon. She pulled out two separate pints and put the rest away, then put the coffee on. Next, she grabbed two spoons from her silverware drawer and made her way back into the dining room. Spencer was sitting on the sofa, awkwardly twisting his hands in his lap. Armani was laying at his feet.

"Is she bothering you?" Kya motioned to the canine at his feet, handing him his ice cream before sitting on the lounge chair next to the couch.

"She's fine." He answered, looking at the ice cream she had given him."Mint chocolate chip." Kya opened hers. "It's the only kind I eat. I hope that's ok?"

"It's fine." He nodded, opening his as well and taking a bite. "Did you know that according to the International Dairy Foods Association, mint chocolate chip is the 10th most popular flavor of ice cream, and comprised 3% of all ice cream sold in the United States? Timothy McVeigh, the man responsible for the Oklahoma City Bombing. consumed two pints of Mint Chocolate Chip ice cream as his last meal before being executed in 2001."

Kya looked at him, a small smile returning to her face. "How do you know so much? I mean…" She shook her head. "I get that you're a genius, but NOBODY knows that much."

"I have a eidetic memory and can read 20,000 words per minute." He watched her face to gauge her reaction, but her expression only softened.

"What do you do for a living?" She was awestruck. She had never met anyone so intelligent. It was surreal.

"I'm a member if the Behavioral Analysis Unit of the FBI. I'm a profiler. Geographical, mostly, but I work with other aspects as well." He took another bite of his ice cream and Kya's blood ran cold.

FBI. A profiler. He was perceptive by nature. He would find out who she was. He would find out, and she would be compromised. She stood.

"I…" Her voice trailed off. She couldn't just tell him to get out. That would, no doubt, prompt him to look into her background. "I need to go get the coffee." She covered her earlier panic and hurried into the kitchen.

Spencer watched as she left the room, not oblivious to the alarm that had crossed her face. Was she into something bad? That would explain the constant nervousness and the need for security. She had two dogs. Two well-behaved, previously trained dogs. And six deadbolts on her door. She was either into something or running from something. The last of those two piqued his curiosity. Running from something. That would explain the wig. If her identity was a secret, then she would have probable cause to be alarmed when he told her he was a cop. Maybe she was undercover?

"How do you like it?" Kya called from the kitchen.

"Sugar." He replied after taking a while to figure out what she was talking about. "About five tablespoons."

Kya re-entered the living room holding two mugs of coffee. "That's not coffee, Spencer…" She shook her head, managing a smile. "That's syrup."

Spencer closed his eyes as he took a sip. "Did you know that coffee was banned in Ottoman Turkey during the 17th century for political reasons, and was associated with rebellious political activities in Europe? And that coffee prepared using paper filters remove oily components called diterpenes that are present in unfiltered coffee. Two types of diterpenes are present in coffee: kahweol and cafestol, both of which have been associated with increased risk of coronary heart disease via elevation of LDL levels in blood. Metal filters, on the other hand, do not remove the oily components of coffee. And coffee consumption has been shown to have minimal or no impact, positive or negative, on cancer development; however, researchers involved in an ongoing 22-year study by the Harvard School of Public Health state that "the overall balance of risks and benefits are on the side of benefits." For example, men who drank six or more cups of coffee per day were found to have a 20% reduction in developing prostate cancer. Other studies suggest coffee consumption reduces the risk of being affected by Alzheimer's disease, Parkinson's disease, heart disease, diabetes mellitus type 2, cirrhosis of the liver, and gout. A longitudinal study showed that those who consumed a moderate amount of coffee or tea, which is 3–5 cups per day, at midlife were less likely to develop dementia and Alzheimer's disease in late-life compared with those who drank little coffee or avoided it altogether."

Kya could feel the smile on her face, and she didn't mind it being there. "How old are you?" She asked, taking another small bite of ice cream.

"23." He looked at her questioningly, always making sure that he didn't hold eye contact for more than a second.

"Thank you." Kya closed her eyes, sipping her coffee and relaxing into her chair.

"For what?" Spencer was confused as he watched her small smile change to a rueful grin.

"For talking." When she opened her eyes to look at him, Spencer saw a small amount of pain shadowed within them. "You talk a lot. It makes it easier to forget." She moved her eyes down to the dog on the floor, who had risen her head as her master's pain-filled voice filled the room. "And all I want to do is forget." She sighed, pressing her coffee cup to her lips again.

"I study serial killers for a living. I analyze their behavior and try to get into their mind to stop them before they kill again." Spencer spoke up after a while. What was he supposed to say? "I just got home from a case in Seattle. It was the fifth woman to go missing in a period of four months. We caught the first unsub, which is the unknown subject, the bad guy… we caught him rather quickly. His name is Richard Slessman. His mother died when he was 13 and was living with his grandmother. The second unsub, Timothy Vogel, was a guard who protected Slessman when he was in prison and used Richard to help him kill the women. Tim was a handsome guy, worked out faithfully, drove a nice car, but turned out he had…" Spencer paused, his face flaming again. "Very little to offer the ladies during sex so this was his way of paying them back for being cruel to him." He sighed.

"How did you know there were two bad guys? Unsubs, I mean." Kya corrected herself.

"There was an incident… In Boston six months ago. One of my bosses, Jason Gideon, accidentally sent some agents into a building that was filled with explosives." Spencer looked into his coffee mug. It was almost empty. "Slessman taunted him about it, which made one of my other bosses, Aaron Hotchner, comment on how sometimes, Gideon can be two different people. The intelligent, driven man we all know, and the scared, guilty one that he always tried to hide. Which prompted Gideon to the thought of there being more than one unsub."

"The way you talk about them…" Kya studied his face. "Like they're your family." The words stung as they came out of her mouth. She missed her family. Her sister, and her father. Her mother… She blinked, scooting the thought to the back of her mind. Spencer had a fond smile on his face.

"They are. Gideon is the reason I have my job. He's like the father I never really had. I'm the youngest on the team, so they tend to treat me like a kid. But I wouldn't replace a single one of them." He shook his head, finishing off his coffee. He put the lid on his ice cream, balancing the spoon on top of the small container. "I should go." He yawned. Sometimes, even coffee wasn't enough to keep him awake.

Kya nodded, standing. As she did, Armani stood as well, moving to her owner's side. "It was nice to meet you." Her voice was soft. She was terrified. He was leaving, which meant that it would be just her now. Just her and the misery that had been waiting to pounce on her from the moment she had left Dr. McGinnis's office.

"You, too." He took her hand in his and shook it formally. He then watched as she quickly undid all six deadbolts and two chains, one that looked to be made of wrought iron, and the other reinforced steel. She opened the door and he stepped into the hallway.

"I'm away a lot." Spencer started, and Kya stopped to look at him. "But… If you wouldn't mind… If…" He paused to take a breath. He always got so flustered. It was annoying. "I could come by… After my cases. We could talk. I- I don't know exactly what it is that you're trying so hard to forget, but I would be more than happy to help."

Kya moved her gaze to the floor. What could she say? A friend? The thought made her heart swell. She needed a friend. But, on the other hand, growing close to people, getting attached, it always ended badly for her. She took a deep breath and looked up to him again, more than aware that her eyes were filling with tears. She wiped them off of her cheeks and nodded slightly.

"I'd like that very much."

Spencer's returning smile was extravagance. Something Kya had gotten used to not seeing so often in her life. She smiled back as he turned away from her to fumble with his keys. She shut her door slowly and immediately latched all six deadbolts and both chains.

Kya headed straight for the bedroom, walking through the living room and down the narrow hall. After locking her door behind her, she collapsed onto the bed, curling into a ball on top of her purple satin comforter. She yanked the red wig and hairnet off of her head and threw it across the room in a mixture of intense despair and annoyance. This was when the darkness attacked her. She sobbed into her pillow, sobs that caused her very soul to ache. In this moment, she only had one wish. To be able to leave the past in the past.


	3. I'm a mess

**_Alright. Chapter three._**

**_I'd like to thank everyone for reading and subscribing. I love you all. (:_**

**_Also, I'm giving a shout-out to GigglingWoodElf for being first reviewer. Heck to the yeah._**

**_And to Super Sonic Death Turtle for the kind words.- Thank you, thank you, thank you!_**

"Outside the box, outside the box…" Spencer was staring at the screen in front of him. He ran a hand through his hair. How was he supposed to concentrate when the only thing he could think about was his oddly secretive neighbor? He watched the image in front of him again. The video showed a fire in a building across from the students' dorm. The camera pans to the dorm room door, where the boy's roommate, Matthew Rowland, sees a fluid coming in under the door. He stands in the puddle, and sees the doorknob turn before the fluid catches fire and engulfs the boy. Spencer closed his eyes and massaged his temples. No matter how many times he watched this vide, the only thing he could think of was Kya. Kya with her bright red wig of curls that made her green eyes sparkle when she smiled. She was so sad, so damaged and broken. But that smile…

He shook his head trying to clear it. He needed to stop thinking of his supposedly obsessive compulsive neighbor. He needed to focus on his work. She couldn't be obsessive compulsive. Her home wasn't clean enough. He sighed, then stopped.

Obsessive compulsive disorder.

He zoomed in on the doorknob, watching as it turned three times. Three times.

Spencer groaned, resting his forehead on the cool leather of his steering wheel. He was exhausted. He stepped out of his car and shut the door, glancing down at his watch. 2:13 am. He ran his fingertips along his forehead as he stepped onto the elevator. He was in quite the predicament. Spencer knew that if he went into his room and laid down, he wouldn't have been able to rest. There was so much going through his head. He yawned as the elevator doors opened and he stood silently on the second floor. He sighed, fishing his keys from his messenger bag, and slipping the key into the lock. He paused, turning to look at Kya's door. He could see light coming out from under the door, the kind of light that flickered as if it came off of a television. He stopped breathing to listen. The sound of soft footsteps padding across the carpeted floor made him strongly consider knocking on her door. They were rhythmic, moving back and forth across the living room. She was pacing.

Kya shook her head. It was too much. It was all too much. Every time she closed her eyes, the same dream haunted her, tormented her. She held her face in her hands, weeping softly as she paced back and forth across her living room. Armani and Jasper sat in the same lounge chair, following her with their gazes, a trace of sadness in their eyes. They knew. They knew every horrific detail of her life, and it was almost as if her past was fatiguing them as well.

Just then, the sound of a soft knock on the door caught Kya's attention. She snatched her wig from the entertainment center just inside the door, shoving her hair into it in a motion that seemed almost mechanical to her.

"Who is it?" Her voice was clearer than she had expected it to be from all of the crying. She glanced into the mirror hanging on the living room wall and grimaced. Her eyes were slightly swollen, but her wig was on straight.

"It's me." The voice was soft, cautious. "Spencer, your neighbor…"

Kya wiped the tears from her eyes again and took a deep breath, attempting to compose herself. She quickly unlocked all six deadbolts and both chains, making sure that there was a dog on either side of her before opening the door. The expression on Spencer's face abruptly changed from exhausted to instantly regretful the second he laid eyes on her.

"Oh… Is this a bad time?" He glanced down to his watch and moved his eyes from her tear-stained face to the muted beige carpet in a sign of respect for her privacy. "I mean… I just got in. I know it's late… I mean early… But I heard you walking around…" Spencer stopped talking but didn't move his eyes from the carpet. What had he been thinking? Now, he sounded like a stalker.

_I heard you walking around…_

He sighed.

"Oh, no." Kya shook her head, wiping her eyes once more as she spoke. "I'm a mess. I need a distraction."

He nodded, meeting her gaze for a brief moment before glancing down to Jasper, who had moved forward to sniff his hand. Kya grabbed the dog's collar and led him outside, leaving the sliding glass door open to allow him emergency access.

"Come in." Kya spoke softly, and he complied, running his hand along the top of Armani's head as he passed her. She closed the door, relocking all the locks and chains before turning to face him. "Have a seat." She sat down in the lounge chair that was previously occupied by the dogs, curling her legs beneath her.

Spencer smiled lightly, but he didn't sit. He turned to the door, running his fingertips over the cold metal of the deadbolts. "Does it work?" He glanced to her, moving a brown strand of hair from his face from his face. "The locks. Do they make you feel safer?" His eyes were full of complete curiosity, and Kya knew that even though the questions were overstepping her comfort zone, the man didn't wish to cause her any uneasiness by his inquiry.

"A little." Her answer was more honest than she'd intended it to be. "It's almost impossible for me to feel completely protected nowadays." She could feel the trauma of her nightmare shrinking away from her as they made small but meaningful conversation.

"I'm sorry." He shook his head, keeping his gaze from hers. "I can't imagine how hard it must be. I've had my share of insecurities, but I've never actually feared for my life." He turned away from the door and glanced to the living room window, which was bolted down twice and had a motion detector alarm attached to it. If that window so much as moved an inch, everyone within a two mile radius would hear it. "How do these work?" He ran his fingertip along the top of the alarm mechanism.

Kya smiled lightly. "Motion detector." She spoke the words softly as she gestured toward the keypad installed right next to the window. "If someone opens the window, whether or not it's locked, or if the glass is broken, it sets off an alarm that can only be silenced by an eight digit code.

"Wow." Spencer grinned at her, his deep golden eyes finally meeting her gaze. "You really do think of everything, don't you?"

It was Kya's turn to avert her gaze. The truth was, she had to. If she made one mistake, one slip up, she could die. Of course, she sometimes wondered about how much easier things would be if Liam had just done her in that night in Chicago. The thought was making her throat close up. She turned from Spencer, taking a deep breath and trying her hardest to pull herself together before facing him. Finally, she turned back to him, and was slightly unnerved to find his gaze still on her, studying her reaction to his words with sympathy in those distant eyes.

"I'm sorry. I don't really know what I said to upset you, but I'm sorry." He spoke the words quickly, but the sincerity was obviously clear in his voice.

"Don't apologize." Kya took another deep breath. "It's just been one of those days. I told you already, I'm a mess."

The smile on his face was vague, shadowed by some deep reverie he was having, and Kya suddenly wondered what he was thinking. She closed her eyes, shaking her head slightly. When she reopened them, he was analyzing her with a small smile on his face and a look in his eyes that she'd seen once before. He was interesting, quirky with his amber eyes glimmering in the dim lighting of her living room and his dark hair falling into his eyes. But no…This could not be happening. There was no way Kya was going to allow herself to harbor feelings for anyone else, especially this considerate, selfless man who kept apologizing for things he had no control of. There was no way she was going to kill anyone else. She couldn't let herself do that. It's not like she didn't think about moving on. It had been nearly a year since Chicago had happened, and she was lonely. She had no friends in this town, and now, she had a perfectly fascinating man in her living room. She studied him briefly and gave up her former conundrum.

"What are you thinking?" She whispered, hoping that the lowering of her voice would make the words come out more even.

"You're frightened." He stated simply.

"No… I'm not. I don't think you would hurt me." She shook her head, somewhat confused by his answer.

"That's not what I meant. You're not scared of me, it's just…" He paused, searching for the correct words. "Everything else. You're scared of everything else." He nodded as he spoke, approving of his choice of words.

Everything else. The words ripped through Kya's heart like a wildfire. She closed her eyes again and sighed. This was going to be a problem. Spencer was not only intelligent and interesting and distracting, Spencer was over observant. It wasn't really a surprise, knowing what his career was, but somehow, it solidified the situation for her. She tucked a crimson curl behind her ear and nodded. "Sometimes caution is the best asset a person can have."

"Caution, yes." He nodded in agreement. "But what you have isn't caution. You're terrified."

Kya's breath caught in her throat. She immediately dropped her gaze to the ground. "I think you should go." The words were soft, and not meant to be unkind.

Kya thought he realized what was happening. Maybe he didn't, because she didn't even know what she was doing until she was unlocking the deadbolts on the door. She was going to push him out if he didn't leave voluntarily.

Spencer's eyes barely grazed across her face as he watched her. "Kya, if you're in some sort of trouble…" He paused. What could he say? 'Tell me your secrets and I'll help you'? Not likely. He ran a hand through his hair, and did the one thing he always did in awkward or stressful situations.

"We had a case… In Arizona." He held back a sigh of relief as she stopped unlocking the door. She turned to face him, obvious anxiety written all over her features. "A serial arsonist was setting fires on a college campus. The standard profile of a serial arsonists is typically a white male between 17 and 27, that is set off by loss of job or loss of love. The fires at the college were becoming more frequent, and the arsonist had killed for the first time."

"Profile?" Kya moved her hands across the deadbolts, locking each one before stepping around Spencer and returning to her seat.

"The description of the unsub." He clarified.

"And you knew all of this before you even caught the guy?" She curled into a ball in the chair, watching him as he moved to sit across from her on the couch.

"That's what the BAU does." He nodded. "We study the behavior of the unsub and put together a profile to help narrow down suspects. In this case, for example, the use of a stolen flammable substance from the school's science lab suggested that the unsub was either a chemistry student, or a chemistry professor. The last fire that the unsub had set before we arrived, started on the third floor, which suggests that the actual building wasn't his target. Instead it was someone he knew would be on the third floor at the time he set the fire."

"Wait…" Kya furrowed her brow. "A chemistry professor?"

Spencer shook his head, smiling lightly. "No. A chemistry student."

"How did you know it was a student and not a professor?" Kya rested her chin on her knees, looking at him intently.

"Arsonists are socially incompetent. Someone with that amount of social withdrawal wouldn't be able to get in front of a classroom and lecture everyday." He explained. "There was a video of the last fire. It showed the death of the first victim. There's a fire in the building across from the dormitory of the student filming. The camera pans to the dorm room door, where the boy's roommate, Matthew Rowland, sees a fluid coming in under the door. He stands in the puddle, and sees the doorknob turn before the fluid catches fire and engulfs him. I watched this video over and over. Frame by frame…" He shook his head, and Kya's expression changed.

"You watched a boy get killed over and over?" She knew that she probably looked petrified, but she couldn't help it.

"I did." He nodded. "And that's how we caught her."

"Her?" Kya raised a brow, her curiosity taking over the feeling of dread she held only a moment ago. "I thought you said…"

"I said typically. This was a special scenario in which there was a female unsub with severe obsessive compulsive disorder." He spoke cautiously, analyzing how her expression changed again. This time, she looked worried.

"How did you know she had OCD?" Kya spoke the words softly.

"The doorknob. It turned three times. The first three fires were set on March 3rd at 3:00 pm. Matthew Rowland had a class at 3:00 pm in classroom 3 on Tuesdays, the third day of the week." Spencer spoke breathlessly. "Which led us to our unsub. Clara Hayes. We searched apartment and found it filled with religious ramblings and quotes, candles and photos of fire. There were multiple containers of flammable liquids and an article about her childhood. Her house, number 333, had burned down and only Clara survived. Her mother said "My child was tested by God, He tested my child and she came through blessed." Which made perfect sense why she had decided to use fire. She was baptizing her victims whenever she saw a pattern of threes. We searched the campus for Clara or for any convergence of threes where she would feel she would need to start a fire. Security teams turned on the fire alarms in every building, which made the power go out. Three chemistry lab assistants were taking the elevator in the science building when the power went out. Clara had stopped the elevator on the 3rd floor. Pushing the elevator doors open she sprayed the entire floor with fuel, telling them God has chosen them to be tried by fire. We found Clara holding a lit flare, and getting ready to throw it on the three students. Hotch, my boss, the leader of our team, he told Clara to resist her compulsions and drop the flare. She said that she wants to stop, but she can't… So he shot her."

"He shot her?" Kya's voice dropped.

"Just in the leg. She's going to be fine. But if he hadn't taken the shot, we would have all gone up in flames." Spencer shook his head.

"So… You're the reason this case was solved. If you hadn't picked out the sets of threes, you never would have caught her." Kya was impressed.

Spencer felt the blood rushing to his cheeks. How could he tell her that she was the only reason Obsessive Compulsive Disorder has run across his mind?

"I like to think of it as more of a group effort." He corrected her, omitting the fact that she was the cause for his epiphany.

"How is Jason?" She asked the question as if it were nothing big.

"Excuse me?" Spencer felt his eyebrows pull together.

"Jason. Wasn't that his name? The one who accidentally killed all of those agents. How is he coping? Is he going to be ok?" Kya almost cringed at her own words. She identified with Jason Gideon. She had accidentally killed people as well, and she knew that the guilt was something that was impossible to let go of.

"He's…" Spencer had been caught off guard. He was so used to people ignoring him or tuning him out. She had listened to him last time he was here. Actually listened. "He's having some problems. I can't imagine what he's going through." He shook his head.

Kya closed her eyes, and Spencer took a moment of indulgence and analyzed her face while she wasn't able to scrutinize him. She was hurting, but she was trying so hard to cover it up. There was a trace amount of pain in the way she gnawed on the inside of her lip, but she masked it well. He wondered what Kya would be like if she dropped her act, let every single mask fall away from her, and told him what was going on. The next words that popped out of his mouth were a surprise to the both of them.

"You should talk to me."

Kya opened her eyes to stare incredulously at him. "About what?"

"I can help you. I have connections and I will make sure that you are safe." He spoke fervently, every word that came out of his mouth ringing true. He wanted to know her. He wanted to know why she was so afraid. But most of all, Spencer wanted to protect her from what she was terrified of.

"You can help me?" Kya spoke the words softly, disbelief in her voice as she shook her head. "No one can help me, Spencer."

"Sometimes…" He shook his head, affected more than he should have been by the complete hopelessness in her voice. "Sometimes letting someone in is a bad thing. People lie and cheat and hurt you. Other times, though…" He sighed. "Other times, talking about things will help with the healing process."

"I talk about it." Kya meant for her words to assure him, but what he had said had caused her chest to ache again. She wanted to tell him. She wanted him to know her. She wanted someone to talk to that wasn't being paid to listen. An idea crossed her mind, and she spoke before even considering the thought.

"What are you doing next week? Friday? Around 4?"

Spencer blinked. "Nothing, unless I get called in on a case. Why?"

"I have somewhere I'd like to take you." She could feel her throat closing up. Was this really what she needed to do?

"Ok." He nodded almost immediately. He didn't know what she had planned for him, but as long as he got some sort of answer, some sort of idea of how to help her, he would be content."3:30." Kya's voice broke. "Be here at 3:30, and don't be late. I can't be late." She shook her head. "If I'm late, Krystal will-"The sound of Spencer's cell phone cut her off.

"Reid." He answered, holding up an apologetic hand to silence Kya. "JJ, it hasn't even been…" His voice trailed off and he sighed. "Ok. I'm on my way." He ran his hand through his hair, exhaling sharply. "I have to go. Another case."

"You haven't gotten any rest." Kya protested.

"I'll sleep on the jet." He shrugged, standing from his seat on the couch.

Kya nodded, getting to her feet as well. "I'll see you Friday?" She moved to unlock the door, opening it to allow him to step outside.

"Friday." He nodded and turned away from the door as she closed it and hastily locked all deadbolts and chains. Kya pressed her back against the door, sliding into a sitting position. Her breathing was rapid, and her eyes were watering again. What had she just done? Letting Spencer Reid into her life, into her past… It could kill him. She closed her eyes, doubling over. The memories. They hurt her. Being alone hurt her. Picturing poor Spencer standing in front of Liam. That hurt her, too.

**_Yep. That's about it._**

**_PLEASE feel free to leave a review! I want to hear what you guys think, even if you want to tell me to never write again._**

**_..._**

**_Actually, please don't tell me to never write again._**

**_That would be mean. And just uncalled for._**


	4. Nothing Helps

**_Okie dokie, guys. New chapter! THANK YOU to everyone who reviewed and subscribed! Ahhhh! My appreciation cannot be put into words._**

**_Fair warning: This chapter is one of the hardest I've had to write. It is incredibly sad, and I cry everytime I read it. This is what I get for writing while listening to terribly sad songs by Adele._**

"You're early." Kya chewed nervously on her lip as she stepped aside to allow him access to her apartment.

"Sorry." Spencer stuck his hands into the pockets of his khakis. He was wearing a white, short sleeved, button down shirt that was accented with a pinstriped tie. Blue, red, orange, and gray. It was quirky. It screamed his personality. She smiled lightly, then grimaced as she glanced into the mirror. She was wearing a pair of jeans and a purple silk blouse. Around her neck hung an amethyst ring on a silver chain. Her hair was wrapped in a towel to conceal the dark brown curls that would have fallen around her face to her shoulders. Kya shrugged.

"I'm gonna go blow-dry my hair…" She motioned around the room. "Make yourself at home."

Kya moved down the hallway into the master bathroom. She pulled the towel from her head and turned on the dryer. After about five minutes, her hair was dry, and she slipped on the hairnet that was on the bathroom counter. She stepped cautiously into the bedroom to retrieve the wig that sat on the nightstand. Taking it into the bathroom with her, Kya shut the door and slipped it on, pulling the hair into a loose bun and making sure to leave enough down around her face to cover the seaming of the wig. She stepped into the living room and glanced at the clock. They needed to leave in 20 minutes. Spencer was sitting at the dining room table, the chess board in front of him. He seemed to be playing himself.

"So, you just got in?" Kya sat across the table from him, watching as he turned the board 180 degrees and analyzed his own move.

"A few hours ago. I just woke up." He moved another piece and turned the board back around.

"How was the case?" She let her curiosity get the better of her and when he looked up, there was a small smile on his face.

"Palm Beach, Florida." He pushed the chess board away from him, crossed his arms over his chest, and leaned back in his seat. "A bomber. We were working with both Homeland Security and ATF. The first thing we did was analyze pictures of the bomb fragments – they were pipe bombs packed in plain brown boxes. In doing so, we noticed that the mercury switch used in both bombs are identical, and this type of switch is motion-sensitive so the we know that the bomber had to deliver the boxes himself because they could not have been sent through the mail. We discussed the victims and the timings of the bombs. The first victim was a 74-year-old widow, Barbara Keller. Two hours later, Gil Clurman was injured in his driveway, and 45 minutes later the last bomb went off during a television broadcast and killed Jill Swenson, a 34-year-old housewife. The only connection seemed to be a real estate deal of Clurman's that busted and lost people a lot of money. Statistically, bombers are male with a history of criminal activity, and 50% of all bombings are acts of vandalism. Many bombers end up blowing themselves up, so we needed to look into why Clurman survived, how he carried the package so far without it exploding, why he took it to his car at all. Maybe Clurman was on his way to deliver the bomb somewhere?" Spencer watched her face as she thought his words over. "Agent Derek Morgan, another member of the team, stayed in Quantico to piece together the bomb fragments. Once they were complete, he realized that this bomb was exactly like the bombs made by someone already in federal prison. Adrian Bale. He was the Boston bomber that Gideon had confronted, resulting in the accidental deaths. Bale's in prison, but has a cult following. One of his admirers might be copying his designs. That's when we knew we were ready for a profile. The unsub was a non-confrontational man, who was highly organized with above average intelligence. He had a skilled job or trade where he could work alone. He wasn't the type who likes to blow things up for an emotional or sexual release; this man wanted to murder specific people and the bombs were just weapons." Spencer closed his eyes, remembering the look on Gideon's face when JJ had told him what Morgan had said. Chemically, the bombs were made of ammonium nitrate, potassium chloride and aluminum powder. No one uses those chemicals except Adrian Bale. Bale also wrote his addresses in block letters with blue ink, which is exactly how the bombs were being delivered this time. So, Gideon interviewed Adrian Bale, who reminded Gideon that he has fooled him before and now there is another one out there. Bale told Gideon that trusting him was a bad mistake; when he had a chance to kill those six agents and a hostage he couldn't resist pressing the button, the emotional release was too much. Elle Greenaway, another agent, went to see David Walker, a coin dealer with whom Barbara, one of the victims. had an appointment. I figured out, after monitoring Bale's computer usage, that he'd been getting around a firewall in the prison library in order to access the internet. Garcia, our technical analyst, sent him a virus in an email to monitor his keystrokes. He'd been posting to a message board for bomb enthusiasts, and Garcia finds the names of everyone who has been on that site in the last month. By narrowing down the occupations, we find the name of an antiquities dealer – David Walker. Barbara Keller knew her coins were false, so he killed her and set the other bombs to throw them off the trail. As we were collecting everything we have on Walker, a man entered the police station with a necklace bomb around his neck that had been strapped on against his will. We couldn't cut the bomb off the man without thoroughly examining it first, but we didn't have time for that. Since the bomber must be nearby in order to see the police station, police and snipers flooded the area looking for him. A sniper spotted Walker in a storage room in an office building across the street. Hotch and Elle decided to surprise him, since bombers are known for being cowards, hoping that he might give himself up. They couldn't kill him since he is the only one who can defuse the bomb in the station. He says he'll give himself up, but Gideon remembered that, although bombers are cowards, David Walker was a forger, not a bomber. Elle and Hotch run out of the room just as Walker sets off the bomb he was carrying and blows himself up. We only had one option now to save the hostage with the necklace bomb. Adrian Bale. He lead the bomb squad through disabling the bomb until there is just one move to make - cut the red or blue wire. It was intense." Spencer noticed how Kya had leaned forward in her seat in anticipation. "Bale told them to cut the red wire. Gideon turns to the bomb squad and tells them to cut the blue wire. Bale was lying, and the bomb was removed safely. Gideon knew Bale would have no choice but to lie – he told him so in the prison interview about the Boston bombing."

"So, Gideon faced his demon. And he's better?" The answer to this question was more important to Kya than she led on.

"A little." Spencer nodded, smiling again as he looked at his watch.

"We should go." Kya grabbed Armani's leash on their way out the door, pulling the dog along beside her. She locked the deadbolts and followed Spencer onto the elevator.

"Where are we going?" He shifted awkwardly in the elevator.

"Do you still want answers, Spencer?" She glanced to him as they stepped into the lobby of the apartment complex. When he nodded in reply, she continued. "Then stop asking questions. I can't answer them."

"You can't tell me where we're going?" He was puzzled as she pulled him to a stop. He watched as she bent down and unhooked Armani's leash so the dog could do what looked like a detailed inspection on her vehicle. After Armani barked softly from the backseat of the van, Kya stepped forward, climbing into the vehicle.

"I'm going to the doctor." Kya replied honestly. Krystal was a doctor. She was the only doctor Kya could actually see. A private physician was provided under the Marshall service, so she didn't have to go to an office.

"To the doctor?" Spencer furrowed his brow. They rode in silence until she pulled into a small parking lot. He was unfamiliar with the neighborhood, but he followed her up the stone pathway of a small house-like office building. On the door were the words:

_Krystal McGinnis, PhD Psychotherapeudical Trauma_

He blinked. A psychiatrist. Why had Kya brought him here? He followed her silently as she signed in at the window in front of the office.

"She's been waiting for you." The secretary smiled at Kya, then threw Spencer a wary glance. "Who's this?"

"Spencer." Kya motioned him forward, and he stepped next to her. "He's my overly observant neighbor. He's a profiler for the FBI." She spoke the words in a taunting manner that he didn't quite understand. What was going on here? She lead him down a hallway to an office, Armani following close behind her. She opened the door and sighed as she entered the room.

"You must be the profiler." Dr. McGinnis didn't even glance up from her computer screen. Kya took a seat in a chair in front of Krystal's desk. Spencer chose one across the room.

"Dr. Spencer Reid." He waved awkwardly at her and Kya pressed her lips together. Was this a bad idea? She had no idea how she was going to react to today's session, and having Spencer here… Was it a bad idea?

Dr. McGinnis smiled at him. "Thank you for being so good to my Emmalee."

Spencer frowned at her words, but Kya simply shook her head.

"Just sit down Spencer. Sit down and listen." She was dreading this.

"Now… You may begin whenever you like." Krystal pulled out her notepad and Spencer observed the two.

"My memory is a torture device." Kya started to speak after a long pause, keeping her eyes away from the encouragingly eager gaze of Dr. McGinnis. "There's just so much…" She paused again, taking a deep breath. It was true, every word of it. Every second of her life for the past seven years, every single recollection, was full of nothing but apprehension. "My childhood was, in a word, average. I grew up in Alabama. I was at the top of my class. I wanted to be a cardiothoracic surgeon." The memory made her smile. She used to have so much going for her. She glanced to Spencer, who still had questions written all over his expression.

"I've heard all of this before, Emmalee." Dr. McGinnis's voice was urging. "I want to hear about Liam." His name made her breath catch. "About Benjamin and Henry. About your miscarriage."

Kya could see Spencer's eyebrows raise out of the corner of her eyes. She could feel them. Tears were welling up faster than she could hold them back. She wiped furiously at her cheeks as they skimmed down her face.

"Meeting Liam is one of my most prominent memories." She whispered, refusing to meet the two sets of eyes that fell on her. "He was seemingly perfect. He had the smile, the looks, the attitude… I was fooled by the image of it all. We married after six weeks together. We went on a total of four dates before we tied the knot. It was ridiculous and rushed, but we loved each other. I loved him, anyway, and as I said before, I was deceived by his persona." Her throat was closing, and it was getting harder for to breathe. The words began to spill out of her mouth quickly, wanting nothing more than for the session to end. She could fell Spencer's eyes on her. Bringing him had been a mistake. "A year later, Benji was born. He was everything that I ever wanted in a sense of he had his father's looks, but my personality. The abuse started a few weeks after Benjamin was born. It began with Liam slapping me and escalated to punching, kicking, and emotional humiliation in the next year. When Benjamin was thirteen months old, I found a bruise on him. That's when I realized I had to leave. Liam… He threatened me…" She turned her face away from the two judgmental gazes. "I loved him, I really did. I just loved my son more. So I packed up my things and walked into Thomas James's office. The man was a lifesaver. He got me into the program in three hours, and the next thing I know, Benji and I are receiving our new identities and hopping on a plane to Miami." She stopped for a moment and slipped the bright red wig off of her head, pulling a mesh hairnet off with it. The short brown curls fell around her face, which was dotted with tears. She unwilling glanced to Spencer, who was sitting quietly in the corner, and thoughtful expression on his face.

"And how long after being in Miami did you meet Henry?" Dr. McGinnis slid a tissue box across her desk in Kya's direction. She shook her head and used the sleeve of her blouse to wipe her eyes.

"A day. It was bizarre. It was like he could feel how much I'd need him. I was completely shocked at how easy it was for me to fall in love with him after everything that had happened." Kya squeezed her eyes shut. "Henry Valde was a breath of fresh air. I was no longer Emmalee Adams, the broken and abused victim. From the moment I met Henry, I was Emma Swanson, the girl who deserved to be loved." She opened her eyes to look at the doctor. "Liam found me after two years. He was spotted by a member of the police force just outside our apartment. Immediately, we packed up to leave. The thought of having to leave Henry… It killed me. So, I told him. Everything. He came with us. He was Benji's father, he was the one person I could be myself around. I didn't have to pretend with him."

"Tell me about what happened in Chicago, Emma." Krystal was still staring at Kya, her look had turned from hopeful to somber.

"We lived there for three years. I thought it was over. I began to let my guard down. I would even go to the store without one of my dogs." She reached her hand down beside her where Armani was laying in the floor. She ran her hand over the top of the dog's head. "Benjamin was halfway through his first year of school. Kindergarten." Spencer could see that she was almost to her breaking point. He didn't want to hear anymore. Kya could feel the tears coming again. She didn't even try to hold them back this time because she knew it was useless. "He had just learned how to write his name. I was happy for the first time in a while, and Henry and I had decided to start a family. I was three months pregnant when it happened…" She paused again to wipe her eyes.

"What do you remember about that night?" Dr. McGinnis questioned.

"Everything. Every gruesome detail. Remembering isn't the issue, Doc. Forgetting is my problem." She sighed. "It was raining. Benjamin was afraid of thunderstorms, so he was in the bed with Henry and I. Of course, like any pregnant woman, my joints were killing me and I was violently sick every night. I got up, and Henry kissed my hand before I left the bedroom. He told me that he loved me, pukey or nonpukey. He was so good to me…" Kya's voice trailed off as she tried her hardest to keep what little of her resolve was left. "I went to the bathroom and puked my guts out. I was in there for thirty or so minutes. It was normal for me. When I returned to the bedroom, only Henry was in the bed. I laid down thinking that Benji had ran to the downstairs bathroom. The sheets were soaked. Warm, sticky." She closed her eyes and Spencer felt his stomach roll. "I nudged Henry, thinking he was asleep, that he hadn't realized that Benji had wet the bed." Kya pressed her hands up to her face, tears streaming down her cheeks at a steady pace. Armani stood and placed her head in her master's lap comfortingly. "Henry didn't move. I turned on the light and there was blood everywhere. I was panicking when I heard the dog growl. I turned and ran down the hallway, knowing that Liam had my Benji, knowing that the dogs were with him. I found them in the kitchen." She moved her hands from her face and glanced down to Armani. Her chocolate eyes were focused solely on Kya. "Jasper was outside. He was barking so loud. Armani lunged toward Liam, and he hit her. Her head hit the brick wall, and she didn't get up. I stood there and stared at him. Those golden eyes that had haunted so many of my dreams were right in front of me. I couldn't take my eyes off of him, it was like living in a nightmare."

"What did you do?" Dr. McGinnis asked, still watching Kya with the same sober expression. Spencer began to twist his hands in his lap.

"I took a step toward him. Benjamin was so scared, he was trembling in that monster's arms. He screamed for me, reached for me." She buried her face into her hands once again. Any amount of resolve that she had left was gone. She spoke between mournful sobs. "He snapped his neck right there in front of me, as if he was something meant for breaking. He threw our son's body to the ground like a piece of trash, like an old cigarette. I couldn't move, I just stood there like a statue. He grabbed me then. They say that he beat me within an inch of life, they said that he raped me for hours. I don't remember any of that because my baby was dead in the corner, and that's all I could focus on." She stopped speaking and pulled her feet up into the chair, hugging her knees to her chest. "I woke up in the hospital a few months later. That was almost a year ago." Kya's eyes searched the doctor's face for a sign on consolation, but the assurance she needed wasn't there.

"I know you hate me for making you do this." Dr. McGinnis spoke slowly, watching her every move. "It does help, though. Talking about it, facing it, it helps."

"Nothing helps." Kya whispered, wiping her eyes again.

_**WHEW!**_

_**Geez. That's some pretty harsh stuff...**_

_**So, let's brighten up the conversation. Actually, this isn't really a conversation, because you aren't replying back to me at the same time as I am typing this. But whatever.**_

_**Anyway... Please, please, please let me know what you guys think! Reviews are like crack to me. I need them to survive. Well, maybe that's a little melodramatic, but meh...**_

_**DID YOU WATCH THE SEASON 7 PREMIER TONIGHT?**_

_**AHHH. Reid is such a bad ass.**_

_**"This IS calm... And it's DOCTOR!"**_

_**Rawr!**_

_**And with that, I shall bid you good day. (:**_

_**X.x**_


	5. I'm Not Afraid of Him

**_Cripes, guys! Thanks so much for the subscriptions and reviews. Such positive feedback prompted me to update sooner. Thank you to everyone who has read! I love you all SOOO much! (:_**

Spencer couldn't breathe. He had worked with the FBI for a few years now, but he had never seen someone as broken as his neighbor. He gritted his teeth as he drove, glancing over at Kya, who was in the fetal position in the passenger seat of the van. She had slipped her wig back on, but it wasn't straight. He had seen some horrible things, but nothing like this. Nothing as pitiful and heartbreaking as a mother who wanted to die because she couldn't save her baby. He pulled into the apartment complex and moved to her side of the vehicle. As soon as he opened the passenger's side door, Armani leapt over Kya and out of the van. Spencer stood in front of his neighbor for a few moments before he spoke.

"I don't know…" He stopped the minute she looked at him. He couldn't breathe. Her eyes were swollen, and there was a deep sadness shadowed within them. He knew in that moment, that _this _is what Kya Valde looked without her mask. Terrified and shattered. Emmalee Adams. Spencer was frozen. What could he do? He wanted to comfort her, to wipe the tears from her cheeks. He moved closer to her a fraction of an inch, and she moved her eyes from his. He had seen too much of her already. Spencer felt his hand twitching of it's own accord, wanting to shape itself around her face, and smooth away the tears that ran down her cheeks. She closed her eyes, and Spencer felt as if his heart had fallen into his feet. He wanted to kiss her. He wanted to love her and protect her. He wanted to save her. And in that moment, just before he could play out the images in his mind, his cell phone rang.

"Reid." His voice was soft as he flipped the device open, strangled. He stepped away from Kya and shook his head as the communications liaison spoke fervently into his ear. "JJ, I…" He paused, and Kya moved her gaze from his pacing form to the ground. He was going to leave. He was going to leave and she was going to be forced to face the recollecting of these excruciating memories without his distraction. She closed her eyes, trying to mentally prepare herself for the onslaught of grief that would soon assault her. In the middle of her thoughts, she hear Spencer talking.

"JJ, there's no need for…" He stopped, having obviously been cut off. "Fine. Just…" He sighed, exasperated. "I'll see you tomorrow." He hung the phone up and slipped it back into his pocket. His eyes fell back onto Kya, the frustration dropping out of his gaze.

There it was. Kya tore her gaze from his. It was the one thing she hated most about telling anyone what had happened to her. It happened with her doctors, even with Marshall James. And now, it was happening with Spencer. His eyes… She couldn't bear the thought. The way he looked at her, as if she were helpless, as if he needed to save her. It made her feel guilty, as if she was the reason to blame for showing them all that there _was _darkness in the world. But Spencer had known of darkness long before Kya had moved across the hall from him, right? How could he have his career and NOT know the depth of the shadows that obscured her world from his?

"You don't have to go?" She wiped her cheeks with the back of her hand, her eyes refusing to meet his. Instead, she stared down at the asphalt of the parking lot.

"No." The word was hushed, and she closed her eyes at the sound of it. She sighed, her emotions a cocktail between relief, regret, and sorrow.

Spencer studied her. He knew that it probably made her feel uncomfortable, knowing that he could read her the way he could, but he didn't technically consider analyzing her at this moment to be "profiling" per se, since she was already so unguarded. She wouldn't look at him, which made perfect sense to him. He knew her secrets, her weaknesses and vulnerabilities. If he were in her position, he wouldn't make eye contact either. He moved closer to her, offering her his hand. She glanced up to him and accepted his hand, wrapping her fingers tightly around his. He pulled her from the car and she immediately pulled her hand from his. They walked into the lobby in silence, standing awkwardly in front of the elevator.

Kya was grateful that she wouldn't have to be alone right after session. She also knew that once Spencer left, the agony would attack her again. It always left her alone until she was by herself. The worst part was knowing that every moment it remained unseen, it would come back for her threefold.

"Are you alright?" Spencer's voice invaded her thoughts. "I mean… As alright as you can be, given your current situation."

"I'm scared." Kya's voice broke a little more than she had wanted it to. It caused Spencer's heart to ache in ways he was unfamiliar with. Of course she was scared. There was a deranged killer after her, and no one knew where he was. Her entire life revolved around the fear of him coming back for her. And there was nothing anyone could do about it. Or so she thought.

"Of course you're scared." He spoke his thought aloud. "Kya…" His voice trailed off. It felt odd to call her by her simulated name, now that he knew what her actual name was. She glanced up to him as they stepped onto the elevator. In her eyes, there was more fear than he thought one person could possess. "Of course you're scared." He repeated. He wanted to tell her that he was here, that he would try his hardest to protect her. But what good would that promise do if he was away all the time? "I'm going to try, Kya…" He shook his head. "I'm going to talk to Garcia and we're going to find him."

She looked at him. He couldn't quite make out her expression. Angry? Confused? Bitter? Tears filled her eyes and she wiped them away with a blank look on her face.

Kya's heart leapt into her throat. Spencer was making her promises. Well, it couldn't really be counted as a promise, the way he worded it, but it was him assuring her that he would end this. She closed her eyes as the elevator doors opened. Spencer stepped off of it, and Armani followed him. Kya stood still, though. Standing silently in the elevator, trying to gather her thoughts before she could look at her friend after his assertion of his ability to help her. She almost winced as the word 'friend' crossed her thoughts. She had longed for companionship since she had lost Henry and Benjamin. She had craved for someone to share her fears with, her insecurities and her nightmares. And now that Spencer Reid knew every sickening scene from her past, she felt the sudden desire to push him away. He shouldn't be vowing to protect her. It made no sense. Was it right for her to allow him to put his life at risk just for the sake of her loneliness?

No. It wasn't. Kya's need for a confidant gave her no excuse to put him in the line of fire. But, he knew too much already, didn't he? If he was already there, if he was already in the darkness with her, would it be so wrong for her to want to feel him beside her in the shadows? If they were both in this abyss, wouldn't it make sense for them to be together in the obscurity? A faint noise pulled her from her contemplations. The elevator door buzzed as Spencer kept it open. He was staring at her, studying her in that way of his. Analyzing her. For a moment, she wondered what he saw when he looked at her. Did he see her terror, her apprehension in every move she made? Could he tell how completely broken she was just by the way her eyes met his? She stepped past him, fishing her keys out of her purse.

"I'm not afraid of him." She spoke lowly, but the silence between them was so prominent that she knew he would hear her.

"You don't have to pretend with me, Emmalee." Spencer noticed how she flinched when he called her by her real name. He wanted to put a hand on her shoulder, comfort her, but he didn't. "I'm going to do everything I can to find him, to put him where he can't touch you. You shouldn't have to pretend with anyone."

Kya had no clue how she managed to unlock the deadbolts on her door. Her hands were shaking at his words. Emmalee. Only Dr. McGinnis called her that. Thomas had called her by her given name for a while after she had left Alabama, but she flinched every time she heard it, so the Marshall grew to understand her pain at hearing the name. She wasn't afraid, though. She wasn't afraid of Liam. How could she explain this to Spencer? She hadn't even attempted to put these feelings into words for Krystal. She screwed her eyes shut, clenching them tightly as if she feared them popping out of her head.

"I'm not afraid of him, Spencer." She moved into her living room, keeping her eyes shut. She heard him close the door behind him and she heard the comforting sound of the deadbolts being locked into place.

"Then what are you so afraid of?" She felt his hands on her shoulders, and she opened her eyes, slightly shocked. He had never touched her before, other than the brief handshake they shared only a few weeks ago when they had met. As a matter of fact, as she looked into Spencer's eyes, which were full of comforting reassurance, she realized that no one had offered her a consoling gesture since she had gotten out of the hospital. People who knew were afraid to touch her, afraid to scare her. Spencer wasn't. He wasn't afraid of her past. He wasn't afraid to comfort her. He wasn't afraid of Liam.

"I'm afraid of the way it feels to be alone." She spoke the words aloud for the first time.

Spencer kept his hands on her, hoping that he hadn't frightened her. The look in her eyes was revelatory, not terrified, so that gave him some comfort. She wasn't scared of him. She trusted him enough to let him know her. The _real_ her. He watched her lips as the hurried words burst from her.

"When I'm with you, Spencer… or with anyone… When I'm not alone, I can _feel_ it." She emphasized the word to attempt to show him what she meant. "The dull ache, the muffled throbbing of what happened. It's there all the time, every second of every day. When I'm in public, where people can see me, it's reduced to a constant soreness in my chest. It waits. Torturing me, taunting me with the knowledge of what will happen when I'm finally forced to seclude myself." She shook her head, and Spencer wanted to embrace her. He didn't.

"Then, when I'm alone…" She clenched her eyes shut again. "It pounces. It attacks me with such force that it's hard for me to stand. I can't breathe…" She took a deep breath in complete contradiction to her words. "The loneliness, the grief, it seizes me and refuses to let me go. Henry, Benjamin, my unborn child… They're gone. Because of me. They're gone because of me." The tears she had been trying so hard to keep contained spilled onto her cheeks. "I'm alone." The two final words caused her to sob uncontrollably.

Spencer gritted his teeth. He could feel her body shaking beneath his hands. She was terrified, not because a man in a homicidal rage was after her, but because she had lost everything. Because she thought that she had nowhere to turn. Because she thought that she didn't deserve to be pulled from the darkness.

"You're not alone." He whispered the words so softly that he thought he might have to repeat them louder for her to hear them. She looked up to him then, her eyes full of tears and appreciation. This prompted him to continue. "I'm here. And, while that may not seem like much, my team is amazing. And, while I may not be the most seasoned profiler on that team, I'd like to think that I'm good at my job." He pulled his hands from her shoulders. "I'm going to find him. I know that may not be much consolation to you as far as the grief, but knowing that he is away… It will put your mind more at ease and give you time to actually _grieve. _Because you never got to do that. How can anyone expect you to heal when the person who hurt you so badly is tearing you apart everyday? You're being emotionally injured faster than your mind can process that it has another wound to mend."

"Does it even matter, Spencer?" She spoke defensively, because his words had stirred something inside her that made her ache for him. And that scared her.

"Does it matter?" He repeated the question, an incredulous tone blanketing the words. "Of course it matters." His voice was soft despite the anger bubbling up inside him. How could someone literally think so little of themself? How could _she_, in particular, not see what she had to offer the world? She was extravagant. She was beautiful. She was… He paused, taking a deep breath and halting his thoughts. He didn't need to allow his mind to delve into the area it was headed. He could not have feelings for her. He couldn't. It was hopeless. Not only was she emotionally guarded, she deserved way more than him.

"No, Spencer…" He looked up at her words, slightly thrown off. It seemed as if she could read his mind and she was contradicting his thoughts. Then, he remembered the topic of their conversation.

"It doesn't matter. Because whether or not you catch him, whether or not I can be…" Kya paused, unable to say her name. "Whether or not I can be myself," She took a deep breath, accepting that wording better than the previously mentioned one. "It doesn't change the fact that the man I loved, the child I raised, the baby I grew…" She shook her head as a new wave of tears overwhelmed her. How could she even finish the statement?

Spencer understood now. It's not that she felt that she didn't deserve to be out of the darkness. She was unable to function in the light without the people she cared about. In this moment, watching her shoulders quake with each uncontrollable sob, Spencer knew that this discussion was over. There was no point in putting her through anymore emotional trauma than she had already endured today. He put his hand on her back, touching her only slightly as he led her to the couch. She sat, holding her head in her hands.

"Talk to me." She managed to speak between sobs, and he instantly sat beside her. He held his breath for a moment. He was sitting so closely to her that their thighs were touching, and when she leaned back on the couch, the edge of her pinky ran up his thigh. He said the first thing that came to his mind.

"Tomorrow's my birthday." He spoke the words without thinking. His hands were shaking, and he hoped that she wouldn't be able to see their unsteadiness.

Kya looked up at Spencer. "Really?" Her voice was weak, strained. It made his chest throb.

"Yes. I'll be 24." He smiled slightly when her face softened. "You know the phone call I got while we were outside? It was JJ. They are insistent on throwing me some ridiculous party." He paused and Kya almost smiled at his thoughtful expression. Almost.

"You don't want a party?" She wiped her face as she spoke, trying to compose herself.

"I never really had parties when I was younger." He shrugged off her question.

"What?" Kya was grateful as she felt the sting of her memory slipping away from her . "You've never had a birthday party?"

"Not per se." He tried to pick out the emotions that crossed her face. Sorrow? Sympathy? Confusion? "My mom…" He blinked, shaking his head. "I'm not exactly what you would call, 'socially adapted.' I graduated high school when I was 12 and I didn't really have kids my age that I could relate to. I guess you could say that parties weren't exactly my thing."

Spencer watched her reaction to his words. He wasn't being honest with her. He wasn't necessarily lying, but his social awkwardness has hardly anything to do with his birthday parties, or lack thereof. He wasn't ready to reveal his ghosts to her, and a blanket of guilt washed over him as the thought entered his mind. Just because she had bore her soul to him, did that automatically mean that he was expected to do the same?

"So, what did you do?" Her question cut off his wandering mind. "To celebrate?"

"My mother…" He tried not to notice how his tone rose when he spoke of her. He cleared his throat. "She would go out and buy a new book. Chaucer. Or Poe. And she would read to me."

Kya's heart wretched in her chest. She missed her mother. Oh, how she longed for her mother to just hold her for a moment. "Where is she?"

Spencer glanced up to her and something resembling uneasiness crossed his face. "Who?"

- "Your mother." She instantly regretted asking. She felt his body shift away from her on the couch, and she had the sudden desire to explain her questioning. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable. I just…" She paused, taking a shaky breath as he marginally relaxed beside her. "I haven't seen my mother since…" Kya shook her head. "It was two or three months before I left Alabama. She had no idea what was going on, and after I spoke to Marshall James, he assured me that her not knowing would be better for her." She steadied her breathing and looked up at her friend.

"She lives in Las Vegas." Spencer spoke slowly, choosing each word with exact precision. "I've been meaning to visit, but it's nearly impossible while working at the BAU." Spencer paused again. She was looking for comfort from him, not trying to coax him into telling her about his strangled relationship with his mother. "I write her letters. One a day, everyday. I tell her everything, because even though I'm not with her, I want her to know that she's important to me."

"Do you miss her?"

It was Spencer's turn to steady his breathing. He nodded. He missed his mother more than anything. At least Kya could find consolation in the fact that her mother was out in the world living her life. Spencer's mother, the woman that raised him, was gone, seized by her disease. It had been torture for him as a child to see a little piece of the woman disappear everyday. Yet, even in her schizophrenic state, Diana Reid read to her son every night. It was the single piece of stability that Spencer's childhood had to offer him.

Kya stood from the couch abruptly, pulling him from his thoughts.

"I can't believe it's already 9:30!" She slipped the wig off of her head as Spencer got to his feet beside her. Her brown curls fell around her face, and Spencer couldn't help but be intoxicated as the scent of her shampoo assaulted his nose. Cherry blossoms and vanilla. He wanted to run his fingers through the locks, he wanted to bury his face into it and completely inhale her.

Spencer took an automatic step away from her, causing Kya to look at his face quizzically. She saw the blood rushing into his cheeks and she gave him a small smile.

"I should probably try to get some rest." Her voice came out lowly. "And you have work in the morning, so you should get some rest, too."

Spencer nodded, moving toward the door. Somehow, she managed to beat him to it and was unfastening the last deadbolt. She moved the two chains aside and opened the door. He stepped around her and into the hallway, turning to face her.

"Goodnight, Kya." He offered her an encouraging smile. "I'll come by tomorrow."

Before Spencer could process what was happening, she stepped closer to him and wound her arms around his waist. He stood with his hands awkwardly in the air before he wrapped his arms around her shoulders, returning the embrace. She buried her face into his chest and Spencer's immediate fear was that she'd feel how quickly his heart was pounding. If she did, she made no move to step away from him.

"Thank you." Her voice was muffled against his chest, but he heard her words.

"For what?"

His question made Kya pull away from him slightly so that she could look at his face. Did he not realize how many times he had saved her in these past few weeks?

"For being my friend, Spencer." She spoke the words as if the answer had been obvious. "For caring."

He blinked. "I told you the day we met that I would be here for you." Spencer shrugged. "I'm here for you."

"I know." A small smile was playing at the corners of her lips. "Goodnight, Spencer." She unwrapped her arms from around him and he could breathe again.

"Goodnight." He whispered back just before she closed her door.

**_Warning: The next chapter will contain the wearing of a humiliating birthday hat._**

**_Parental discretion is advised._**

**_I'd like to restate that I am on Tumblr! The web address is at the bottom of the author's note on Ch. 1._**

**_EEEK. Thanks again, you guys. This story is very near and dear to my heart. Every review makes me do a little dance. So please, for the sake of my "Moves like Jagger," leave me a review!_**

**_Xx_**


	6. I Loved Alone

**_Birthday assault: ENGAGED!_**

"Garcia?" He had managed to sneak into the technical analyst's office before the birthday assault had begun.

"Baby Genius…" He raised a brow at her nickname for him. "Are you not aware that if JJ sees you, she will pounce like a mountain lion? Are you here to take cover? Because you are sadly mistaken if you think I am going to hide you and lose the opportunity to eat cake in the workplace!" She turned in her chair and pulled out a brightly wrapped gift. "Plus, I already got you a present, and I got it on sale, so there are no returns." She pulled her brightly painted lips into a smile.

"I need you to do me a favor. If I give you a name, could you look up a file for me?" He spoke seriously as he moved inside the office and closed the door behind him.

"It's your birthday, so I will overlook your obliviousness to my skills, but you should know that I am deeply hurt." She turned around to face her computers, typing frivolously and bringing up a search engine. "Name?"

Spencer cleared his throat and didn't speak. Garcia turned around to look at him once more, and her expression changed. The playful look left her face immediately, and she pulled her eyebrows together in concern. "Is something wrong?"

"I just…" He sighed as he spoke. "I need to keep this between us."

Penelope nodded, her sober expression showing her understanding. "Whatever you need. Your wish is my command."

"Liam Adams." He spoke the name slowly, trying to keep the complete disgust behind the words out of his tone. The name had left a horrible taste in his mouth.

"Could you narrow it down? What are his charges? Where's he from? Do you need a picture to identify him?" Penelope scrolled through the names on her screen.

"Arrested for battery, domestic abuse, and wanted for…" He stopped again. He felt like he was betraying Kya by telling Garcia her secret. But he had told her that he was going to look into the case. He sighed again. "Wanted for murder."

"Wanted?" Garcia froze. "Wanted as in, not caught?" She turned to face her teammate. "What's going on?"

"Could you just pull up the file, Garcia? Please?" He shifted uncomfortably.

Penelope turned back around and did as she was told. She cringed.

"Liam Michael Adams. Born and raised in Jacksonville, Alabama. Graduated with honors from Jacksonville State University. Married Emmalee Johnson, two years his junior. They had a son, Benjamin Johnson, and not even a year and a half later, she left him, pressing charges for the assault, battery and domestic abuse. He did six months in prison, and-" Penelope's gasp made Spencer's heart fall into his feet. "Oh God…" She covered her face with her hands.

"Just say it, Garcia." He took a deep breath.

"Apparently, after Liam got out of prison, Emmalee and Benjamin went into witness protection. Liam found them, killed his own son and Emmalee's new husband, Henry Valde. She was admitted to the hospital with severe injuries, internal bleeding, and evidence of a miscarriage." Her voice was shaky as she spoke. "They didn't catch him… And that's all I have. He's in the wind and her trail goes cold. I'm sure I could make a call to the Marshall's office and find out about her if you need me to."

"No." Spencer shook his head. "It's not her I'm interested in. Could you print that file out for me? All of it? Plus, anything else you can find on him?"

"Yes, Boy Wonder, I definitely can. I'll have it ready for you at the end of the day." Penelope turned in her seat to look the young man over. He looked exhausted. "Can I ask how this came to be the focal point of your enormous brain? This isn't even BAU jurisdiction."

Spencer closed his eyes. She was right. How would Kya feel if he told Penelope about her? "It's not really my secret to tell, Garcia." He massaged his temples, trying to calm his whirlwind thoughts.

"Ok." She stated simply, probably feeling the anxiety radiating off of him. She typed a few more seconds and turned back around as all of the computer screens went black. "You look like you're in desperate need of a party." She handed him the brightly colored package.

He answered her with a small smile, pulling the florescent green paper back to reveal a humiliatingly noticeable birthday hat. It was shaped like a cake, for Christ's sake. Before he could comment, Garcia snatched it from his hands and stood on her tiptoes to stick it onto his head, opening the door and pushing him into the hallway simultaneously.

"There you are!" JJ hurried toward the two, giggling as she saw his decoration up close. "That hat… It's so… Festive." She tried to offer him an encouraging smile, but he was mortified as he stepped into the bullpen.

There were streamers hanging from the ceiling. Streamers. And balloons. He blinked and ducked his head. Was this really happening?

"Having fun?" Jason Gideon was staring at him.

"Yes, definitely." Spencer's voice was dry and it had no sign of confirmation of his words. "I am definitely having fun."

"Make a wish?" There was a hint of a smile of Gideon's face.

"Can I take this hat off?" Spencer sighed, looking upwards toward the ridiculous hat he was wearing.

Gideon shook his head simply, a thoughtful expression on his face. "I wouldn't."

"Hey, Spence…" JJ's voice caused the two men to look her direction. She was holding out a piece of cake towards him. "First piece for the birthday boy."

Spencer forced a smile onto his face, pausing before walking towards her. He glanced back to Gideon, keeping his voice in a hushed tone.

"You know, she's the only person in the whole world who calls me 'Spence'?" He shrugged, a small smile on his face as he made his way toward the cake in his teammate's hand.

As mentioned before, Spencer didn't really have very many social skills. Which also meant that he had never had a nickname before. It tickled him to know that there were people who felt comfortable enough around him to give him a shorthand name. He sat down at his desk, holding the small plate in his hands. He took a bite of the cake just as his supervisor spoke up.

"Sorry guys." Aaron Hotchner wore a serious expression. "Party's over."

"I was beginning to wonder if you had forgotten about me." Kya's smile was enough to make every fleeting thought in Spencer's mind dissipate.

"I can't forget anything." His voice was soft as he looked her over, trying to be nonchalant about it. She was wearing a pair of black sweat pants and a red t-shirt that had a Jacksonville State University logo on the front of it. Her brown curls hung loosely around her face, and her normally emerald eyes were a piercing blue. She had been wearing contacts up until this point. He was almost frozen at the sight of her shockingly bright eyes.

"Oh yeah…" She made an incredulous face and stepped aside to let him in. He moved inside, not even flinching when Jasper and Armani came forward to sniff him. He had gotten used to them after being here so often. "So… How was the case? Did you catch the bad guy and save the day, getting awarded a key to the city and whatnot?"

"We did, in fact, catch the bad guy and save the day." He grinned at her wording as he sat next to her on the couch. She folded her legs underneath her and looked at him expectantly. She wanted to hear about the case, but Spencer didn't want to talk about work. This case had been particularly hard on him. Not because the murders were more brutal than he had seen before. Spencer had seen worse. It just seemed that his love life, or lack thereof, had been the focal point of the team on this case.

Kya noticed the way his gaze shifted. It must have been a pretty rough case. "It's ok if you don't want to talk about it." She stood, and he felt lonely from the lack of her presence beside him. She made her way across the living room. "I have something for you anyway." She opened the cabinet of her entertainment center and pulled out a black bandana. He furrowed his brow as she approached him, taking her seat again. She moved toward him, bandana outstretched, and he pulled away.

"What are you doing?" His voice was wary.

"Don't you trust me?" Kya raised a brow at him and she felt him relax beside her. She wrapped the blindfold around his face, covering his eyes. She tied a knot on the back of his head, careful not to get his hair caught into it, and resisting the urge to run her fingers through the curls.

Spencer felt vulnerable and slightly worried. He took a deep breath as he felt her get up from beside him again.

"Where are you going?" He asked, a slightly nervous edge to his tone.

"Calm down, Dr. Reid." There was a giggle in her voice. "I'm right here."

Spencer heard the sound of a drawer opening.

"You mentioned that you didn't want a birthday party, which kind of bummed me out, because I can make one hell of a chocolate cake." He heard the rustling of paper. "So, I wracked my brain trying to find out what to get you for your birthday. And I finally came up with this." He felt her sit next to him again.

Kya scooted close to him, laying her legs across his lap so she could study his face. His cheeks burned bright red.

"What are you doing?" He shifted uncomfortably.

"Don't worry, Spencer." She chuckled. "I'm not trying to seduce you."

The words made his blush even more. The feel of her legs laying across his lap made him want to put his hand on her knee. Instead, he kept them awkwardly at his sides.

"In visions of the dark night

I have dreamed of joy departed-

But a waking dream of life and light

Hath left me broken-hearted.

Ah! what is not a dream by day

To him whose eyes are cast

On things around him with a ray

Turned back upon the past?

That holy dream- that holy dream,

While all the world were chiding,

Hath cheered me as a lovely beam

A lonely spirit guiding.

What though that light, thro' storm and night,

So trembled from afar-

What could there be more purely bright

In Truth's day-star?"

Spencer couldn't keep the smile off of his face. Edgar Allan Poe. She was reading Edgar Allan Poe to him for his birthday. He reached up and untied the knot on the back of his head, removing the blindfold. When his eyes met hers, he saw a look of shock cross her face. What did she see when she looked at him? Could she see the way this simple action affected him?

Kya's breath caught in her throat. His eyes. They were full of such emotion that it paralyzed her. Kya felt the book of poetry fall into her lap. She felt Spencer's hands grab the book and she watched him as he thumbed through it over her lap, stopping on a page. He closed the book, reciting an excerpt from the poem from memory.

"From childhood's hour I have not been

As others were; I have not seen

As others saw; I could not bring

My passions from a common spring.

From the same source I have not taken

My sorrow; I could not awaken

My heart to joy at the same tone;

And all I loved, I loved alone."

"It's beautiful." Kya couldn't breathe. His lips had wrapped around each word like an embrace. Every line had been music.

"It's my favorite." He confessed, looking back down at the closed book in his hands, which had finally rested on top of her legs..

"It's my favorite now, too." She laid her head against the back of the couch.

"Did you know that no one knows the exact cause of Edgar Allan Poe's death?" He looked up to her, and she shook her head.

"Really?" Kya smiled. She loved when Spencer talked to her about random things.

"Really." He nodded. "His death has been speculatively attributed to alcohol, brain congestion, cholera, drugs, heart disease, rabies, suicide, and tuberculosis. But there isn't an actual cause of death on record. He also secretly married Virginia Clemm, who was his cousin. He was 26 and she was 13, though she is listed on the marriage certificate as being 21."

"He married his cousin?" Kya raised a brow. "That's ridiculous."

"First cousin." Spencer nodded. "Though some people presume that the couple's relationship was more like that between brother and sister than like husband and wife in that they might have never actually consummated their marriage."

"Wow." She shook her head as Spencer's phone rang. Kya gritted her teeth. She hated when he got calls from work. At any moment, they could steal him away from her. He shot her an apologetic look before flipping the phone open and holding it to his ear.

"Garcia?" He spoke softly.

"I have what you asked for, my lovely." Penelope's voice was somewhat cheerful. "And, yes, before you even say it, I am fully aware of how amazing I am."

A smile twitched at his lips as he carefully removed Kya's legs from his lap to stand. In response, Kya made a slightly disappointed noise, and Spencer moved the phone from his ear, covering the mouthpiece with his hand.

"This won't take long. I'm not getting called in." He promised, and Kya absentmindedly pointed toward the sliding glass door. He nodded and stepped onto the balcony, closing the glass behind him. "Ok. What have you got?"

"First things first, lover boy…" Garcia's voice was slightly excited. "Was that a girl I heard you talking to?"

**_Ack. Sorry the ending is so... Cliff-hangy..._**

**_So, I HAD to mention the amazing hat that Spencer is wearing in the episode associated with this chapter. Why? Because it is too perfect to describe. The episode is 1x04. If you have not seen this episode, look up the picture of him and his hat. Just too adorable for words._**

**_Ok, now that I am done gushing about Matthew and his ability to wear phenomenal hats..._**

**_EEK! TYTYTY to everyone who has subscribed, alerted, and reviewed! Each and every piece of feedback has been nothing but encouraging, and I can't even begin to tell you guys how much that means to me. This story is my baby, and seeing such a positive reaction to it... I almost cry with every review I get. So, please... Keep giving me your thoughts on this. I know the direction I am wanting it to take, but each person's advice helps me shape it a little more._**

**_I love you guys. Thank you for reading!_**

**_XxX_**


	7. Bad Dreams

**_sdefcfvgbnjm,dfghjkbgfjbvlf_**

**_This new season of Criminal Minds is trying to kill me. And that's all I'm going to say about that._**

**_THANK YOU to everyone who reviewed, subscribed, alerted, favorited... You guys are such an inspiration!_**

**_I love**_love_****_love_****_love**_love_****_love_****_love_****_love_****_love you all. Seriously. (:_**_**_**

Spencer could feel his face heating. "Could we focus, please?" He tried to dodge the subject. "What have you found on Adams?"

"Your avoidance of my question is all I needed to hear, young one." Penelope giggled, and Reid groaned. "Who is she? Is it JJ? Because Gideon might have hinted to me that-"

"Garcia, please…" He was exasperated. "She's my neighbor, ok? And we are _just friends_. Now will you please just tell me what you have for me?"

"Fine." He heard the sound of frivolous typing and she paused. "Liam Adams had about ten different aliases before he got married to Emmalee Johnson. Each of which had exactly seventeen different bank cards attached to it. So, logic is telling me that if his former aliases used seventeen different cards, his current alias would have the same number, right?"

Spencer sighed, a mixture of relief and anxiety washing over him. "Any hits?"

"So far, I've got three hundred and fifty six in the US. Logic would also tell me that geographically, he would be within a three state radius of the former Mrs. Adams. So, I'm going to call the Marshall's office after I get off the phone with you to at least get an idea of where she is. Then, I can narrow it down further." He could hear the smile in her voice, but Spencer's heart leapt into his throat.

"No." He spoke maybe a little too quickly. "No need for that. Just… Print off the list of people with the cards and send leave it on my desk?"

"Will do." Penelope spoke slowly. "Will you tell me what's going on, Reid?"

"I can't." He spoke honestly.

"Reid, if you're in some sort of trouble…"

"I'm not in any trouble, Garcia." Spencer tried to reassure her. "This case… This unsub…" He shook his head, looking for the words to explain. "I'm not going to be able to sleep until I find him."

"Why, Reid? This isn't even a BAU case. I'm worried about you…" He knew that she was telling the truth. Spencer could hear the concern laced through every word she spoke.

"I'm fine, Garcia. I'll see you tomorrow, ok?" He didn't give her time to reply as he snapped the phone shut. He opened the back door and stepped back into Kya's apartment. The two dogs lifted their heads as he entered the living room. His eyes fell on his neighbor, his friend. She was still curled on the couch. Her eyes had drifted shut and she was hugging her knees tightly. He took a deep breath and pulled the afghan off of the back of the recliner and spread it over her. He tucked it around her and stepped away rather quickly, trying not to notice how being close to her made his breathing speed. He turned away from her and moved toward the door.

Just as he was opening the door to his own apartment, he heard her shrill scream. Spencer dropped his keys, rushing the few feet across the hallway and into her living room. She was sitting up on the couch her hands covering her face as her entire body shook. She glanced up at him, cutting her scream off as a moment of clarity washed over her. She moved her hands from her face and wrapped them around herself, a strangled sob erupting from her throat as she buried her face into her knees.

"Kya…" Spencer sat next to her. He resisted the urge to pull her sobbing form into his arms, to assure her that she was alright by holding her tightly. Instead, ran his hand along the top of her head, awkwardly patting her like a dog. "It was a dream. You're ok."

Kya shook her head. No. She was not ok. She would never be ok again. She quieted her sobs but kept her face hidden in her knees. There was a steady stream of tears running down her face.

"I can't sleep." She muttered, her emotions a cocktail of hopelessness and frustration. "I try, Spencer, I really do." She glanced up to him for a fraction of a second before hiding her eyes from his once more. "Two or three hours a night. That's all I get. And even those few precious hours aren't restful. Every time I close my eyes…" She couldn't finish the thought. Her hands balled into fists and she stood abruptly, throwing them into the air in exasperation. Liam. He was there. Always there. Waiting for her to find any moment of peace so he could steal it from her. Just like he had stolen Henry. Like he had stolen Benjamin. He had turned her life into a constant nightmare. She hated him. She sank to the floor, sitting cross-legged, rocking slowly back and forth, wadding her hands into her hair.

Spencer watched her, unaware of what he should do. There was no way to make this better. There was no way for him to make the nightmares disappear. His chest ached at the sight of her so hopeless, so angry.

"Sometimes I wonder why he didn't just kill me, you know?" She didn't look up from her lap, and Spencer was grateful for that, because there was no way he could mask the look of horror that had replaced his worried expression. "I mean… He had me there. Why did he let me live?"

"Kya…" His voice was right next to her ear, and she jumped at his closeness. She looked up at him, and he was just inches from her. "Do you want to hear about the case I worked on this past week?"

Spencer was desperate. As much as he hated the idea of remembering his team's joking, he needed to distract her. If it had been under any other circumstances, he would have found the situation comical. She needed to feel better, so why not tell her about a serial killer he had caught recently? It made him realize, though, that the terrors he faced everyday were nothing like the things she had faced in her past. And possibly her future. He blinked, almost gawking at the thought. No. He would never let Liam touch her. Not again. Ever. He was pulled from his pondering when she nodded, tightening her arms around her knees.

"In San Diego. We went to investigate the rapes and murders of housewives all within the same general neighborhood. The local authorities called him The Tommy Killer." Spencer paused.

"Tommy killer?" Kya's voice was broken, weak. Spencer closed his eyes.

"He glued his victims' eyes open." Spencer clarified. "The most recent victim had been strangled with a very thin wire, and her hands and feet had been duct-taped together. The killer brought everything he used with him and took it with him when he left. Messages had been left on mirrors beginning with the fourth victim, a 17th century love ballad, written to portray a conversation between Death and a woman, where the woman begs Death for her life."

"That's an interesting thing to write about." Kya closed her eyes as she spoke.

Spencer couldn't keep the smile from his face. "In the Renaissance, many writers used conversations with Death as a literary device." he spoke confidently, despite how his words had been taken the last time he had brought this up. He knew Kya, or he'd like to think he did. She would not react to his words the was the rest of his team did. What was it Morgan had said?

_No wonder you can't get a date._

And JJ. The way she had looked at him. It was as if he had been speaking Latin to her. He almost smiled at the thought. He _could _have spoken Latin to her.

"That's so fascinating." Kya's words brought him back to reality. "It's an interesting take on poetry. I'm going to have to Google it sometime."

Spencer nodded. "Upon further observation of the crime scenes, Gideon and Morgan realized that the unsub had taken all of the victim's possessions to her bedroom and smashed them. And after analyzing the verses of the poems written at the crime scenes, I realized that the unsub was only telling half of the story. The verses he wrote were only of Death speaking, never giving the woman a chance to reply. We also got a call in for an attempted rape. This suspect wasn't our unsub, though, because he wore a ski mask, which tells us that he was planning on keeping his victim alive. Nevertheless, we arrested the rapist and made it out to look as if we had caught the Tommy Killer."

"Why did you make it look like you caught him if you didn't?" Kya's question made him smile. Her voice was stronger, and he was grateful to be able to give her a distraction.

"Because his need for his victims' eyes to be open, and his lack of offering the woman a chance to reply in the poems that he leaves, it all points to him being self-conscious. He needs these women to see him, he needs everyone to see him. So, when we made it look like we had caught him, it infuriated him."

"And that's what you wanted to do? You wanted to make him angry?" Kya furrowed her brow as she spoke, and Spencer resisted the urge to smooth his fingertip over the little wrinkle between her eyes when she made the expression. "Wouldn't that just makes things more complicated?"

"Quite the contrary. In an instance like this, the unsub's desire to be noticed will over-ride his anger." He spoke slowly. "He called into the station to let us know that he was still at large. He told us that he would strike again the following day."

"And you were able to trace the call?"

"That was our initial reason behind getting him angry. We had Garcia ready for the trace, but when he called in, we got nothing." He shook his head, remembering the feeling of desperate intensity the situation caused to stir within him.

"So, you knew that he was going to kill again, and all you had to go on was his previous crimes?" Kya bit down on her bottom lip. "And a timeline."

"That's usually the case anyway." He shrugged. "We stationed policemen all over the affected neighborhood. I'm not entirely sure how Gideon came to this conclusion, but he realized that the unsub was facing all of his victims toward the telephone poles. Which meant that the killer was a technician. Morgan and I go to the phone company after Garcia gets us a name. Frank Graney." He chewed on the inside of his cheek. "The team finds him, captures him, and, as you would say, saves the day."

"The victim?" Kya glanced up, her eyes meeting his. "The one he was going to kill that day. Did she survive?"

"Yes." He nodded, noticing her letting out a sigh of relief. "It was a good ending to the story."

Kya leaned back against the foot of the recliner. "Is it always?" She asked, closing her eyes as her head laid on the seat of the chair. "Is it always a happy ending?"

Spencer thought over his answer. He wished he could tell her that it was. He wished he could tell her that he always managed to save the people targeted by these sick individuals. But he couldn't. And that caused his chest to throb. He may not be able to save everyone, but he could save her, right? He _would_ save her.

"Unfortunately, the endings are sometimes less than happy." He answered her question and heard her deep sigh.

"That sucks." She groaned, sitting up and getting to her feet.

Spencer suppressed a yawn and Kya glanced up at him.

"Have you slept since you got home?" She asked, looking him over for the first time. The circles underneath his eyes were darker than they usually were. When he shook his head meekly in reply, she crossed her arms.

"When's the last time you slept more than four hours?" He countered. Her gaze hit the floor. "Did you know that the record for the longest period without sleep is 18 days, 21 hours, 40 minutes during a rocking chair marathon. The record holder reported hallucinations, paranoia, blurred vision, slurred speech and memory and concentration lapses. It's also impossible to tell if someone is really awake without close medical supervision. People can take cat naps with their eyes open without even being aware of it. Anything less than five minutes to fall asleep at night means you're sleep deprived. The ideal is between 10 and 15 minutes, meaning you're still tired enough to sleep deeply, but not so exhausted you feel sleepy by day. The continuous brain recordings that led to the discovery of REM (rapid eye-movement) sleep were not done until 1953, partly because the scientists involved were concerned about wasting paper. No-one knows for sure if other species dream but some do have sleep cycles similar to humans. Elephants sleep standing up during non-REM sleep, but lie down for REM sleep. Some scientists believe we dream to fix experiences in long-term memory, that is, we dream about things worth remembering. Others reckon we dream about things worth forgetting - to eliminate overlapping memories that would otherwise clog up our brains. Dreams may not serve any purpose at all but be merely a meaningless byproduct of two evolutionary adaptations - sleep and consciousness. Seventeen hours of sustained wakefulness leads to a decrease in performance equivalent to a blood alcohol-level of 0.05%. The NRMA estimates fatigue is involved in one in 6 fatal road accidents. Exposure to noise at night can suppress immune function even if the sleeper doesn't wake. Unfamiliar noise, and noise during the first and last two hours of sleep, has the greatest disruptive effect on the sleep cycle. Tiny luminous rays from a digital alarm clock can be enough to disrupt the sleep cycle even if you do not fully wake. The light turns off a "neural switch" in the brain, causing levels of a key sleep chemical to decline within minutes. Most of what is known about sleep we've learned in the past 25 years."

Kya blinked after he stopped talking. "Wow. I appreciate the random facts, Spencer, I really do. One day, you are going to help me win Jeopardy." She smiled lightly. "But seriously. Stop changing the subject." She placed her hands on her hips. "Get out of my apartment and get some sleep."

Spencer smiled, getting to his feet. "Fine." He joked. "I'm able to tell when I'm not wanted." He turned to face her. "Some studies suggest women need up to an hour's extra sleep a night compared to men, and not getting it may be one reason women are much more susceptible to depression than men." He paused. "You should try some meditations, take a hot bath, or drinking herbal tea. Eat a light snack such as milk or yogurt before bed. Both contain calcium and tryptophan, which can have a relaxing effect. Maybe you could even try burning some lavender incense to help you relax?" He spoke slowly.

Kya smiled softly. **"**Thank you." She wrapped her arms around him. This time, Spencer was prepared for it. He instinctively embraced her back, trying not to notice how her hair smelled.

He stepped into the hallway once she released him. He closed his eyes as he bent to pick up his keys. He had forgotten that he had dropped them earlier. He opened his door and made a beeline for his bedroom, ripping his tie off. He collapsed into bed, laying facedown on the mattress. He was exhausted. Spencer closed his eyes, but sleep didn't come to him as he had hoped. There were so many thoughts whirring around in his head, it was impossible to relax enough to get rested. He wanted to listen for her, to make sure that she was getting the rest she needed. He wanted to go to the office and look at the file that Garcia had put on his desk for him. He wanted to find Liam. He wanted to make sure that Kya had nothing to be afraid of anymore. He wanted to protect her. But could he? He was gone so much, it wouldn't be hard for Liam to show up when he was away on a case. Who would help her then? Spencer sighed, turning his face from the mattress, pressing his cheek against the coolness of his bed sheets. Another yawn ripped through his chest. He wanted to sleep. He wanted so many things. Right now, though, in this moment, he was surprised by what he wanted more. Usually physical necessities were more important to him than emotional ones. As he lay there, fighting sleep, the only thing he wanted was to be able to make himself believe that he could save her.

_**Yeesh. Kinda angsty. And sweet. Mostly sweet. I really love writing what's going on in Spencer's head. Like... Alot.**_

_**hgfghjkhgfhjhgvjk,mnjbhf.**_

_**Sorry. I'm in a decent mood today. (:**_

_**Which leads me to tell you that you should be my friend on facebook! For story-related updates and whatnot.**_

_**...**_

_**And because I love each and every one of my readers and I would love the chance to get to know you guys.**_

_**So, I'm just gonna leave this link right here:**_

_**www . facebook . com / AnnasMommy**_

_**And you can do with it whatever you wish. If you just happen to decide to put it in the address box on top or your browswer, though, you should remove the spaces. (:**_

_**Frack. Ok. I better stop typing now. I hope you liked the new chapter! And I will update next week. In the meantime, if you feel the need to leave me a review, PLEASE do so.**_

_**XxX**_


	8. I Promise

**_OHMIGOODNESS... _**

**_Sorry, I'm going to gush about last night's episode of Criminal minds. If you haven't seen it yet, please skip ahead._**

**_ "Hi! This is Dr. Spencer Reid! I actually CAN come to the phone right now with a very special message that your mother is a-"  
>"Reid!"<em>**

**_Just. Seriously. And then, what he did to Morgan at the end._**

**_Spencer Reid: Prank Master. I'm kind of excited to see how it's going to play out through the rest of the season._**

**_hvbkidunggv. Okay. ANYWAY. Here is the next chapter. Squee! I hope you guys like it!_**

"Do you want to talk about it?" Kya blinked as Spencer laid his badge on the table just inside his doorway. He held a small pistol in his hand. It looked, to Kya, who knew her way around a gun, like a Glock. She could tell that this case had been particularly hard on him. He had been stressing about his firearms qualifications test, so much so that he had offered her little information on his previous case. Something about twins…? She shook her head as she looked at him, holding the gun in his flat palms. Now, as he glanced up to her, she could see a deep emotion in his eyes. Pain? Guilt?

"Sit." She patted the spot next to her. She was sitting on his couch, which was an odd experience in and of itself. It was the first time she had been inside his apartment. It was decorated with burnt oranges and dark reds, kind of reminiscent of Halloween. "Talk to me, Spencer."

He made sure the safety of his gun was on and pulled the small locking gun case from the drawer hidden within the table and put the weapon away. She knew that he had failed his qualifier, because he had called her afterward to vent about not passing. There was curiosity and worry in her eyes as she looked at him, but she asked no questions. She just wanted him to talk to her. He sighed. It was almost as if she could read his mind, as if she knew exactly what he needed her to say to him.

"I killed a man yesterday." He tried not to notice how she flinched at his words. Kya steadied herself as he sat next to her, loosening his tie.

"What happened?" She furrowed her brow. She usually didn't inquire about his job, because he was generally so willing to share. But this time… He couldn't just leave it at that. She needed to know what happened. Spencer was so _good_. So innocent, despite the horrors he faced everyday. It was something she admired about him, something that made her feel safe with him. He was not a threat, but he was protection. The thought of him taking a life… It made her breath catch.

Spencer seemed to understand. "Illinois." He spoke slowly, the words leaving a horrible taste in his mouth. "There had been three shootings in public places. In the first shooting, there was one victim, who didn't survive. The second shooting, there were two victims. Both survived. In the third, there were three victims. All three survived."

"If he was leaving his victims alive, why didn't they just tell the police who the shooter was?" Kya asked, slightly agitated that he was starting at the beginning of the story.

"He shot them from a distance. With a sniper-rifle. None of the victims saw anything." He replied, watching as her eyebrows shot up.

"A sniper? There was a sniper loose in Illinois killing random people?" Kya shuddered.

"The FBI calls them LDSK - Long Distance Serial Killers." Spencer corrected her. "We don't use the word, 'sniper,' for a variety of reasons. The main reason, though, is because snipers are professional marksmen. And, until yesterday, the BAU had yet to catch an LDSK based on a profile"

Kya nodded at his words. "I have a record-breaker in my midst." Kya attempted to lighten his mood, but he remained serious.

"Because he was allowing his victims to live, it lead us to a local hospital." He paused for a moment, knowing that there was a question that needed to be asked.

"Hospital? Why would you automatically go to a hospital?" Kya's question did not disappoint.

"Its something we profilers call a 'Hero Homicide.' Richard Angelo, a hospital nurse, injected toxins into patients so that he could help revive them. He killed 25 people, and attacked many more that he was able to save. The basic profile describes these killers as arrogant, conceited, and egotistical." Spencer analyzed Kya's face as he spoke. She nodded at his words. "He puts his victims in danger to get the glory of helping them come back to life."

"So, you found out who the guy was?" She asked, completely engrossed in his tale.

"He was an ER nurse." Spencer nodded, then closed his eyes. "Hotch and I were in the ER questioning the nurses when…" He paused, taking a breath, and Kya felt her eyes widen. "He hit me with the butt of his rifle, then made Hotch throw his gun away. I have no idea how he did it…" Spencer looked down at his hands. "But Hotch managed to get into the guy's head while he was holding us at gunpoint." His eyes moved up to Kya, who was chewing nervously on her lip. It accredited his story-telling skills that he had made her so nervous, since she obviously knew how the story ended. "He told the unsub that I was a pain in his neck… And that I had done nothing but whine for the past three years, and he asked if, since we were going to die anyway, he could get a chance to 'kick the snot out' of me before he died. The unsub, ever the cynic, agreed. The thing that Phillip Dowd doesn't know about Hotch is this: He carries two guns. One in the holster on his hip, and one around his ankle. As Hotch is kicking me, I manage to grab his extra gun." Spencer's gaze fell back to his hands. "Front site, trigger press, follow through." He paused, refusing to meet Kya's imploring eyes. "I killed him."

He took a deep breath, closing his eyes. He felt her arms wrap around his shoulders, and he immediately was blanketed with relief. He wasn't really sure what was bothering him more: The fact that he had killed a man, or the fact that none of the men on Garcia's list were within three states of Virginia? Being in such an intense situation, where he could have died, it made Spencer prioritize. If he was killed, if, by some act of God, he didn't come home one day, who would take care of his mother? Who would protect Kya? Who would distract her from her pain?

"I'm sorry you had such a bad day yesterday." Her arms were still around him. She rested her cheek on his shoulder, and the sound of her voice made him smile. It was like that a lot lately. Her voice was the only thing that was keeping him afloat. He had to figure out where Liam was. He had to make sure that she stayed safe. How could he ensure her safety if he kept putting his life on the line so recklessly? It was a vicious cycle. He couldn't leave the BAU. As much as Kya meant to him, he loved his job. He loved his team. Plus, it would be counter-productive to do away with his resource for information.

She yawned, scooting closer to him to get comfortable and causing him to look at the clock. 2 am. He shook his head. Stupid, stupid Spencer. He had been so worked up over his frustrations that he had knocked on her door without even checking the time.

"I didn't realize how…" His voice trailed off as he glanced down at her. She had curled herself into a ball, resting against him, her arms around his neck, and fell asleep. Spencer closed his eyes, leaning into the corner of the couch and kicking his shoes off before propping his feet up on the coffee table. His own yawn overtook him and he closed his eyes, leaning his head back. His eyelids slid shut and he drifted into a dreamless sleep.

"Tardif Dyskinesia…" Spencer thought aloud.

"Once more, for those of us without an encyclopedic memory?" Derek Morgan spoke from across the room, causing Spencer to roll his eyes.

"Severe facial tics. The kind that develop after years of taking anti-psychotic medication." He clarified, turning back to the screen in front of him.

"So this guy's a psychotic?" Morgan's voice was low.

"A psychotic with hostages." Hotch spoke up.

"And two guns." JJ added.

"Hostage situation on a train?" Jason Gideon hurried into the debriefing room.

"Yeah." JJ nodded. "In Texas."

"A train in Texas." A worried expression crossed the older man's face as he studied the image in front of him. "My God…" His voice was horrified.

"What?" Morgan plucked the word out of the air.

Gideon's finger ran over the monitor. The word that finally left Gideon's mouth left Spencer feeling cold. "Elle."

"We have forty minutes left." Detective Moretti glanced to his watch.

"Reid," Spencer looked up as Hotch called his name. "Is there a delusion more common than others to a paranoid mind in a psychotic episode?"

"Delusions are as varied as the people that have them. They are colored by personal experiences." He stated softly.

They were all gathered around a table littered with monitors that were showing surveillance of the inside of the train car. The unsub had given them one hour to remove "it" from his body, or he was going to kill everyone on the train. On screen, a woman was talking to the unsub, grabbing his arm.

"His arm." Gideon spoke up. "Look at his arm."

Spencer did as he was told. The man's arm was covered with marks. "What is that?"

"They look like scars." Morgan stated.

"Places he tried to dig it out with a razor or a pen…" Gideon mused.

"Dig what out?" Moretti asked.

"Maybe a microchip." Hotch piped up.

"Oh man, it's almost as common a delusion as claiming to be the new messiah. Ralph Tortorici took a classroom hostage because he believed that microchips had been implanted in his body." Spencer spoke quickly. Why hadn't he thought of this before?

"Wait a minute." Morgan turned to look at Reid. "This guy things he's got some sort of device stuck in his arm?"

"Probably. And if we don't take it out, he's gonna kill somebody." Gideon confirmed.

Morgan's phone rang then. He stepped away from the group of agents and spoke to Garcia. When he returned, he gave them all a debriefing on the passengers of the plane.

"Alright," Hotch took stood at the head of the room. "How do we remove a microchip that's not there?"

"His speech is lucid, there's no sign of neologisms, word salad, or loosening of associations. As long as he can systematize, he'll be able to keep his thinking relatively organized." Spencer paced at the back of the room.

"Organized enough to see through any game we try to throw at him?" Morgan asked.

"And if he's convinced it's in his arm and not in a place like his lower back or neck…" Hotch started.

"An incision means he's going to be watching." Gideon finished the thought.

"Maybe we can just convince him that he's been looking in the wrong place." Morgan spoke hopefully.

Spencer's thoughts had been racing throughout their entire conversation. How could one get into the brain of this psychotic man and make him believe that they were extracting something from him?

"We could fake it!" He spoke up finally, the revelatory thought hitting him at last. The entire room faced him, as if they had forgotten he was standing there. "Conceal a chip in the palm, a little sleight of hand."

"Come on, Reid." Morgan shook his head. "What are you talking about? A magic trick?"

"Yeah, I'm talking about a magic trick." He didn't understand why no one realized how brilliant of a plan this was. If Dr. Bryer thought that the chip had been removed, if he could show the chip to him, he would let the hostages go.

"No." Hotch's voice was stern.

"I used to do it during college exams." He flipped a quarter in his hand to show them. "I can make it appear, I can make it disappear…"

"We can't risk giving him another agent as a hostage." He replied.

"We have to do something." Spencer was getting angry now. Morgan stood, approaching the young doctor.

"Alright, Reid." He nodded. "Let's go. Teach it to me."

Spencer balked. Was he crazy?

"What? No." He shook his head.

"Look. If you can do it, I can do it. Show it to me." Morgan's voice was edgy.

"I've been practicing this my whole life. We have less than thirty minutes." Spencer pointed out.

"Reid, I am not about to let you get on that train with an armed psychotic." Morgan gritted his teeth.

"We don't have any other choice, do we?" Spencer stared him down. The fact of the matter was, the entire team treated him like a child. He was used for facts and geographical profiling. Now that he actually had a chance to help in the situation, to willingly put himself out there, he wasn't going to let Morgan risk his life to take that from him.

"No." Gideon rose from his seat. "We don't have any other choice."

Morgan's eyes narrowed, but he began fastening Spencer into a bulletproof vest.

"Reid." His voice was grave. "Do not take this vest off." When he nodded in reply, Morgan continued. "In hostage situations, SWAT sometimes won't even tell the negotiator when they're deciding to go in. Do you know why that is?"

"Because the slightest change in tone of voice or choice of words can give the whole thing away." Spencer replied and Morgan put a hand on his shoulder.

"That's right." The agent looked Spencer over. "Don't make eye contact with Elle. You're a technician and you've never seen her before."

"Got it." Spencer nodded.

"Remember," Morgan added. "Play into the guy's fantasy. Believe it yourself."

"Actually, did you know that dentists and surgeons have been recruited to secretly implant these during otherwise normal medical procedures? This had been happening on and off since the late 1930s…" His voice trailed off at the incredulous look on Morgan's face. Spencer gave a sheepish smile. "You told me to believe."

"Alright." Hotch had removed the SIM card of his phone and handed it to Spencer, who held it delicately in the palm of his hand. His mind was racing, trying to be everywhere at once. "One government issued microchip."

They made their way outside and Spencer practiced with the chip. His fingers began twitching and the chip fell to the ground.

"You gotta relax, man." Morgan tried to calm him.

"The chip's a lot smaller than I'm used to doing it with, alright?" Spencer tried again, instantly flicking the small device to the ground.

"I'm pulling the plug on this." Gideon groaned.

"No, no…" Spencer picked the chip up. "Hold on. One more." He blew the chip off and attempted the trick one last time. This time, the chip ended up flawlessly in the palm of his hand. He smiled, glancing up to the men around him.

"Take his chip out, then get off the train, do you understand?" Gideon spoke hesitantly. Spencer nodded, which prompted Gideon to continue. "Tell him you have guidelines to follow or whatever. Do not stay in there with him, and that's an order."

"Yes sir." Spencer heard the three men sigh. "Could you guys do me a favor?"

"Anything." Morgan spoke up.

"Could at least one of you look like you're gonna see me again?" He asked.

"See you when you get back." Hotch obliged. Spencer nodded and turned away from his teammates, making his way toward the train. Half way there, he stopped.

Kya.

He pulled his cell phone from his pocket and made a quick phone call.

"Reid." Garcia's voice was edged with worry. "What is it, dear?"

"I need you to promise me something, Garcia." Spencer spoke quietly into the phone.

"Name it." She answered quickly.

"I'm about to walk into a life-threatening situation." The words were rushed. "If I don't come out of it, I need you to give the Adams file to Hotch."

"Reid, I know you're in a hurry to save Elle and risk your life to save the day, but I can't make you this promise unless you talk to me." Garcia bit down on her lip as she spoke. "Tell me why this case is so important."

"My neighbor." He answered without thinking. "My neighbor is Emmalee Adams, and I need to know that she'll be taken care of if something happens to me."

"Oh, Reid…" Penelope's voice was quiet.

"Promise me, Garcia." He began walking towards the train again.

"I promise." She whispered, and he hung up the phone.

**_Ok. There you go!_**

**_I actually rewatched the episode in reference at the end of this chapter, "Derailed" the other day, and it kind of upset me how little they all believed that Spencer could pull off the little trick with the chip. I guess I didn't notice it before. And, I know that they were probably just worried, but still... They could have handled it better._**

**_But whatever._**

**_So, I hope you liked this chapter! Please leave me a review, because I love hearing what you guys think!_**

**_Xx_**


	9. Goodnight

**_OHMIGOSH, PLEASE JUST ALLOW ME TO TRFGYCVBYUHNIGUKJBNBKJVN GBKJFNV._**

_**When Reid read the beginning quote of last night's episode. I can't even process it. It's a line from the poem that Spencer read to Kya in chapter 6. It's my favorite. I fangirled without a conscious thought to do so.**_

_**hvjbuhjknidkjfsgnfhrjbgfrhjb,gfhjrbgfnikjrsd. Ok. I'm sorry. I'm calm. Back to the story...**_

"Spencer?" Kya wiped her eyes. Someone was knocking on her door. Loudly. When she heard no response on the other side of the door, she felt her two protectors flank her. Armani sniffed at the door and Jasper whined. She stood on her tiptoes to look through the peephole and sighed.

Spencer knocked on the door again. He knew that it was 4 in the morning, but he didn't care. He had to see her. He heard the deadbolts unlocking and he sighed, slightly relieved. She opened the door, and he stood there awkwardly. What had he expected himself to do? Take her into his arms and crush her into him until she disappeared? That's what he wanted. But Spencer had more self control than that.

"Spencer, are you ok?" She knew her voice was worried as she looked him over. He looked exhausted. And terrified.

"I just…" He shook his head, moving his fingers to massage his temples. Kya noticed how his hands shook, and she grabbed them from his face, trying desperately to comfort him from whatever demons he was facing this morning. He had gotten home from his case in Texas yesterday morning, and Kya had hoped that he was resting before coming to see her. Looking at him now, she could tell that resting wasn't what he had been doing. She had never seen him like this. He had been confused, guilt-ridden when the Dowd case had finally caught up with him, but she had never seen him so… Was there a word for it? Broken? Traumatized? She bit down on her lip. Was this how she looked to him?

"Come in." She pulled him forward, and he stepped inside. She closed the door, locking the mechanisms, then turned to face him, taking his hands in hers once more as she led him to the couch. She sat down and pulled him down beside her. "Talk to me."

Spencer shook his head. How could he explain? The previous day had been… unnerving. He was sinking, and the one person that usually kept him from drowning wasn't causing him much comfort. He slipped his hands from hers and covered his face. He was angry. He was confused. He was hurting.

"Spencer, please…" Her voice made his heart beat a little faster. There it was. That was what he needed. He moved his hands into his lap, twisting his fingers together. He lifted his gaze to hers, and he sighed.

"My mother is schizophrenic." He spoke the words in a voice that made Kya's heart sink. "Schizophrenia is genetic, you know?" He looked down at his hands as Kya put one of her own on top of them. "Sometimes, I wonder if my job is causing me to lose my mind, or if it's just my genetics."

Kya wanted to hold him. She wanted to make sure that he knew that he was going to be fine. But, she couldn't do that. She just couldn't. Not when every moment she spent with him, she was placing him in the path of immanent danger. Instead, she moved her thumb lightly over the back of his hand.

Spencer felt slightly comforted by this, but it didn't change the fact that he had come so close to losing her yesterday. So close to losing his own life, and she didn't even know. He thought it would be best if he kept it that way. He closed his eyes, trying to relax, but the familiar feeling of his phone vibrating in his pocket made him cringe. Not a case. Please… Not now. He pulled one of his hands from under her soft fingertip, leaving the other where she could trace intricate patterns on his skin. He opened his phone without even glancing to her, afraid of seeing that disappointed look he could already feel on him.

"Reid." He spoke tiredly into the phone. He sighed and nodded, fighting back a yawn and ignoring the disapproving sigh of his friend. He hung up the phone and turned to face her. She was looking down at his hand as she skimmed her thumb across it.

"Where?" She hoped it was far away enough that he could get some sleep on the jet.

"Just in McAllister." He replied, and she suppressed another sigh.

"When you get home, you're sleeping." Her voice was laced with a mixture of worry and annoyance. He smiled at her words.

"That sounds lovely." Spencer pulled his hand from underneath her thumb reluctantly.

"Good. Because I mean it. Even if I have to sit at your bedside with a cup of warm milk. You _will_ sleep, Spencer." She cracked a grin as he chuckled.

"I'm lactose intolerant. Are you threatening me with heated dairy products?" He turned incredulously to her as he stood.

"I just might be, doctor."

**_fdfcvhjjbnkjkhjikhj_**

"Easy there, tough guy. Have some coffee with your sugar." Spencer rolled his eyes at Morgan's voice. He needed caffeine.

"I need something to wake me up." His voice was groggy and he shook his head.

"Ooh.." He didn't have to look at Morgan to know that he was probably grinning. "Late night?"

"Yeah." Spencer didn't bother arguing. "Very."

"My man!" Derek chuckled.

"Not that kind of late night." Spencer felt blood rushing to his cheeks.

"Ok." Morgan put a hand on Spencer's shoulder. "What _does_ keep young Dr. Reid awake at night? Wait. Let me guess. Memorizing some obscured textbook? No, no, no… Working on cold fusion. No! I got it! Watching Star Trek and laughing at the physics mistakes."

Spencer rolled his eyes. "Actually, there aren't that many scientific errors in Star Trek, especially considering how long ago it was made." He tried not to grin as the playful expression left Derek's face. "There are certain improbabilities, but not that many outright errors."

Morgan looked away from Spencer, a disturbed look on his face. "Right."

Spencer brought the coffee cup to his lips, then pulled it away, following after the other agent. He knew that he could trust Derek. But did he want the extra attention he knew that the man would give him if he asked his advice? In the end, Spencer's need for sleep won over his insecurities. "Hey, Morgan..?"

Derek stopped, turning back to face his teammate.

"Do you ever have… Dreams?" Spencer's voice was hesitant.

"I'm sorry?" Derek furrowed his brow at the younger man. Of course elaboration would be necessary. Spencer cursed his awkwardness. Even while in the company of someone he considered a friend, he still fumbled for words.

"I guess, uh… Nightmares would be a more accurate description." Spencer dropped his gaze to the floor, avoiding the concerned look in Morgan's eye.

"Is that what's keeping you up?" The bantering tone had left his voice, and the younger agent nodded.

"I used to get them occasionally, but lately, it's like I have them every night." Spencer looked up at him. He wouldn't tell Derek the whole of this truth. That the nightmares weren't necessarily about the cases. Kya. Liam. He was afraid to sleep.

"What are they about?"

"This." Spencer lied smoothly. "What we do." He swallowed, his fingers gripping his coffee cup. "Do you have nightmares?"

"Reid, I'm not sure if I'm the right person for you to talk to about this." Derek shook his head, causing Spencer to pause.

"Why not?"

"It's just… Did you ask Gideon about it?" Morgan kept his gaze from Spencer's.

"No." He shook his head.

"You should." Derek looked to the ground and Spencer nodded.

"Hey." Elle came sweeping into the room. "Hotch wants everyone in the roundtable room." She paused, glancing between the two agents. "Something up with you two?"

"No." Spencer answered quickly, moving past her into the conference room.

_**cfvgthbnmkjmgtfcbh**_

"We all have bad dreams." Gideon's voice was almost amused. "Everyone on the plane. Who wouldn't? We hunt the worst of humanity, we see the depths of depravity. We dream of monsters."

"In my dream…" Spencer paused. He couldn't tell Gideon the truth. Not yet. Not until he found Liam. "There's this… baby. In the middle of a circle. And there's, uh… Someone on the other side. And I can't get to her before…" He closed his eyes.

"It helps me go to sleep, thinking of the victims we've saved." Gideon shook his head. "We don't always beat the monsters to the babies, but we do enough to make the job worth it, to keep the nightmares bearable."

When Spencer made it home that night, he tossed his keys on the table in the entryway. He heard a soft knock on the door and smiled, hearing Kya clearing her throat on the other side of the wood.

"It's open." He called, moving into the living room and removing his tie. He was exhausted, and, after speaking with Gideon, he thought he might actually be able to get some rest. He ran a hand through his hair as he heard the door shut softly.

"It's not safe to keep your door unlocked." She whispered and he turned to offer her a smile.

"_There_ it is." Kya moved across the room to lean against the wall. "There's Spencer's smile. It's been hiding from me lately." She shrugged. "It must have been a case with a happy ending."

"Not particularly." He kept his gaze from hers, but he was more relaxed than he had been in the past few days.

"Oh." She paused. "I'm sorry."

"It's ok." Spencer kicked off his shoes, causing Kya's eyes to zero in on his socks. One was red and the other purple. He followed her gaze and shrugged. "I don't wear matching socks. It's bad luck."

"I'll have to remember that next time I put my shoes on." She crossed her arms over her chest, watching him as he removed his sweater vest and untucked his shirt. When his eyes met hers, she saw his cheeks flaming. She moved her focus down to the carpet. "So." She chewed on her lip. "You look like you've rested. I applaud you on that, Dr. Reid." A small smile worked at the corner of her lips. She was glad that he was resting, a little envious, but glad nonetheless. Kya had trouble sleeping herself, but she managed to cover her weariness with a masked smile and a lot of makeup.

"I haven't really slept since I left." Spencer sat down on the couch. "But I had a nice conversation with Gideon about my lack of sleep. And I think I can finally rest now." He looked to her and smiled, but his expression didn't hold. She fidgeted uncomfortably. "Is something wrong?"

"I just…" Kya shook her head, moving to lean her head against the wall. What was she doing here? "We'll talk tomorrow, ok? You need to get some rest."

"Hey." His voice made her look to him. "Come here." He patted the spot next to him on the couch and she obediently moved across the room to sit next to him. "Talk to me."

"I'm still having nightmares." She confessed, shaking her head and leaning into the couch. "I'm afraid to fall asleep."

Spencer paused at her words. "I know the feeling." He finally answered. Gideon's words of wisdom would not help her. She couldn't be comforted with the thought of saving people. He felt her eyes on him.

"You do?" She bit down on her lip. "Of course you do, with your career. Everyone on your team probably has problems sleeping.

He nodded. If only his career was his problem. "What can I do?"

"I just…" Kya hung her head, causing her brown curls to fall into her face, hiding her expression. "Can I stay with you tonight?"

Spencer felt his eyes widen. "I, um…" He swallowed. What was he supposed to say?

"Oh, God!" Kya covered her face and shook her head. "I didn't mean… I know that sounded like… But I didn't…" She took a deep breath and attempted once more. "In your guest room. I don't like being alone in my apartment. Can I stay in your guest room tonight?"

Spencer felt his pulse steady. "Of course." He was still slightly out of breath and he hoped she didn't notice.

"I'm sorry." She sighed. "I just… I'm terrified. Being here… With you… At least I know that if I get overwhelmed by the…" She paused. "The grief, At least I know you'll be here."

"I'm always here." He stated matter-of-factly. "And it's preposterous for you to think otherwise. If you need to stay, stay. I'd rather have you here… anyway." He gritted his teeth. Wasn't he supposed to have a filter that kept his mouth from repeating every thought he had?

"You would?" She asked the question, slowly raising a brow.

"I would." He nodded. No sense in trying to take it back now. "Believe it or not, Kya, I worry about you." He kept his gaze from hers.

"You worry about me?" Kya felt the blood rushing into her face, then she groaned. "Please tell me that I'm not the reason you're not sleeping..?"

Spencer was looking at his hands as if they were suddenly very interesting. He didn't say a word. Kya covered her face with her hands and shook her head.

"Spencer… I'm sorry." She sighed.

"It's ok." He stood from the couch and offered his hand to her. Kya took it immediately, following him as he led her to the guest bedroom. She climbed into bed and he gently tucked the blanket around her. She smiled up at him, trying not to notice how her breath quickened when he knelt over her.

"Goodnight, Kya." Spencer's voice was shaky, and he cursed himself for it. He was so close to her. It would take only half a second for him to wrap his arms around her, to brush his lips against hers, to… Spencer pulled away from her, moving across the room.

"Goodnight, Spencer." Kya whispered just as he closed to door. She rolled over, facing the wall and allowed her eyes to drift closed.

Spencer changed into his pajamas and crawled into his own bed. His head was an array of thoughts. How was he supposed to sleep knowing that she was so close to him? He sighed and laid flat on his back, lacing his fingers behind his head. He closed his eyes and sleep finally overtook him.

_**qwerfghyjkiolkjhgfdxfghjk**_

Kya's eyes snapped open. She panicked for a slight moment before remembering where she was. Spencer's. The room was completely dark, save for the bright red luminescent numbers of the digital clock on the nightstand. 3:43. She groaned and sat up, rubbing her eyes. A slight movement at the edge of her vision caught her eye and she flinched, turning to where she had seen the figure in the room. She heard the door open and close, and Kya immediately reached to the nightstand and flicked on the bedside lamp.

The room was empty. She heard the faint sound of footsteps moving up the hall. She leapt from the bed and hurried to the door. She made it into the hallway just in time to see Spencer's bedroom door close.

"Spencer?" She made her way down the hallway and knocked lightly on his door. "Spencer, are you there?" Kya put her hand on the doorknob, turning it slowly. When the door swung open, she flicked the light on and let out a scream.

Spencer was laying in the bed, blood pooled around him that was seeping from a slash across his throat. Kya's entire body shook and she felt a pair of arms wrap around her. Liam. She turned to look into the eyes that had haunted her, but came face to face with… Henry?

"We have to leave." Henry's voice was urgent as he pulled her away from the gruesome scene. "We have to leave now. He's here."

Kya allowed the words to register. "Benji." Her voice was a strangled whisper. "Where's Benjamin?"

"He's downstairs with the dogs." Henry tugged at her gently and she followed him, her heart aching as she took one last glance at Spencer's mutilated body. She felt warm tears streaking down her cheeks. Benjamin was downstairs? Henry pulled her from Spencer's apartment, hurrying her downstairs. The scene that met her eyes caused all air to escape her lungs. No one was waiting for her. She turned to look at Henry, but he had disappeared. Kya felt her knees buckle as something heavy forced her against the wall. She opened her eyes, her gaze falling on a pair of golden eyes in front of her.

"No…" She whispered. "No…" She closed her eyes again as she felt his mouth come down on hers. Liam. Her stomach rolled, and Kya felt his hands move around her throat as he kissed her. She struggled to free herself from him, but she couldn't breathe. He grabbed her shoulders and he shook her. With every forceful shove, Kya's head cracked against the brick wall behind her. Why wasn't she passing out? Why did consciousness tease her with the hope of a blackout? She tried to get away from him, but his hands held her firmly. She screamed, realizing that his mouth was no longer on hers. She screamed again, and his hands loosened their grip on her. She pulled away from him at the feeling of him releasing her.

"Kya…" His voice was a tortured whisper. And it wasn't _his_ voice. Kya opened her eyes. Spencer was leaning over her, an agonized look on his face. "Kya, wake up…"

She sat up in the bed. It was a dream. Only a dream. She was alright. Spencer was alright. Benjamin and Henry were…

A wave of sobs wracked through her and she flung her arms around Spencer. He held her for a moment, slowly rocking her back and forth.

"Oh, God, Spencer…" She moaned. "He killed them. He killed you. He…" She shook her head and Spencer shushed her.

"It's ok." He tightened his grip on her. After a few moments, she pulled away from him.

"What time is it?" She whispered.

"Eleven." He ran his fingers through her hair for a moment before standing up. "I have to go, Kya. We have a case in Tennessee." He spoke the words cautiously. He hated to leave her, but he had no choice. JJ had said that Gideon had injured himself skydiving and couldn't go into the field. Which meant that the Team was already lacking one member, and there was no way he couldn't _not_ go on this case.

"Ok." Kya nodded after a moment and stood as well. He grabbed her arm to steady her as she swayed on her feet. She was dizzy.

"Are you alright?" His voice was laced with worry.

"Yeah. Still asleep." She forced a smile before looking up at him. He released her arm, but the worried expression never left his face. At that moment, Spencer said a silent prayer that this case would be solved quickly so he could get back home to her.

_**SO SAD. .**_

_**ANYWAYS. THANK YOU to everyone who has alerted, subscribed and read! And thank you to everyone who has reviewed! I love you guys. SO MUCH! gfygyufgrkugfvybgfrkejwn. Seriously.**_

_**Xx**_


	10. A Note To Readers

My dearest readers, AHHHHH! Okay. I'm calm. I can type logically now. I should start off by letting you know that I have written a great deal of this. Seriously. I'm into season four. Now, I should let you know that my computer has crashed. My heart is broken, because I had 56 chapter written of this, and it is probably all gone. I am sort of OCD, so each chapter had been edited extensively. I have been writing this story for the past year, and I don't really know how to come to terms with the fact that it might be gone. So, I am taking my poor laptop to the doctor to see if I can get any data-recovery-type-thing done. In the meantime, I am frivolously attempting to rewrite all of it, but updates may take longer. As I said in my first post, I am in nursing school, so I don't have much time on my hands. I should know within a few days if anything can be recovered, and I am so sorry for the delay, guys. I LOVE YOU ALL. Xx 


	11. Chicken Hearts and Romance Movies

**_Holy moly. I managed to save every single word that I had typed. O_O_**

**_I literally cried. Like a baby. It was sort of ridiculous._**

**_Thank you to everyone who gave me suggestions! I love you all. Seriously._**

**_AND. Here is chapter ten. :D_**

"Wally Brisbane is seven…" Spencer's voice trailed off.

"Yes. A seven year old musical prodigy." Penelope's voice was matter-of-factly as she spoke to him through the phone. She had finally managed to get away from Jason Gideon long enough to ask Reid what was bothering him.

"He's seven, Garcia." Spencer shook his head, massaging his temple with his free hand.

"Reid, I don't understand why you repeating the boy's age gets us to the root of the problem here…" Penelope chewed on the cap of her pen.

"Benjamin Adams was six when he…" Spencer barely choked out the words. Knowing Kya, knowing her story… It changed the way he looked at his job.

"Oh, Reid…" The technical analyst couldn't bear the thought of her friend in pain, but there wasn't anything she could do for him. Maybe that was the agonizing part. "Gideon and I will send over everything you need."

"What's going on?" Jason's voice caused the confused look to leave Spencer's face. He hadn't asked Garcia to send him anything, but he realized that she was covering for him. Did her friendship know no boundaries?

"Nothing yet, Gideon. I'll keep you guys posted." Spencer hung up.

**_yay musical interlude yay_**

"Spencer." Kya resisted the urge to launch herself into his arms. She opted for smiling widely at him instead.

"Dinner for two?" He held up a brown paper sack.

"Take out?" Kya moved aside so he could step into the apartment. An interesting smell radiated from the bag in his hand. "How did you find a restaurant open this late?" She glanced at the clock above the entertainment center. 11:57.

"There's an Indian restaurant across town that I like to haunt. Open 24/7." He grinned, sitting the bag down on the coffee table as she curled up on the couch, unmuting the television. Spencer's eyes flickered to the two people on screen. A man, about 28 or so, and an older woman. Maybe 34? They had just finished… Being intimate. She was pulling a robe around her.

"_Look, a woman knows when a man looks into her eyes and sees someone else." Her words were curt._

"_Now, you know that I want to give you all of the things you want, right?" The man shook his head. He looked forlorn, hopeless. "But I can't. Because they're gone. They're broken." _

Kya sighed, peeking into the bag on the table, causing Spencer to glance from the screen.

"What movie is this?" He asked, a twinge of unmasked curiosity in his voice. Kya's jaw dropped in mock surprise.

"Oh my goodness!" She stood from the couch and rushed to put herself between Spencer and the television. She blocked his view, a grin on her face. "Record the time, Spencer. 12:01 am. Today, I can accurately state that I know something that Dr. Spencer Reid doesn't know!" She couldn't suppress the giggle that busted from her lips.

Spencer returned her smirk. "What movie is this?" He repeated, pulling his food out of the bag. He placed hers on the table next to the sack and pulled out two forks, laying them on the table as well.

"Why would I tell you? So I can give up the one piece of information that I hold that you do not have access to?" When her remark was met with a tired shrug, she moved to sit next to him. "The Notebook." She grabbed her little box of food and leaned back into the couch, her eyes on the TV. "In my opinion, it's one of the best love stories ever told." She opened the small box and grimaced down at what was inside. "What IS this?"

"Chicken Tikka." He replied simply, taking a bite of his own.

"Which is..?" She raised a brow at him, poking the offensive food with her fork. "Not all of us are geniuses, dear." Her voice had a sarcastic ring to it. "Chicken Ticker? Sounds like chicken hearts to me. And THAT is not gonna fly."

"Tikka." Spencer shook his head. "It's not heart. It's chicken breast pieces marinated in yogurt and spices, then roasted to perfection. And that underneath it? Aloo Dum Kashmiri. Which is a fancy way of saying potatoes in tomato gravy." He felt the need to elaborate, as usual.

"Kashmiri is a culture of food in and of itself influenced by the cultures that surfaced during invasion of the Kasmir by the Timur, the people of a region that is basically present day Uzbekistan. Subsequently, Kashmir cuisine of influenced strongly by the delicacies of Central Asia, Persia, and Afghanistan." He had a few more things to say, but Kya's face made him pause. She wasn't grimacing at him, she wasn't uncomfortable with his talking. Instead, she scooped a bite of the food into her mouth and grinned.

"This is delicious!" She beamed at him.

Spencer nodded, glancing back up at the television. The movie was pretty good. It dealt with almost every genre. There were sad parts, funny parts, angry parts, and it even touched on religion and medicine. And romance. There was a lot of romance. It was what JJ and Emily would have called a "chick flick." When the ending credits started rolling, Spencer stretched. A small noise made his focus shift to Kya. There were tears rolling down her cheeks.

"What's wrong?" He asked the question before thinking. The movie was sad, which was a logical reason for her to be crying.

"I'm never going to be able to grow old with someone, Spencer." Her voice caused his heart to shatter. "Because I will never be able to keep anyone."

"Kya…" He shook his head. He wanted to kiss her, and the thought scared him. He had never kissed a woman, and he had never felt desire like this. She was perfect in every way. She was humble and beautiful and she appreciated him. He wanted to hold her and explain to her that he had the best analyst in the world looking for Liam. He wanted to touch her, even if it meant just skimming his fingertips across the back of her hand. As if reading his mind, she shifted, leaning against him and resting her head against his shoulder. He fought to keep his breathing even. She made the movement seem so easy, as if closing the space between them was effortless. Spencer was so inexperienced at things like this. She deserved better. "Wanna hear about the case I just got home from?"

"Happy ending?" She didn't look up at him, but he could feel her tears running onto his shoulder.

"Inspiring, really." He blinked, propping his feet up on the table and relaxing as he felt her scoot closer, settling down against his side. "There was an attack on a group of college kids in New Mexico. They were tortured, skinned alive, and one of the victims had been impaled on a wooden pole." He felt he cringe beside him and he wrapped his arm around her, pulling her closer. The motion seemed automatic to him, and he was reassured by how she snuggled nearer against him. "Native American rituals. We found out that the house that the students were killed in was built on Apache burial land."

"Isn't that supposed to be like… Bad juju or something?" Kya's words made him smile.

"Actually, there aren't a lot of reports of haunting and occurrences on Native American burial grounds." He continued. "Garcia discovered a possible candidate, a Native American reservation leader named John Blackwolf. He had been arrested a number of times for different activist events, but he had never been involved in anything violent. So, we headed to the reservation to see Blackwolf, who was in the middle of teaching a class when we arrived. We took him back to the house where the murders occurred for him to see firsthand. He says at the very last there had been eight people involved with the attack at the house. Two people had grabbed one girl and gone one way; meanwhile, about six more came down the hill from another direction running single file to hide their numbers…"

"How did he know that if he wasn't there?" Kya cut off his story with her question.

"Apache are very skilled at tracking. Blackwolf could tell all of this just be analyzing the footprints left at the scene." He explained, and she gave an appreciative nod before he continued, "He said that the killings resemble the worst rituals of the Navajo, Comanche, Apache, and Sioux tribes, but no one tribe has ever done all of the rituals at once. Later, Garcia found the identification of the missing girl. Her name is Ingrid Greisen. Ingrid's father, Peter Greisen, who agreed to a press conference to make a plea to the abductors. He told them he had raised Ingrid by himself since her mother died when she was 14 years old. The next thing we know, we are getting a phone call from her abductors. The kidnappers said that they saw him on television and called to turn the girl over to the authorities as long as we didn't tell Mr. Greisen. They said it was because Mr. Greisen had asked them to kidnap her in the first place. We got Ingrid, who was catatonic, back and interrogated the kidnappers, Eugene Leland and Kyle Van Owen. They each gave the same story, saying Peter Greisen had paid them to kidnap Ingrid because he felt she was in trouble. Because they tell the same, unusual story, we realized they are telling the truth. Hotch told Peter Greisen that there were five murdered kids and his having Ingrid kidnapped coincidentally saved her life. That makes Greisen look suspicious. Morgan and I went to the hospital to question Ingrid. I talked to her by myself. The only information she would give me was her name and social security number, which indicates that she is more than likely in a cult. Mr. Greisen said he didn't know when she joined, but a few months after starting college; she started acting strange and saying odd things. He said she talked about Grandfather and Ga'he, which are the apache spirits that watch over the reservation. From that, we were able to give a more accurate profile. We were looking for someone who had studied Native American culture extensively. Garcia, who saves the day once again with her technical abilities, finds a likely suspect named Jackson Cally. He had been in prison and was in a Native American culture class with Ingrid, and Blackwolf said he had been a guest lecturer in that seminar for the last four years. What Cally was trying to do is start a war between the Americans and the Apaches. He had had the Terra Mesa students attacked to make the ADU go after the Apaches, but that didn't work. We found him in a motel, and Cally only responds when Hotch calls him Grandfather. Then, we found out Cally had his followers on their way to attack the elementary school on the reservation. Hotch and Blackwolf went to the reservation and got there before the other cult members. They get the students into hiding and prepare to take down the attackers. When Hotch pulled out his gun, Blackwolf told him to put away and use his baton. They were able to take down four of the six attackers without firing a shot. Hotch shot number 5 and Blackwolf cut up the last one pretty badly. But we managed to catch the unsub and the followers without killing a single one."

"And the kids all were fine?" Spencer knew that the question was more important to her than she let on.

"Every one." He smiled at her, and she returned the smile.

"You always know how to cheer me up." She suppressed a yawn and he stood.

"I should go." He picked up the empty food containers and made his way into the kitchen before throwing them nonchalantly into the trashcan. When he reentered the living room, she was taking the DVD out of the player and putting it back into its case. She yawned again, this time only covering her mouth as she stretched. Spencer walked around her to start unlatching the deadbolts on the door. When the door was open, he felt her arms snake around him, pulling him into an embrace, and he felt as if his erratic heartbeat would push her away from him. He wrapped his arms around her shoulders to return the hug. He took a deep breath, inhaling the scent of her shampoo. Cherry blossoms. Again. It was intoxicating. He felt her pulling away and he immediately dropped his arms.

"Goodnight, Spencer. Thank you for staying with me." She whispered.

"Anytime." He grinned. And he meant it. "Sleep well."

_**FRACK. Okay guys. DID YOU SEE CRIMINAL MINDS? **_

_**I'm going to write Reid's experience into the Tobias Hankel chapter. I might cry. T.T**_

_**I LOVE YOU ALL! Thank you so much for reading, and PLEASE... reviews are like crack to me. HELP A SISTER OUT.**_

_**Xx**_


	12. Finally

_**Ahhhhh! I'm dying a little bit right now. jhbgvkjds**_

_**I really hated writing the first part of this chapter. D:**_

_**The end of it, though. :D**_

"I was on my way home, but we got kind of drug into a case…" Spencer explained. He didn't really know why he felt so compelled to tell her why he wasn't coming home.

"That's fine." He could hear a smile in Kya's voice. "Anything interesting?"

"Stalker." He replied. "To Lila Archer."

"The television star?" Kya's eyebrows shot up. Lila Archer was… Magnificent. Her stomach flipped over at the thought of Spencer being near her. She shook off the thought, though, and joked nonchalantly. "She's hot, Spencer. Maybe you'll get some action."

Her tone was joking, but the words stung him.

"Maybe." He tried to keep his voice light, but knew that he had failed miserably. "I have to go." He was relieved when Hotch entered the room. "I'll call you back." He hung up the phone with a sinking feeling in his stomach, and he knew that he wouldn't be calling her back anytime soon.

_**Musical interlude**_

Spencer was exhausted, and his heart ached an infinitesimal amount. He laid the tabloid paper on his desk, glancing up as Morgan rose from his own seat.

"Night, Hollywood." The older agent chuckled.

"Come on, Man." Spencer shook his head. He was chewing nervously on the inside of his cheek. This conversation was getting way too uncomfortable for him.

"You know, Reid, you're lucky they didn't get a shot of you next to the pool trying to dry your gun. You looked like a wet rat." Morgan laughed again, but Spencer's face wasn't amused.

"Hey…" Derek's voice was serious now, and Spencer glanced up to him. "I was playing."

"Did you know that, um…" He paused, trying to find a way to describe what he was thinking. "She uh… We… I kissed her. In the pool. It's so weird. It doesn't even feel like it really happened, you know?"

"Well, sure, sure. She's a beautiful young actress."

"Yeah. I was explaining to her about transference and the fact that she probably only liked me because I was there to protect her and-"

"Reid." Morgan's tone made him stop talking. When the younger agent met the darker man's eyes, they were serious. "You were her hero."

"I…" He paused. "I want to think that."

"No, no, no… Don't go selling yourself short, Kid." Morgan shook his head. "You took down an armed subject without firing a shot. You saved her life. That's pretty much a hero in my book."

Spencer smiled. None of that mattered. He didn't want to go home. He didn't want to face Kya. How could he tell her. How would she react? Overjoyed? The thought hurt him. "Let me ask you this…" He spoke slowly. "Have you ever crossed the professional boundaries with a victim of a case you were working on?" He chose every word with the utmost precision. Derek would no doubt believe that he was talking about Lila.

Morgan shook his head and crossed his arms. "No."

"It's pretty bad, right?" Spencer looked down. It wouldn't technically count as crossing the line with Kya, though. Would it?

"Some things you can't control, even with that big old brain of yours." Derek chuckled. "No harm, no foul." He turned to walk away

"Hey, Morgan…" Spencer's voice caused Derek to pivot where he stood. Spencer gritted his teeth, secretly hoping that the man hadn't heard him.

"Yeah?"

"Has there ever been a girl that you've wanted to be with for more than, you know… Just one night?" He didn't look at Derek.

"Excuse me?" Morgan narrowed his eyes.

"I've never seen you with the same girl twice…" Spencer shrugged.

"What, are calling me a dog?" Derek looked offended, and Spencer immediately regretted asking.

"No! No, no, no… Not at all…" He shook his head, trying to explain. "I'm just… I'm just trying to figure out if this feeling I have is ever gonna go away." It felt odd to voice the statement he had been thinking for so long.

"Reid, what we do for a living… It takes up all of our time." Morgan sighed. "And a relationship's hard enough, even in the same city."

"So, what you're saying is its probably wise that I don't get involved, right?" Spencer bit his lip and Derek shook his head.

"I can't answer that one for you. Here, I'll tell you what I do know, though." He sat back on his heels and spoke seriously. "You don't need to come up with that answer tonight."

Spencer bit his tongue. Derek was wrong. He would have to come up with that answer in barely an hour.

The elevator ride was excruciatingly long. He glanced down to his watch, and was surprised to see that it was still relatively early. 8:27 pm. He closed his eyes, remembering every detail of what had happened.

_**-Flashback-**_

Despite his protests, Lila jumped into the pool. He shook his head as she resurface, grinning up at him

"Lila, you cannot do this…" He groaned. She was impossible.

"Five minutes." She promised, then pointed towards her home. "Go get a suit. In the house."

Spencer felt his brows shoot up. "What? No! I'm not going to grab a suit." He knew that the words were coming out in a condescending tone, but he didn't care. "Are you kidding me? No."

"Join me." Something in her voice made him reevaluate the situation. What exactly was going on here?

"No. I'm not going to join you." He shook his head seriously.

"Why not?" Lila stilled.

"You're being pursued by a psychotic killer who shoots people in the head." The answer was obvious, but it wasn't the reply he had wanted to give.

Lila groaned. "I'm not going to stop living my life. I'm just not."

She was so stupid. What point was living your life to the fullest of you're only living for five more minutes? Spencer sighed.

"Lila, I'm begging of you… Will you please get out of the pool?" He knew that his voice was rising in pitch, but he didn't care.

"Really, Spence. You should live a little." She moved in the water, and he shook his head.

"Live a little? I've known you forty-eight hours. I feel like I've aged ten years." He knew that the words were harsh, but was tired of arguing with her.

"Oh, I can't be THAT bad." She leaned her head back to move her soaked hair out of her face.

"Yes." He nodded sharply. "You ARE that bad." When she looked at him, he gave her a stern look and she sighed.

"Fine." She made her way to the edge of the pool to his feet. "Will you help me out at least." She looked annoyed as she held her hand out to him.

Spencer took her hand. Big mistake. It only took him a fraction of a second to realize what was happening, but it was too late for him to stop her from pulling her in. He surfaced to the sound of her giggling.

"Yes, very funny. Laugh it up, Lila. You're hilarious." He moved his hair from his face and shook his hands off. "My gun is wet. Which is great." He pulled the holster from his belt and moved to put it on the side of the pool. She was still laughing, and he couldn't help but let a small chuckle erupt from his lips as he looked at himself, soaked and fully clothed. "My clothes…"

"You should have worn the suit." She shrugged, moving closer to him. She took him by surprise again, pulling his body against hers and pressing her lips to his.

"This is completely inappropriate…" Spencer pulled away immediately, holding his hands in the air and trying to distance himself from her. His first kiss. A beautiful television star had just given him his first kiss, and all he could think about was Kya.

"This?" Lila's voice distracted him as she ran a hand through his hair. "What's this?"

"This isn't…" She kissed him again, cutting him off. He pulled away from her, but she was persistent and brought his lips back to hers. He sighed, trying to forget the sting of the words Kya had used earlier. Then, something odd happened. Spencer found himself kissing Lila back. He put a hand on either side of her face and pulled her closer. And despite the fact that she was an amazing kisser, despite the fact that she was drop dead gorgeous, it felt _wrong_.

"No…" He pulled away from her and did what he normally did in times of uneasiness. "There's this thing called 'transference'…"

"You don't like me?" Lila's voice was wounded.

"What?" Spencer sighed.

"You don't like me." She spoke the phrase as a statement now.

"No, are you cra… I…" He stammered. "I do…"

"I like you." She stated.

"I like you, too, it's just I'm a… A federal agent, you know? I'm supposed to protect you…" He hated how vulnerable he sounded.

"Then, keep me close…" She pressed her body against him, and he inhaled sharply. "I'm just a… Little bit worried. We're-" She kissed his lips, cutting him off for a moment. "We're in a pool…" She kissed him again, trying to get him to shut up. "And it's, uh…" She kissed him once more. "We're pretty much exposed…" When her lips touched his again, he wrapped his arms around her.

"We have cops." It was Lila who pulled away this time. "We have cops posted out front." She kissed him between her words. "There are coyotes out back… And right here, it's just you and me." She kissed him again, and Spencer could feel his stomach sinking.

"I, uh…" He had to get away from her. This wasn't what he wanted. This wasn't _who_ he wanted. She moved in to press light kisses along his neck and he gently pushed her away from him. "Stop. I have to tell you something…"

_**-Present-**_

The elevator door opening brought him back to reality. He moved quickly to his door, unlocking it hastily. The sound of Kya's door opening caused him to freeze.

"Spencer…" Her voice was soft, and he felt his knees almost buckle. He stayed facing the door as he replayed their last phone conversation in his head. He didn't want to look at her.

"You didn't call me…" He closed his eyes at her words. "I was worried that something had happened to you…" He turned then, the sound of pain in her voice almost too much for him to take. When his eyes found hers, he saw that they were full of worry, concern.

"Sorry." He shook his head. It was useless trying to avoid her, or ignore the fact that he wanted to be around her. "Crazy case."

"Do you…?" Kya stopped talking, looking him over. He looked uncomfortable, and it killed her. Things between them used to feel so easy, like breathing, but in this moment, her heart began to ache at the sight of him. "Do you wanna come in? Talk about it?"

He nodded, and Kya realized that she had been holding her breath. She sighed with relief as he stepped around her and into the apartment. She closed the door, locking her deadbolts and turning to look at him. He was standing in front of the couch as if he were contemplating sitting down. She felt her brows move together.

"I'm sorry." She closed her eyes, the words erupting from her lips before she could stop them. "I don't know what I did to upset you, but I'm sorry. I can't…" She squeezed her eyes shut tighter, trying to come up with extravagant words to describe what she was feeling, but she failed, her explanation coming out more mediocre than she had intended it to be. "You make me forget."

Spencer watched her face relax when she stopped talking. She kept her eyes closed, as if she were afraid to look at him. And, before Spencer could realize what he was doing, he moved across the room, closing the distance between them. She opened her eyes, no doubt feeling the intrusion of her personal space, but he acted before she could react. Spencer placed a hand on the back of her neck and brought his lips down onto hers. He felt her breath catch underneath the kiss, but she didn't push him away. Instead, to his surprise, her lips moved against his passionately and he felt her arms loop around his neck, urging him closer, if that were even possible. He felt his hand moving of it's own accord from the back of her neck to tangle his fingers into her hair, crushing her against the door.

Kya couldn't breathe. Spencer wasn't aggressive. He was shy and timid, Spencer was not one to push a woman against a door and kiss her until she was dizzy. But alas, Kya was dizzy. She had no idea what had happened to make him so act so fiercely, but she didn't care. Every thought left her mind, erasing anything that wasn't _him_. She felt her fingers tightening on the collar of his shirt, moving down his back to draw his body against hers, and she felt him shudder against her lips. Then, the only thing that could ruin a moment as perfect as this, happened.

The phone rang.

Spencer pulled away from her reluctantly, but she pulled his lips back to hers. Was this actually happening? Was she actually wanting him to kiss her, to hold her close like this?

The phone rang again, and she groaned against his lips when he tried to pull away. "Machine…" She whispered before pulling him closer again.

He nodded, understanding the urgency, the desperate need to be close to her. He moved the hand that was buried into her hair to press his palm flat against the door, parting his lips to allow her to slip her tongue inside his mouth. Lila had not kissed him like this. Lila had not made him _feel_ like this. His breathing hitched, and he realized that this moment, this instant where they were so close together, no masks, no walls, it was perfection. This moment would be something he remembered forever. This felt _right_. Her lips against his, her hands tugging him closer, it felt more right than Lila ever could have made it.

"Emmalee…" The voice on the answering machine belonged to a man.

Kya froze, her lips stilling underneath Spencer's. He pulled away, his eyes catching her terrified expression and causing a jolt of fear to run through him.

_**BUMBUMBUM. FRACK. CLIFFHANGER.**_

_**That's kind of a crappy ending, right? Sorry about that. D:**_

**_So. PLEASE REVIEW. o_o Me likey reviews._**

**_As I've said before, this story holds a special place in my heart, and even though I have alot of it prewritten, I have gone back and changed a bit due to your reviews. You guys are helping me write this, so please, leave me something to let me know what you think of it so far._**

**_Thank you all SO MUCH. There aren't enough words for me to describe my love and gratitude for you readers._**

**_OKAY. I'm done being emotional. ghfbkyudbn_**

**_Xx_**


	13. Over

_**Ohmigosh, guys. This chapter. I can't. T-T**_

It wasn't the voice that had startled her. The word. One word said it all. Something was wrong. Terribly wrong. Kya maneuvered around Spencer, picking up the phone.

"I'm here." Her voice was breathless, and her expression that of pure fear. No. No, this could not be happening again. "I'm here, Thomas… What's going on?"

Spencer felt his insides drop into his feet. He turned to analyze her face, pressing his back against the door. He could hear the man speaking, but he couldn't make out the words.

"I just got off the phone with Dr. McGinnis." His tone was demanding, angry. Kya bit her lip. "Why didn't you tell me that you told someone? You know that we are supposed to discuss all major decisions _before_ you make them."

Kya covered her face with her hands. "What was I supposed to do?"

"I don't know, Emmalee, move to a different building where there isn't a person living across the hall from you whose career is to be perceptive?" She flinched at the sound of her name.

"Maybe you should have done your homework, Marshall." The words dripped off of her lips like acid, and Spencer furrowed his brows. He had never heard her so angry.

"Maybe you should stop putting people's lives at stake." He whispered the words, but it felt as if he had punched her in the stomach. The air whooshed out of her lungs in a fraction of a second, and her eyes filled with tears. "You know, every person you knowingly throw in front of this bus, has a family out there who loves them. This Spencer Reid is no different. His mother is in a mental hospital with paranoid schizophrenia. How is she going to pay for her healthcare if your shadow finds him?"

Kya was gasping for breath now. He was right. Every word was the truth. She could see Spencer take a step toward her, and she reflexively stepped backward, her gaze freezing him in place, telling him to keep his distance. What had she done?

"What do I do?" She moved to the sliding glass door across the room and stepped onto the balcony. Closing the door behind her and ignoring Spencer's inquisitive glance.

"What is it between you two?" Thomas's question made Kya's heart ache. What was it?

"What do you mean?" She spoke softly, hoping he wouldn't be able to pick out the awkwardness of her question.

"Are you… Involved?" She could hear how audibly uncomfortable he was.

Kya search for words to say, but she opted for what she had just told Spencer. "He makes me forget." She bit down on her lip, her next statement surprising her as she said it. "I have feelings for him."

"I understand, Emma…" Marshall James's voice was sympathetic. "But you have to realize that you can't just pick and choose who you want to know your secret. It impacts their lives…" He sighed. "You of all people should know that forgetting isn't what you need to do. I know it hurts, I know that it's a lot to handle… But you can't forget. It's too dangerous."

"He already knows, though… Why can't I just be with him?" The question had an obvious answer, but she felt the desire to ask it anyway, to show him how much it meant to her.

"He could be watching you. We never know, Kya." She was somewhat relieved when he used her new name. "Every second you spend with Spencer Reid, it puts him that much closer to Liam." She ignored the chilling feeling that swept through her when she heard his name.

"So…" Kya's voice was thick with emotion. She chewed on her lip. "So, I just break it off? Tell Spencer to forget that I'm here and leave me alone?"

"And pray that it's not too late already." Thomas confirmed.

"There's no other way?" She knew that she was being selfish. She knew that Spencer would be better off without her. But how was she supposed to live alone? The thought caused her to pause. Just a few months ago, living alone was her only option. Why did it seem like such a big deal now? And she was never _truly_ alone. She always had her dogs.

"I'm sorry." The man's voice caused new emotions to rise inside Kya. Regret. Pain. Loss. Again.

"Ok." The words was cut off with a silent sob that wracked through her. How was she going to tell him? How was she going to make him leave her?

She hung up the phone and took a few moments to collect herself on the balcony. The effort was unnecessary, because she could feel Spencer's eyes on her through the glass door. It was more for her sake, though. She couldn't face him. Not yet. Maybe if she stayed out here long enough, he would get the picture and leave. She heard the door open after a few more moments, and her hopes of a non-confrontational departure dissipated. She felt his hands on her hair, attempting to comfort her from whatever was causing her pain. She flinched, but didn't jerk away from his touch.

"Are you alright?" His voice was soft, full of worry. It made her knees buckle. She grabbed onto the railing.

"I need you to leave." She kept her eyes away from him, glancing down to the sidewalk below them.

"You'll be ok by yourself?" Spencer kept his voice low. "I'll stop back in and check on you tonight."

'No." Kya wasn't sure what she was saying 'no' to. If she would be ok, or if she wanted him to stop by later. "I can't see you anymore."

Spencer's hand froze on her hair, and he did the one thing that would have caused her to break. He grabbed her chin gently and turned her face to his. When he spoke again, his voice was louder than before, but not angry. Fervent. "I can't _not_ see you."

Kya closed her eyes. Why didn't he understand? Why was he making this so hard on her? Did he not realize that she was hurting just as bad as she was? What would she have to do in order to make him leave? Hurt him? She swallowed.

"I don't want to see you anymore." She hated the taste of the words in her mouth. "I mean, you were useful when it came to keeping the nightmares away…" She could hardly finish the statement. "But now, you're getting attached, and that's just more than I want from you."

"I'm sorry!" Spencer's voice rose in pitch as he spoke. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have… I was out of line and I'm sorry." He shook his head, holding his hands up in a motion of surrender. "I'm sorry… Just… Kya, please… Please, don't do this."

Kya's heart shattered in her chest. She literally felt every broken shard of what was left of it fall into her stomach. She thought she might get sick. Or pass out. Or die.

"Just leave." She was somewhat amazed by how strongly her voice came out. The anger at herself, at her situation, could have been misinterpreted as anger towards him. And she could tell that Spencer felt the rage like a slap in the face by the way he flinched. His face fell. She unmistakably saw every dismal emotion cross his face as he turned to leave. The last one, the one that lingered in her memory: Pain. It was the face she sometimes saw when she started to cry and caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror.

Spencer could barely move. His hands moved mechanically against the locks before he opened the door. He wanted to look back at her, to see if him leaving was what she actually wanted, but the feeling of hot tears rolling down his cheeks made him resist. If this is what she wanted, why make her feel worse about it than she already did? He moved across the hallway rather quickly, glad that he had already unlocked his door. He was consciously aware that he had left her door wide open, but he didn't care. He had experienced the most amazing moment of his life, the most amazing kiss… And then he had faced the most agonizing pain he had ever felt. All in the same hour. She was gone. And it was over. Spencer headed straight for his bedroom. He picked up the alarm clock from his bedside table and threw it against the wall. It was over.

Kya closed her door after staring at Spencer's closed door for a moment. She could feel a steady stream of tears running down her face. She had overcome so much. She could make it through losing Spencer, just like she made it through losing her family, her love, her children… She could lose one more person. She could let him go because it was what was best for him. She fastened her deadbolts and made her way to her bedroom. She curled up underneath the blanket and sobbed.

_**Musical Interlude**_

"Ah, there he is…" Derek's voice pulled Spencer from his thoughts, causing him to look up as both he and Elle approached him. "Pretty. Boy." He articulated both words in a way that made Spencer uncomfortable. "Last chance. I can get my man to swing you a hotel room for practically nothing… Even you might get a little lovin' out there."

Spencer shook his head as he shoved things into his bag without even looking at what he was doing. "Thanks anyway." He knew that his voice was low, and he tried his hardest to make it unreadable.

"Come on, Reid…" Morgan rose a brow. "Live a little."

"I have to go… Uh… I'm going home." He spoke quickly as he hurried away from them. "Have a good one, guys."

"Bye…" Elle's voice was questioning as she called after him.

He knew that his lack of chatter would raise questions. He knew it. But Spencer didn't care. Not only was he going to spend the week of his vacation with his mother in an insane asylum, he hadn't seen or heard from Kya in weeks. He had written her letters. A letter for every case he had had since they had stopped talking, and any other information he thought she needed. And, as much fun as a free trip to Jamaica sounded, he just wasn't up for it. His heart was aching as he made his way out of the FBI headquarters.

_**musical interlude**_

Kya closed her eyes as she stood in her living room. There, in her floor, was a small white envelope with her name written tidily on the front of it in a slightly angled handwriting. Spencer. She sighed as she picked up the envelope, cursing him silently in her head. She didn't hate the fact that he wrote to her. As a matter of fact, Kya cherished every letter. Every word, every connotation was a distraction from the loneliness that was now ever-present. She slipped her finger underneath the lip of the envelope, eagerly tearing it open. She pulled out the letter. It was shorter than most of the others were, but she didn't care. She would read it over and over until she had memorized every phrase.

"Kya,

I haven't been on a case, which is usually the pretense of my letters to you. Instead, I wanted to let you know that I will be gone for a week. Apparently, the team has been doing so well that every member has been allotted vacation time, so I'm going to Las Vegas to visit my mother. I haven't seen her in a while, so it will be good to visit her.

Now that the crucial meaning of my message has gotten through, onto the important things. I miss you…"

Kya's heart fell as she read the words.

"I know that it seems so silly, but I do. I had gotten so used to seeing you every night. I know that I was your escape from your past, from the loneliness. You were my escape from the terrors of my job. I know that only a few months ago, I was able to do this without you, but I can't seem to find my way back to that. So, I'm just putting it out there. I miss you. Fiercely. And I just need you to know that. At least, I need to know that I have attempted to tell you. I honestly have no idea whether or not you even read these letters. You could, for all I know, throw them away without even opening them. But, if that's not the case, then please… I beg you to reconsider all of this. If you want to be friends, we can be friends. I should never have overstepped the way I did.

I'm sorry.

As I said before, I'm not on a case. I will have my phone turned on at all times. So please… If you feel even the slightest amount of pain from my absence in your life… Just please call me.

-Spencer"

Kya felt the piece of paper slip from her fingers. There were tears pooling in her eyes, and she felt them run over onto her cheeks.

_**Ahhhhhhh I can't even ghvjbmndskjm,c**_

_**OKAY. I hoped you didn't get as emotional as I did while writing this chapter. asdfghjkl;**_

_**Please leave me a review! Thank you guys for reading and reviewing and favoriting and subscribing and... Just being awesome.**_

_**I love you guys!**_

_**Xx**_


	14. Skeleton Key

He could see her from where he was standing. Spencer bit down on his bottom lip. His mother was only a few feet from him, and she didn't even realize that he was so close. He watched her where she was sitting, bending over a notebook in her lap.

"I heard a rumor you were here…"

Spencer jumped at the voice and turned to face Dr. Jesson, his mother's physician. He gave her a small smile.

"How is she doing?" He spoke lowly, not wanting his mother to hear.

"Schizophrenia's a lifetime illness. The meds stabilize the worst of her symptoms, but she still has bad days. What makes her most happy are her journals and your daily letters."

Spencer swallowed at her words. He loved his mother, but he wasn't ready to face her. Not yet.

"She is exceptionally proud of you." The doctor spoke up again.

"She is?" He turned to look at Dr. Jesson's face, and she nodded.

"She talks about you all the time. To anyone who will listen. Staff, other patients… her journals are filled with the cases you write her about. She calls them your adventures." There was a small smile on the doctors face as she spoke, but Spencer felt a wave of guilt wash over him.

"Mom is of the belief that you can find adventure all around you if you just look. That's what happens when you're a professor of 15th century literature." He felt a smile working on his mouth now as he spoke fondly of the woman across the room.

"Well, she's gonna be so excited that you were finally able to get down here in person."

Spencer paused at her words.

"Maybe it's better if I just let her rest today." He took a step backward.

"Rest?"

"Yeah, I'll… I'll come back tomorrow." He spoke the words hurriedly. He needed to get out of this place. Away from his mother, and away from Jesson's judgmental glare.

"But, doctor… She's-"

"Could you just give this to her?" Spencer cut her off, holding out a book, which Dr. Jesson aptly took. "It's Marjorie Kemp. Her favorite." He shoved his hands into his pockets and avoided the woman's gaze.

"It could be really good for her if you could just…"

"Please." Spencer held up a hand, moving toward the door. "Thank you so much. Thanks." He hurried out the door and down the hallway.

What had he been thinking? There was no way he was going to be able to see her. No way whatsoever. So, instead of doing what he had originally intended on doing, he went to his hotel to try and get some sleep. Of course, his hopes of sleep were foiled. He sighed and sat down at the edge of the bed, knowing that tonight, just like every other night, would be unbearably long.

**_Intermission. Go have some popcorn. Or a soda. OR. PISTACHIOS._**

He awoke early the next morning, having only gotten a few hours sleep. He made his way directly to the coffeepot on the other side of the room, got dressed, and hurried out the door. His hotel was only a few blocks from his mother's hospital, so it took him only a few minutes to walk in the front door of Bennington. He knew exactly where he was going, so he easily slipped past the reception desk and down a hallway.

"Dr. Reid?" A woman's voice caused him to turn, facing the receptionist. "Someone delivered this to the desk last night for you."

"What?" Spencer was confused as he made his way back toward her, taking the package from her hands. He checked the name and address twice before carefully opening the parcel. Inside, he found a small manila envelope. He opened it with a quizzical expression on his face and watched as a skeleton key fell into his hand. He twirled it between his fingers for a moment before noticing that there was a note inside the envelope. He pulled it out, opening it cautiously.

"She'll die unless you save her, Dr. Reid. Call Gideon, he knows." He read aloud, taking in the woman's clearly terrified expression. He turned from the desk, immediately heading toward the exit of the building. Kya. Liam. What the hell was going on? He dialed Garcia's number.

"What do you want, Reid?" Her furious tone caught him off guard, but he ignored it.

"I need you to track a post mark for me..?" He spoke the words quickly.

"Can't. My system was hacked. It's done… D-O-N-E. And I'm afraid my technological genius is of no help without my network." Penelope seethed, then paused. "Wait… Did you get a package, too?"

"A skeleton key. And a note." He nodded at his words. "Too? Is everyone getting messages?"

"Elle got a dead body outside her hotel room." Garcia explained. "And Gideon got the head that was formerly attached to that body and a baseball card."

"JJ? Morgan or Hotch?" Spencer felt a stab of coldness sweep through him.

"Hotch got a phone call, JJ got a butterfly, and Morgan got to share Elle's present." Garcia spoke automatically, wanting to hang up so she could get back to her business. "And I got a lovely virus that eats software."

"Garcia…" Something in his voice made her fingers stop moving rapidly over the keyboard in front of her. "Do you think…?" He took a breath. "Adams?"

Penelope gasped. The thought that Liam Adams could be behind all of this hadn't even crossed her mind. "I don't know, Reid. What did your note say?"

"That she would die unless I saved her." He spoke the words lowly, something churning inside of him that resembled hate and anger and pain.

"You're on your way home?" Penelope started typing again.

"Walking into the hotel now. Let Gideon know that I got a package, too. Don't bring up Kya… I mean, Emmalee, to the others until we are absolutely sure that we have no choice." Spencer opened his suitcase and began piling his clothes into it.

"Ok." She moved to hang up the phone, but his voice called her attention once more.

"Garcia?" There was something along the lines of desperation audible in the way the word left his mouth.

"Yeah?" She stopped typing again.

"I need you to do me a favor." He sighed into the receiver.

"Name it." Penelope answered without thinking.

**_Guitar Solo_**

Kya was sitting at the kitchen table when the phone rang. She had a pile of clothes in front of her on the wooden surface, and she had just picked up her favorite T-Shirt. She folded it in half vertically and waited for the answering machine to pick up. She folded the sleeves in and the folded once more, horizontally.

"This is Kya. Sorry I missed you! Leave your name and number, and I'll get right back to you ASAP! Have a great day!" She rolled her eyes at her voice on the machine. She sounded happy. Her entire life was a lie.

"Ms. Valde?" The woman on the other end of the phone sounded nervous and angry. "My name is Penelope Garcia, and I work for the Behavioral Analysis Unit of the FBI…" Kya froze, jumping from her chair and knocking the pile of already folded laundry into the floor. "I am calling to um…" The woman paused, unsure of what to say. "Well, I need to know that you're ok. Dr. Spencer Reid asked me to call… There have been some… Well, I need you to come down to the FBI headquarters as soon as you can for… Protective custody…" She sighed, and Kya picked up the phone.

"Hello?" Her voice was shaken. Had something happened to Spencer?

"Oh, thank God." The voice on the other end sounded relieved. "You're ok. Wait… You _are_ ok, right?"

"I'm fine…" Kya shook her head. "What's going on? Is Spencer hurt?"

"No, no, no…" Penelope shook her head. "It's nothing like that. The Boy Genius is fine. He's actually on his way home right now."

"On his way home?" Kya furrowed her brows. "What's going on? Why do I need to come…"

She stopped talking, pieces falling into place inside her head. What would make Spencer leave Nevada early because he was worried about her? What would make him concerned to the point that he would call and have her go into protective custody before he even made it home? Oh God, no… Liam.

"What happened?" Kya was surprised at how even her voice came out. She quickly tied her hair into a loose ponytail, hurrying into her bedroom to put on something other than the tank top she had slept in. Realizing that all of her clothes were in the dining room, she ran back into the room, listening intently as Penelope explained what was going on. Kya felt her eyes prick and she felt a stream of tears start to pour as she hung up the phone. No. This couldn't be happening. She had let Spencer go. She had pushed him away, and for what? For it to be too late? She tugged her T-Shirt on over her head and put her wig into place. On her way out, she whistled, and both dogs came bounding in from the bedroom. She quickly locked each deadbolt once she had closed the door, and she hurried into the elevator. Once inside, she started to panic. Why was this happening to her? Again.

It seemed like only seconds before she arrived at the headquarters. She approached the front desk after a long goodbye to both of her dogs.

"Can I help you, Miss?" A very pretty blonde woman was walking past her.

"I'm looking for Penelope Garcia?" Kya's voice shook, and the woman looked her over.

"Is she expecting you?" JJ narrowed her eyes in though when Kya nodded. She pulled her phone out and dialed the technical analyst's number.

"I wish you people would just let me work!" Garcia all but screamed into the phone.

"Sorry, Penelope, but there's a redhead down here looking for you. Says her name is…"

"Kya." Garcia nodded. "Send her up."

JJ hung up the phone and smiled. "Sorry. I should have taken your word for it, but there have been some strange goings on around here lately." She shrugged as she led Kya upstairs and twisting down hallways.

"Here you go." She opened the door to Garcia's office, and Penelope immediately leapt up.

"Kya!" She pulled her into a hug. "So good to see you again… It's been forever!"

JJ rose a brow at their exchange and the shocked expression on Kya's face.

"Ok, JJ. Garcia the Techie has to get to work. Leave us be." Penelope shot her a glare and JJ immediately closed the door behind her on her way out.

"If anyone asks," Penelope sat back down, turning in her seat to face her monitors again. "You're my sister. Adoptive. And we lived in the suburbs of Pleasantville." She smiled at her own words.

"No one else knows?" Kya was breathless. "Liam is coming here and he didn't have the decency to tell everyone else on his team?"

"We don't know if this is Mr. Adams or not." Penelope typed frivolously and watched as Kya slouched onto the floor, wrapping her arms around her knees. She was pretty. And Reid said that she was perfect. "His number one priority was your discretion."

Kya opened her mouth to speak, but was cut off by Penelope's scream.

"I got you now, you dirty rat!" She pulled out a notepad and scribbled onto it.

"Excuse me?" Kya was confused.

"The person who hacked into my computer system's name is Frank Giles." She turned to look at Kya's relieved expression.

"So… this isn't Liam?" She sighed.

""It could be an alias. But I have an address…" Penelope leapt from her chair. "I'll be right back."

It seemed like hours that Kya was alone in Garcia's office. She rested her forehead on her knees and sighed, closing her eyes.

_**Thank you for reading. It is 2 am here, so I apologize for the brief note. Usually, I would fill you with randomocity. But alas. Not tonight. I wanted to get this chapter up before Thanksgiving. And Saturday is my birthday. EXCITEMENT. So, I hope you liked this. And I hope you ave a greath Thanksgiving! :D**_

_**Oh. And please leave a review? I love you guys.**_

_**Xx**_


	15. Rules

Spencer was slightly relieved when Garcia had told him that Kya was safe, and of all the aliases she had found for Liam Adams, Frank Giles wasn't one of them. In fact, Frank Giles had been killed. He opened the door to the motel where the crime scene was, and he heard the voices of his teammates.

"To learn of what must next be done, leave the blade till the hour be none." Hotch's voice was perplexed.

"Hour be none?" Derek's tone was laced with just as much confusion.

"Leave the blade…" Hotch pondered. "The bed's in the middle of the room."

"Which isn't by chance?" Morgan piped up.

"And maybe the light from here casts a shadow and points to something?" Hotch finished his thought.

"Come on, are we in the middle of an Indiana Jones movie?" Elle rolled her eyes.

"The hour be none?" Aaron looked up from the dead body.

"Well, midnight is 0:00 hours in 24 hour time. Would that be right?" Morgan replied.

"Midnight wouldn't cast a shadow." Hotch shook his head.

"Hour be none..?" Morgan pondered aloud.

"3 pm." Spencer finally spoke up from the back of the room, causing everyone to turn and look at him with relieved expressions on their faces. "Hey guys, Garcia told me where to find you."

"3 pm?" Gideon asked, a quizzical look on his face.

"It's medieval. The days used to be broken up into hourly intervals. The chronicle hours of the breviary: Prime: 6 am. Terce: 9 am. Sext: 12 noon. None: 3 pm. And vesper: 6 pm." He spoke matter-of-factly.

"Reid, do not ever go away again." Elle pointed at him in a scolding manner from across the room. He forced a small smile.

"Medieval. That's why the language changed…" Gideon nodded.

"Everything this guy does is a clue." Aaron spoke slowly.

"Ok, but guys… it's 4:35." Derek shrugged. "what do we do, leave the blade in till 3 pm tomorrow?"

"Not if we can block that window out…" Spencer stepped further into the room. And motioned toward a crime scene detective. "Do you have any spotlights in your car?"

"Sure." The detective nodded and hurried to get what he had asked for. By the time she returned, they had the room completely dark.

"Let's see…" Spencer knelt on the floor. "If the sun is about right here…" He held the light at the necessary angle. "Morgan, follow the shadow as I move the light higher."

Morgan moved the bedside table out of the way and turned to face his team once Reid had moved the light.

"Ok, and do what?" Derek asked.

"Tap." Hotch instructed, and Morgan complied, tapping along the wall until he found a hollow spot.

"It's hollow." Derek confirmed.

"Definitely an Indiana Jones movie." Elle remarked.

"Feels like the wallpaper's been replaced." Morgan spoke up again, pushing his hand against the weak spot in the sheetrock.

"Tear it open." Aaron spoke firmly and Derek pulled out his knife, doing as he was instructed.

"It's a box." Morgan pulled the sheetrock away and stepped back to show them.

"Take it out." Aaron was biting his inner cheek now.

"Wait, wait, wait…" Spencer stood. "Are we sure that's safe?"

"What, you think it's a bomb? You think he'd be playing this game just to blow us up?" Hotch shrugged.

"He would've already done that with as long as we've been standing here." Morgan noted, pulling the small box from inside the wall. He set it carefully on the bedside table he had moved and Hotch kneeled in front of it for a closer look. Derek tried to open it, but failed, sighing. "It's locked. Want me to break it?"

"No, we should process it first." Aaron's voice was unenthusiastic.

"The youngest holds the key." Gideon spoke from the far corner, and Spencer reached into his pocket, pulling the small skeleton key from where it sat. He moved across the room and knelt in front of the table, carefully trying the key in the lock. With a _click_, the box opened, a soft melodic lullaby filling the room.

"Schubert." Gideon remarked. "The trout quintet."

"Five people fishing." Hotch nodded as Spencer pulled a small piece of paper from the box.

"Never would it be night, but always clear day," He read aloud. "To any man's sight."

Elle shook her head. "Well, that was worth it." She sighed, walking away from them.

"The lid." Gideon was staring at the box. "There's a tab right under the lock."

Spencer repositioned the music box, seeing what Gideon was talking about. Morgan pulled the tab, revealing a false top. Inside the little space was a disk and lock of hair.

"Oh god…" Elle grimaced at the sight, taking the hair from Morgan and placing it into an evidence bag.

Morgan sighed exasperatedly as he read the words written on the disk.

"Thy Quest."

The feeling of hands on her hair caused Kya to jolt awake. She hadn't even realized she was sleeping. Another thing she hadn't realized was that Penelope had come back into the room a few hours ago. The first thing Kya noticed, however, was that she was looking up at Spencer Reid.

"Spencer…" She groaned, stretching her legs out in front of her and grimacing at the sickening _pop _her knees made. "You're here? How long was I asleep? Did you find Liam?" She was still half asleep as he helped her to her feet, which caused her to sway lightly. She tried not to notice how she felt the urge to smile when he wrapped his arm around her shoulders.

"Garcia says you've been sleeping for about four hours." He smiled lightly. He was so happy to see her, even under such grave circumstances. "I'm sorry for worrying you, Kya…" He moved his eyes from hers. "The unsub left a disk with instructions for us… I was able to deduce that Liam isn't the man that has been sending us gifts."

Kya put a hand over her heart to steady it's thumping. "That's great." She smiled lightly up at him. "That's good, Spencer." She noticed how he was still holding her, and she knew that she should pull away, but she didn't want to. "He left a disk of instructions?"

"No one else outside the team can participate in our 'quest'." He used air quotes around the word. There's footage of a hostage and the state she has reached from being held for so long. He also informed us that we have everything we would need to complete the quest, and we just need a book that has inspired many an adventure like his own."

"A book that inspired adventures?" Kya looked at him. "What does that mean?"

"I don't know…" Spencer gazed off.

"Reid…" When Spencer looked up to see Morgan standing in the doorway, he was slightly angered by the way his eyes raked over Kya, "Hello there."

Kya's gaze hit the floor and Spencer unlooped his arm from around her.

"This is…?" Derek raised a brow.

"My sister, Kya." Penelope spoke up. "Keep your eyes to yourself, Agent Morgan, this little beauty is off the market."

"Reid?" Morgan looked surprised.

"No." Spencer shook his head. "We're neighbors."

"Ok…" Derek didn't sound convinced, but he dropped it. "We've got something. The bastard went to Hotch's house and delivered a package to Haley."

"He went to the door?" Spencer moved out of the room without even hesitating. He ran his fingertips soothingly along Kya's back before he left.

"Yeah. Brought some kind of numbered clue." Morgan nodded, leading him into the conference room. On the bulletin board was a piece of paper covered with numbers.

"My eyes are so heavy, I can barely even see it." Elle groaned.

"I think it's a coded message of some sort." Spencer spoke up, moving toward the paper. "The unsub said we needed a book, didn't he?" He glanced to Derek.

"Yeah." The man nodded. "A book that inspired many an adventure."

"It's a book code." Spencer explained, motioning with his hands to get his point across. "Each one of these sets of numbers represents a particular word. For instance," He pointed. "The page 118, line 30, word 3. We need to figure out what the words are and fill in the blanks."

"Yeah, but… From what book?" Elle asked the important question.

Spencer bit his lip in thought. "I don't know. The trouble is, it has to be the exact same edition of the exact same book that he used."

"Just got a DNA hit on the lock of hair." JJ entered the room. "Rebecca Bryant. She's been missing out of Boston for two years."

"Two years?" Elle's voice was shocked.

"Guys…" Morgan spoke up. "How are we supposed to find out which book this code is copied from?"

"I have no idea…" Spencer shook his head. "He said we have everything needed to complete the quest."

"The answer's gotta be up there." Elle stated.

"JJ, get some reporters here as soon as possible." Gideon breezed by.

"For what?" She questioned.

"Just say we need help on a new case." He replied.

"A pale, clouded yellow butterfly indigenous to Great Britain?" Spencer and Derek were shuffling through the evidence bags. Elle was sleeping uncomfortably in the chair across from them. Aaron entered the room, but neither agent looked up at him.

"How's it going?" Reid sighed at the question.

"The answer to what book we need has to be in here." Spencer bit down on his lip thoughtfully.

"Yeah," Morgan nodded. "But we sure as hell can't see it."

"Yet." Spencer looked over the items on the table in front of him once more and heard a faint grunt behind him as Hotch nudged a sleeping Elle.

"I'm awake." She shot up in the seat, rubbing her eyes.

"I'm sending you home." Aaron's voice was stern, but Elle shook her head.

"No…" She protested, holding her head in her hands.

"You need to get some rest, and we won't do anything without you. I promise." He tried convincing her.

"Elle, seriously." Morgan offered assistance. "We're not any closer than we were. Get out of here. Go home."

"But…" She glanced at Hotch.

"It's an order." He confirmed.

She groaned, gathering her things and following Aaron out of the room.

"So…" Derek looked at him from across the table. "I didn't know Garcia had a sister…"

Spencer felt his face growing hot. He didn't want to have this conversation. Not with professional womanizer, Derek Morgan.

"Yeah…" He shuffled through the evidence one more time before standing and making his way over to the bulletin board.

"So..?" Derek's voice was expectant. "How long has she been your neighbor? How… How well do you know her, if you get my drift, my man?"

Spencer couldn't hold back the look of disgust that crossed his face. "There is nothing going on between Kya and I." The words hurt him as he spoke them. "End of story. I'm done talking about it." He glanced up as Agent Hotchner joined them.

"Reid, how many books do you think are published in a year?" Aaron sat down where Reid had once been seated and put his legs up on the table.

"In the world?" Spencer turned to look at his boss, ignoring Derek's annoyed glare. "Thousands."

"Great." Morgan rolled his eyes. "Now all we gotta do is find one."

Spencer ignored the men's chatter as he reread the note he had found in the box.

"Never would it be night, but always clear day to any man's sight." He sighed around the words, his brain working a mile a minute. He had heard these words before.

"Oh, Reid…" Morgan groaned. "Not again with the poem from the music box, please…"

"There's something familiar about it." He chewed his lip. "I think I've heard it somewhere before."

"I thought you had a photographic memory?" Derek raised a brow at him.

"Eidetic memory." Spencer corrected. "And that's primarily related to things I read. Like I said, this is something I think I've heard." He narrowed his eyes in thought.

"Which leads us..?" Hotch shook his head.

"Nowhere." Morgan finished the thought. "That's where it leads us."

Kya looked up as Spencer bolted through the door of Garcia's office.

"Is your…' He paused when his eyes fell on her. It made Kya's heart pound shamelessly in her chest. "Is your system back up?" His eyes left hers to look at the analyst.

"Yes." She nodded. "By some miracle of God. This guy is infuriatingly good." Penelope told him. "He routed his IP through major corporations, criss-crossed it through countries, bounced it off satellites…"

"I though you'd already tracked the hacker?" Spencer asked, pacing behind her, his eyes occasionally moving to look at Kya. It was so hard for him to concentrate with her here. He knew that it was safe for her to go home now, but he wasn't sure he would be able to live through being plunged into loneliness again.

"No. I only found what he wanted me to find: The apartment where Giles was dead." Garcia gritted her teeth. "Reid, a hacker capable of getting into my system is going to have amazingly sophisticated equipment. Did Giles's apartment have that?"

Spencer shook his head. "He didn't have a couch."

Garcia furrowed her brow. "Exactly."

Kya watched the exchange intently. It was odd for her to see Spencer so serious, so determined. Usually, he was soft, gentle.

"Giles was a smokescreen I should have seen through." Penelope chided herself. "But, now I have this glorious program I wrote tracking the hacker through his other identity." She narrowed her eyes as a window popped up, displaying his statistics.

"Sir Kneighf." Penelope all but spat the name.

"K-N-E-I-G-H-F." Spencer spelled the name aloud, bending closer to look at the screen. "That's an odd spelling."

Penelope turned, surprised by his closeness. "Do you need something?"

Spencer backed up. "Yeah. Is there a database which lists all the books published in a given year?"

"Individual publishers have a list, but I don't think there's like a master one." Garcia shrugged. "Plus, it would depend on the year, because the further back you go, it would be less likely that there would be any database at all."

"1963." Spencer crossed his arms.

"Yeah, ok." Penelope shook her head. "That would be an example of extremely less likely."

Spencer nodded, chewing his lip again. "Could you do me a favor? Type something into a search engine for me?"

Penelope nodded.

"Never would it be night, but always clear day to any man's sight." Spencer watched as her fingers ran quickly over the keys.

"Ok. That's from a poem. The Parliament of-" "Fowls!" Spencer's voice rose excitedly and Kya jumped at the sudden change of frequency. "Yes! Chaucer! My mother used to…" He smiled fondly, temporarily forgetting the situation. "My mom used to read me that." He glanced over at Kya. "It's widely considered as the first Valentine's poem."

Penelope couldn't help the grin that stretched over her lips. "Your mom read you Valentine's poems? Hello, therapy."

Kya's giggle was cut off by Spencer pondering aloud once more. "Chaucer… Fowls. Parliament of Fowls… Chaucer… It has to be at least 283 pages long, but…" He shook his head.

Kya watched him. The thoughtful expression on his face was amazing. "Something published in 1963. A butterfly indigenous to Great Britain, why? Something born… Something from Great Britain. Medieval. Chaucer…" He sighed. "Chaucer was middle-English. Middle-English spelling. The word 'fowls.' F-O-W-L-E-S…" A look of recognition crossed his face, and he began speaking rapidly.

"There was… There was a contemporary British author. Fowles. John Fowles." He motioned to Garcia enthusiastically. "Will you type that into a search engine?"

Penelope did as she was told. "He wrote _The Magus. _He wrote _The French Lieutenant's Woman…"_

"Anything in 1963, published in Great Britain?" Spencer looked over her shoulder.

"_The Collector_." Penelope nodded.

"Collector. Baseball cards, skeleton keys, music boxes… These are things that are collected." Spencer nodded, freezing when Garcia pulled up a copy of the cover of the book.

"Reid…" She gasped.

"Come on…" He tugged on Garcia, and she rose. His eyes met Kya's. "We'll be right back. You'll be able to go home soon. I promise." He gave her a small smile, which she couldn't help but return before he left the room.

"We know what the book is." The two agents met Gideon and Hotch in the hallway. "_The Collector._ by John Fowles."

"You sure?" Gideon raised a brow.

"Not absolutely. Not until we see if the code works, but I have 4 separate libraries searching for the 1963 edition published in Great Britain." He nodded.

"Well done, Reid." Aaron's words caused Spencer to smile.

"Agent Gideon…" A secretary approached them. "There's a call for you on line 2. Says it's extremely urgent."

"Is there a name?" Gideon rolled his eyes.

"Sort of." The woman looked uncomfortable. "He calls himself the Fisher King."

"This could be the unsub, guys…" Spencer looked up at them.

"Why?" Aaron asked.

"In mythology, the Fisher King is the grail king. Sir Kneighf. It's an anagram for Fisher King."

The four agents made their way to the nearest phone.

"Gideon." He spoke slowly, answering the line and putting it on speakerphone.

"What I had to do was not my fault." The voice on the other end of the line was raspy. The exact voice from the disk they had received.

"Excuse me?" Gideon looked at the phone.

"It was distasteful and barbaric!" He sounded angry, disgusted.

"Who is this?" Jason furrowed his brow.

"No one else had to be hurt…" The man sounded desperate now.

"You call yourself the Fisher King?" Gideon narrowed his eyes as he spoke.

"I told you there were rules."

"I'm actually more interested in how you got all those burns." Jason smiled.

"Remember this next time you decide to step outside my instructions. Agent Greenaway did not have to die like that." His voice cut off as he hung up the phone.

Spencer couldn't feel his fingertips.


	16. He Loves You

Kya was grateful to have been moved from Garcia's office into the conference room. Spencer had been on the phone with a library consultant for a few hours now decoding the numbered message, and he had asked if she wanted to join him. She sat in a chair that was a lot more comfortable than Penelope's floor. She watched him as he spoke to the woman over the phone, piecing together pieces of a puzzle that Kya herself would have never been able to figure out. Especially knowing that an agent had been shot. Spencer's job was dangerous. Kya knew that now. Would it be wrong of her to push him away from her for his safety when he was throwing himself into the line of danger everyday anyway? Once the code was cracked, Spencer began working on the riddle it proclaimed. She loved to watch him work the words over in his mind. His thoughtful expressions as he spoke each word over and over… It was fascinating to watch.

"Secrets from her knight." There was a change in his voice that made Kya worried. "Sits in a window."

Spencer's breath caught in his throat. He picked up the poem from earlier, reading it once more.

"Never would it be night…" He shook his head furiously. No. No, this wasn't happening. "It's never night in Las Vegas." He felt his hands begin to shake. His mother. The unsub was after his mother.

"Excuse me?" Penelope was obviously confused, but Kya's startled gasp told Spencer that she understood. She always understood. Panic coursed through his as he pushed things on the table aside, searching for the phone.

"I need to be connected to the field office closest to Las Vegas, Nevada immediately…" His voice was shaking as he spoke into the receiver. He waited for what seemed like forever before someone answered. "Hi. This is Dr. Spencer Reid with the Behavioral Analysis Unit in Quantico." He spoke hurriedly. "Look… I need my mother picked up and brought to Virginia in protective custody as soon as possible."

"What's going on?"

"We're searching for an unsub who shot one of our agents today, and I think he knows my mother, and I think she may be in danger." The words came out of his mouth so quickly that he thought he would have to repeat them.

"We'll take care of it. So you have an address?"

"Yes." He paused. "She's at the Bennington Sanitarium in Las Vegas." He spoke the words lowly. He was terrified. "Her name's Diana Reid. She's a patient there."

"We'll take care of it, Doctor, and have her flown in as soon as possible."

Spencer hung up the phone, turning to see Garcia standing closely behind him.

"Reid, I…" Her voice trailed off and she shook her head.

"Just don't." He resisted the urge to throw his hands into the air out of frustration. "This is all a nightmare." He turned on his heels and hurried from the room.

Garcia looked at the ground, then to Kya.

"He never told any of you about her?" Kya's voice was soft.

"I don't understand why he thought he couldn't tell us." Penelope shook her head.

"It's not that he doesn't trust you guys." Kya clarified. "He tells me everyday that you guys are his family. Or, the closest thing to a family he's ever had."

"Then why..?" Penelope looked at her hands.

"He doesn't even talk about her to me. Not after the initial conversation." She spoke the words thoughtfully. "I guess he kind of felt obligated to tell me. Since I had shared so much with him."

"He loves you." Kya felt the air leaving her lungs when Garcia said the words. "You know that, right?"

"I…" She dropped her gaze to the ground.

"I should probably go find him." Penelope sighed.

"Can I?" Kya felt the words forming on her lips before she realized what she was saying. When the blonde woman nodded, Kya left the room.

She found Spencer standing in the hallway with his forehead pressed up against the wall. His eyes were clenched shut.

"Can we… Go somewhere and talk?" She kept her voice soft. He groaned.

"I don't feel like talking about _us_ right now." She flinched as he put an emphasis on the word. "I don't feel like doing anything but finding a corner to waste away in…"

"Spencer…" She wanted to wrap her arms around him, to assure him that things would be alright. She hated seeing him like this, so broken, so wounded.

He moved his forehead from the wall. He would never be able to refuse her, and he silently cursed himself for that. He led her down the hallway and into an unused office. He shut the door behind him and turned to face her. She was biting on her lip thoughtfully.

"Talk." She crossed her arms over her chest, leaning against the far wall.

"About..?" Spencer leaned against the door in the same fashion. "About how much I miss you? About how much it tortures me to not see you? I can't do this now." He ran a hand through his hair and shook his head. "My mother…" What had he done? She was in danger. He had successfully managed to hurt the last person that counted on him.

"Tell me, Spencer. All of those angry thoughts… Get them off of your chest." Kya sighed when he shook his head again.

"Kya, don't…"

"Your mother is in the crosshairs of someone who shot Agent Greenaway." She saw him flinch when she cut him off.

"Stop it." He spat the words.

"Scream at me, Spencer." She blinked.

"No!" His voice was louder than he had intended it to be as he moved across the room. His face was merely inches from hers. "Just… Just drop it."

Kya didn't cringe away from his closeness. There was an angry fire alight in his eyes, and she closed her eyes. "I will not drop it until you talk to me."

Spencer growled, turning away from her. "What do you want me to say, Kya? Or should I even call you that? It's not your real name."

She flinched, but he continued. She deserved this. And he needed to get the anger off of his chest before he exploded.

"You don't have a family. You wouldn't understand what it's like to _choose_ not to see your own mother!" He let out an exasperated sigh. "Then again, I delude myself into thinking that I'm doing what's best for her, when the reality is… I can't look at her." He felt his eyes start to prick and he kept his back to her. "She's still the woman who raised me, the woman who read to me whenever I was having a bad day, but I'm so scared of turning into her, Kya…" He slumped over and felt her hand on his shoulder. He instinctively pulled away. "I can't do this…"

"I'll stay with her… While she's here. You don't have to see her." She tried to keep her voice even, somewhat relieved that he had opened up a little.

"That's not what I'm talking about." He massaged his temples, then turned to look at her. The look of pure torture on his face made Kya's heart break. "This." He motioned between them. "Being with you… I shouldn't be here. I can't do this."

"Spencer…"

"No." He cut her off. "My mother… She just reminds me of what I'm becoming. And… If you don't want me when I'm normal, or as close to normal as I can possibly get, then how will it be when my mind is deteriorating?" His words were a punch to the gut. "I can't let myself get attached, because every time I do, the object of my affections gets ripped from me. My mother is a prime example of that. I can't save her, so I avoid her. And yet, in her mind, I'm a saint. Sweet innocent Spencer, who would never do any wrong, who would never ignore her." He shook his head. "You can't make me think that things are going to be okay between us if, when this is over, you are going to ignore me for my own good."

Spencer tried to recognize the array of emotions that crossed her face. He couldn't pick a single one out, though. He closed his eyes. Then, something happened. He felt her fingertips brushing against his cheek, wiping away a tear that had somehow managed to escape his eyes. He felt her arms wrap around him, and he unconsciously looped his arms around her shoulders, returning the embrace. She buried her face into his chest and he exhaled, realizing that he had been holding his breath since he had stopped talking.

"I'm sorry." She whispered, and he shook his head.

"Thank you." He pressed his forehead against the top of her head.

They stayed like that for a few moments. Just standing in each others arms. It was what both of them needed more than anything else. When Spencer finally pulled away, there was a small smile on his face.

"I need to get back to work." He sighed. "Or at least, my desk."

"I guess I'll head back to the conference room." Kya nodded.

"There's an empty desk across the aisle from mine if you'd feel more comfortable there?" He smiled lightly when she nodded. They made their way back into the bullpen and both sat down. Kya pulled a pen and a piece of paper from the unused desk and began to scribble. She only looked up when she saw Penelope approaching Spencer.

"She's ok." She spoke softly, causing Spencer to look up from whatever he was doing. "Your mom. They just picked her up, and she's flying over."

He nodded lightly. "I forgot she used to always read me this poem." He shook his head. "It's funny, huh?"

"Funny?" Penelope smiled lightly.

"I should have realized this sooner. I mean, nobody knows things, like the fact that JJ used to collect butterflies, except for me. People tell me their secrets all the time. I think it's because they know I don't have anyone to betray them to. Except my mother… I tell her pretty much everything." He cast a sidelong glance at Kya, who had gone back to her scribbling.

Garcia shook her head. "I don't think anyone would mind."

"Did you know that I write her a letter everyday?" His voice was amused, but Kya looked up at the words.

"That's nice." Penelope grinned. Kya shook her head, trying to signal Garcia to change the subject, but she didn't see her.

"Depends on why I write her." He looked at his hands.

"What do you mean?"

"I write her letters so I won't feel so guilty about not visiting her." He avoided her gaze, and when she didn't respond, he continued. "Did you know that schizophrenia is genetically passed?" He chewed on the inside of his cheek as Garcia walked away, then felt something soft against his hands. Kya's fingers laced with his, and he moved his eyes to look at her.

"Did you know that you don't have to try so hard to make people feel uncomfortable around you? Penny is just worried about you and was trying to make you feel better." Kya kept her voice low.

"Penny?" Spencer raised a brow, squeezing her hand lightly.

"Why not?" She shrugged and smiled, pulling her hand from his to slide her chair back across the aisle.

"I need coffee." Spencer sighed, rubbing at his eyes. "You?"

"I'm fine." Kya glanced at the clock. She had been here for seven hours. She watched as Spencer rose from his seat and moved into the conference room. She looked back down at the notebook in front of her. She had scribbled a series of spirals and swirls tightly knit across the entire page. She sighed, glancing up as a woman walked into the bullpen, flanked on both sides by two agents. Her hair was short and blonde, and she looked terribly upset. Kya didn't have to look twice at the woman to know who she was. The far away look in her eyes told her all she needed to know. She could see the uncomfortable expression crossing Spencer's face as he spoke to her.

Kya watched as he escorted her out of the break room and into the conference room. The two were speaking quickly to each other, and Kya noted that, despite her illness, Diana Reid was probably brilliant. The woman walked around the round table with a small smile on her face, and when she looked away from her son, his own smile faltered. Kya wanted to go to him and take his uneasiness from him. She saw Diana make her way to the bulletin board, picking up a bag that was tacked to the cork. She was slightly amused at the frazzled expression on Spencer's face as he hurried to her, pulling the bag from her hands and putting it into his pocket. He tried talking calmly to her, but Kya could tell that her voice was raising as she glanced around the room. She watched as he led his mother across the room and sat her into a chair. He turned the TV on and showed her something, no doubt the disk that the unsub had sent them. Not even five seconds after the video started playing, Diana's face fell into an open mouthed stare. Spencer paused the tape, no doubt recognizing the same thing that Kya saw. His mother knew this man. Spencer had been right.


	17. Tug of War

"How long is he usually gone?" Diana was staring at Kya from across the table.

"He doesn't usually have cases in Virginia." She tried to keep her voice even. Honestly, she was immensely intimidated by this woman. "So, it's weeks at a time sometimes."

"Is he getting enough sleep?"

"I try to make sure he rests whenever he's home." She spoke the words uncomfortably.

Diana paused, looking Kya over. After a moment, the older woman pursed her lips. "Hmm…"

"Something wrong?" Kya shifted uncomfortably in her seat.

"I'm just trying to figure out why he didn't tell me about you." Diana crossed her arms. "My Spencer tells me everything. I honestly can't think of a reason for him to keep you from me. You're a pretty girl." She said the last phrase in an obvious tone that made Kya's cheeks flush. "I just… It doesn't make sense."

"Well…"

"Listen, I have a class in the morning." Diana's words made Kya's brows furrow. "I would love to stay and try to help you with this, but, if you're not willing to listen to what I'm trying to teach you, it's no use."

Diana picked up a notebook from the table and moved to sit on the couch. As soon as she was settled, Spencer entered the room. He had a fond smile on his face as he looked at his mother.

"Mom, we found her…" He grinned. "Rebecca's safe. You helped us save her life." When Diana didn't respond, Spencer's smile faded, and Kya felt her heart drop. He moved closer to his mother, and she looked up at him sharply.

"Is it time for lunch yet?" Diana asked her son, looking through him as if he weren't anyone she knew.

"What?" Spencer's voice was wounded.

"I'm lecturing in the morning. _Tristan and Isolde._ And they're all gathering in my room afterward for lunch." Diana explained.

The look of pain, of loss, that crossed Spencer's face was almost too much for Kya to handle. "Can I attend the lecture, too?" He asked half-heartedly.

"Ever read any of the material?" Diana raised a brow at her son.

"I've had them read to me." His smile was small, and he only spoke few words, but Kya knew that this simple gesture, this simple phrase, spoke volumes between them.

"Wonderful." Diana smiled. "That's the best way, isn't it?"

Spencer nodded. "Yes, Ma'am. By far."

When Diana looked away from him, he turned to Kya.

"You can go home. I'm going to fly back to Vegas with her. She's scared of planes." He looked over to his mother, noting that he had moved unconsciously closer to Kya. She stood from where she was seated and wrapped her arms around his waist. He returned the embrace, holding her longer than he probably should have. "I'm sorry I drug you down here…"

"I'm not." She whispered, her hands grazing across the fabric of his shirt as she pulled away. She furrowed her brow, moving around him. "You're clothes are burnt." She stated.

"There's a story with that." He smiled meekly. "But right now, I have to get my mother home."

Kya nodded, then paused. "How are you going to keep her calm on the jet?"

Spencer's smile grew into an outright grin. He reached into his messenger bag and pulled out a small book. Kya returned the smile as she looked at the collection of Edgar Allan Poe poems she had given him for his birthday.

"Try to get some rest." She ran her fingertips along his cheek, and Spencer closed his eyes at her touch. "And I'll see you tomorrow."

_**Insert dramatic pause here.**_

Kya groaned, sitting up on the couch. When had she fallen asleep? And why was she awake? She glanced up at the clock above the entertainment center, groaning again when she saw what time it was. 7:23 pm. She had successfully managed to sleep all day, seeing as how she had gotten home around 5 am.

"Who is it?" Her voice was hoarse, betraying her exhaustion.

"Who else?" Spencer's voice made her give a sigh of relief. He was home. He was safe. She opened the door, then grimaced internally. She hadn't even had time to check and see if her hair was a tangled nest atop her head. Spencer's face fell slightly when he had time to look her over, and Kya knew that she probably looked a mess.

"You were sleeping." Spencer sighed. "I'm sorry. I can come back…"

'No." She cut him off. "No, no, no… Come in." She stepped aside.

"No." He shook his head. "It's good that you are resting."

"I had just woken up, Spencer." She frowned. "I've slept all day. I'm not going to be able to sleep at all tonight if I go back to bed." That was the truth.

"Ok…" His voice trailed off with a sigh as he stepped inside. He moved to the couch, tossing her blanket aside and taking a seat. Kya sat next to him, her eyes watching him.

"Did you sleep?" She questioned, noting that the circles underneath his eyes had a darker hue to them that they usually did.

"On the jet ride back." He nodded.

"You look exhausted." She pressed her back against the arm rest on the opposite side of the couch as him, stretching her legs out between them.

"Don't be so kind. Your flattering words will make my head swell." He grinned.

"Is that sarcasm?" Kya's eyes lit up. "Is Spencer Reid actually being sarcastic with me?" She noted the way his cheeks flushed. She wanted to kiss him. "Someone's in a decent mood today." She remarked.

"Well… I have a good reason." He pursed his lips together. "I made a phone call."

"You did?" Kya was genuinely curious now. "About what, pray tell?"

"Well, I have been pondering our current situation…" He paused, moving his gaze from hers. "And, since the looming issue between us was the fact that I got attached, I…" he cleared his throat. "I have found a way to assure you that I can be just friends with you."

Kya's heart dropped. What? She wanted to scream, to rip her hair out. Instead, she raised a brow. "You did something?" She kept her vice even.

"You see…" Spencer started talking, motioning grandly with his hands. "I realized that you may still have some reservations about keeping me in your life. I understand that, I do. I mean, if the only person that actually _knew_ me started throwing themselves at me, I would feel pretty uncomfortable, too. So… I called Lila."

"Lila?" Kya spoke the name softly. "Lila Archer? The TV star from your LA case?"

"The very same. She…" He paused. "She kind of gave me the impression that she was interested in me while we were working the case. So, I called her. And she's coming to stay with me for a while."

"Doesn't she have like… Filming to do and stuff?" Kya couldn't keep the resentment from her voice.

"No. They wrapped up shooting last week." Spencer spoke smoothly. "She's landing here tomorrow. I just… I needed to tell you."

"Why?" Kya spoke the word without thinking. Why? Why was this happening? Why was Spencer doing this to her?

"Because when I'm gone, I'm hoping you could keep her company. She doesn't know anyone here…" His voice trailed off.

"Sure!" Kya felt the word slip off of her lips before she could stop it. This is what Spencer wanted. This was safer for him, anyway, no matter how painful the realization was.

"Really?" He looked skeptical and slightly hurt.

"Of course, Spencer. I'm happy for you." The words left a bitter taste in her mouth, but she managed to say them smoothly.

He stood suddenly. "Ok, then." He turned to leave, but she caught his hand, trying not to notice how he cringed when she touched him.

"Wait." Kya wanted to beg him to stay with her, to forget Lila and to stay here tonight. But she didn't. She knew that what he was doing… She knew that it was what he needed. "Tell me how your clothes got burnt."

Spencer closed his eyes and sat next to her. "Bomb explosion."

"What?" Kya felt her eyes bug out of her head.

"Randall Garner thought that I would be able to heal his burns. And when I couldn't he blew himself up." He shrugged.

"A bomb?" She could barely breathe. "Like… An actual bomb. You were in an explosion?"

"No one was hurt." He furrowed his brow. "Except for my clothes, of course."

Kya shook her head. She didn't like this. She didn't like knowing that he could be hurt so easily. "You don't have any burns?"

"No." Spencer smiled lightly, seeing the worry in her eyes. It was comforted him and broke his heart at the same time. She was worried about him, but she would never want him the way he wanted her. He took an unsteady breath. "So…" He stood again. "I'm gonna go. Lots of… Tidying up to do before Lila gets here."

Kya nodded. Spencer felt a small spark of hope in his gut. Was that disappointment he saw in her eyes? He shook his head again. No. No, it couldn't be. It made no sense for someone like Kya to want someone like him.

Spencer let himself out. And he didn't need to "tidy up" his apartment. He opened his phone, dialing his voicemail. He held the phone up to his ear.

_You have one saved message. Press one to play this message._

Spencer pressed one.

_Message one. Received today at 3:47 pm._

"_Hey Spence. It's Lila. I um… I have a few months off. If you're not too busy, I'd like to come visit. Just um… Just call me and let me know."_

_End of message. To replay this message press 4._

Spencer hung up. He looked through his contacts, a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. He had hoped that telling Kya of Lila's offer would make her confess to having feelings for him. But she hadn't. Because there were no feelings.

"Hello?" Lila's voice filled his ear.

"Lila?" He almost choked on her name. "It's Spencer."

"Spencer, hey!" He could hear a smile in her voice. "You got my message?"

"Yeah." He nodded as he spoke. It was automatic, even though he knew that she wouldn't be able to see him. "I…" He took a breath. "I'd love for you to come."

"Great!" Her voice was enthusiastic. "When should I fly out?"

"Tomorrow too soon?" He couldn't keep the desperation out of his voice, and he heard her chuckle.

"A little eager, are we?" His cheeks flamed. "Tomorrow's fine."

"Ok. Just… Just let me know when your flight's going to land so I can pick you up." He bit down on his lip.

"Ok. I'll call you tomorrow, Spence." She hung up.

Spencer tangled his fingers into his hair. This was the right thing to do, right? He grabbed his keys and left the apartment, knowing that there was only one place he could possibly go.

**_OKAY._**

_**Let me start with a ginormous apology for how long it's taken me to update. I've started back to school and things are crazy.**_

**_SO. I really really really hope that you guys don't hate me for this chapter._**

**_Sometimes, I just wanna shove Spencer and Kya together and say "NOW KISS."_**

**_But where's the fun in that?_**

**_ANYWAYS. Please leave a review. They're like crack to me, so. Yeah._**

**_xXx_**


	18. Adjustments

Spencer sighed. Apparently, Lila had gotten the wrong idea about him. Apparently, she thought that he had asked her over so that she could throw herself at him on a regular basis. The thought made Spencer nervous. She had been staying with him for a few weeks, and he had managed to worm his way out of the uncomfortable situations he had been so precariously placed into, but his sheer will could only do so much to thwart her attempts to sleep with him. Even worse, he hadn't seen Kya since the night he had told her Lila was coming over.

He slipped the key into the lock on his door and turned it. When he entered his apartment, Lila didn't look up from the television. He groaned internally. She was mad at him, and she had every right to be. For weeks, she had put herself out there, and for weeks, he had ignored her advances. Why? He wished he knew the answer to the question himself. He sat next to her on the couch.

"How was your day?" He asked meekly.

"Fine." Lila's voice was soft. "I went to the mall. Bought some new shoes." She held her feet up so he could see the black pinstriped stiletto heels.

Spencer couldn't hold back his smile. They were nice shoes, but she was wearing them with flannel pajama pants and a T-Shirt.

"They look nice with your polka dotted sleep pants." He remarked, and she frowned, then smiled lightly.

"Spencer I'm going to be honest with you…" She chewed her lip, and Spencer closed his eyes, knowing what she was about to say. "I don't know why you asked me to come here."

He didn't either. But could he tell her that without offending her? Would it really be so bad? To just let go of his inhibitions, of his expectations, and try to be happy with Lila? Honestly, what was the point in rejecting her when he knew that he could never have Kya? He looked at her again. Her blonde hair spilled onto her shoulders, her green eyes were looking at him intently. She was beautiful, in every sense of the word. The physical equivalent to Grace Kelley. Spencer knew that he had been terribly unfair to her in all of this. The only thing she wanted was to feel like she was worth something to him. Spencer bit down on his lip and put his hand on Lila's cheek. A brief look of hope flashed in her eyes, and it was replaced by a small amount of shock when Spencer brought his lips to hers.

He instantly felt sick. His stomach rolled, but he didn't pull away from her. He knew that he could kiss Lila for hours, and it would never be able to compete with the few minutes he had kissed Kya. Spencer closed his eyes when she wound her arms around his neck. He wanted to make Kya disappear from his thoughts. He wanted to be able to be happy. He pulled her closer to him, fighting back the nausea that swept over him. It would pass. He felt Lila's fingers tangle into his hair, and he screwed his eyes tighter shut. He had to stop. He needed air, and he needed to get away from her.

As if a sign from the gods, his phone rang. Lila groaned when he broke away from the kiss. He mumbled a light apology before standing and moving away from her to find his phone. He answered it quickly, gratefully.

"Reid." He was out of breath, and his stomach hurt.

"I… I needed to call you and let you know that we have a case," Penelope's voice was urgent. "But on a completely different note, a note that is completely off the books, you need to get to my office ASAP, Boy Wonder."

Spencer felt cold. It was as if he had been submerged in ice.

_A note that is completely off the books._

Liam. She had found something on Liam. He glanced to Lila, but nodded quickly. "I'm on my way, Garcia. Thanks."

Lila's face sank in disappointment. She approached him, winding her arms around his waist. He returned the embrace, but pulled away quickly. There was a vague smile on her face.

"Go." She whispered. "I'll be here when you get back." She took his hand in hers and pressed her lips to his palm.

Spencer felt blood rushing into his face. He nodded and stepped away from her. He knew that he should have kissed her goodbye or something. But he couldn't. Garcia had found something on Liam. How could he focus on Lila while he knew that he was one step closer to making Kya safe?

He drove faster than he should have. Usually, it would take him at least ten minutes to get to the office from his apartment. It took him four. He rushed immediately into Garcia's office.

"I'm not exactly sure if my immensity of technical genius could expunge a traffic violation, Baby Genius." She gave him a knowing look. "Maybe we shouldn't break the law so often, seeing as how you're supposed to uphold it or something like that."

"Garcia, please…" There was a pooling of anxiety in his stomach. "What did you find?"

"I got a hit on one of Adams's aliases." She nodded as she spoke, pulling up a window on screen that had Liam's picture on it and a few other words. Spencer bristled at the sight of the man. "Avery McAllister used his credit card at a hotel in Orange Beach not even two hours ago."

"Orange Beach?" Spencer sighed, relief washing over him. Liam was in Alabama.

"I hacked into hotel security, and this is what I got." She pulled up the surveillance image, and Spencer seethed. Liam was walking through the hotel lobby, with a woman on each arm. He gritted his teeth. He honestly couldn't see what any woman could see in him. He was trash, unworthy of anyone to even allow him to breathe.

"I already alerted the Orange Beach PD." She looked up to Spencer, who nodded quickly. "They are en route to the hotel as we speak."

"When they catch him…" His voice was acidic. "I want him flown here. I want to talk to him."

"Reid, I'm not sure that's a…" She was silenced by the dangerous look on his face as his eyes stayed glue to the screen.

"Reid?" Morgan stuck his head into the office, and Penelope quickly made the images on the screen in front of them disappear. Spencer turned, and Morgan took an automatic step backward. "Reid are you ok?"

Spencer closed his eyes, collecting himself. "I'm fine." She sighed.

"You sure, kid?" Derek was relieved when Spencer's eyes re-opened and the murderous look on his face had dissipated. Still, he was curious as to what could have put it there in the first place.

"I'm fine, Derek." He tried his best not to spit the words at him. "We have a case? Where?"

"Jacksonville." Morgan nodded, concerned when Spencer's head jerked up.

"Alabama?" Spencer's anger was back, coursing through him. If the team was going to Alabama, he might have to take a personal day for a slight detour.

"Florida." Morgan amended. "Are you sure you're ok, Reid?"

Spencer mentally kicked himself. Florida. He needed to get a hold on his emotions. He couldn't let his thirst for Liam's capture prevent him from doing what was expected of him. He had a job to do. He had people's lives in his hands. He couldn't afford to get distracted.

"I'm ok." His voice was more even than he had expected it to be. "What have we got?"

"Torture video." Morgan spoke slowly, as if afraid to set him off. "Sent to the family of the victim."

"We have the video here?" Spencer asked, and when Morgan nodded, he continued. "I'll be out in a second, ok?"

Morgan gave Garcia a puzzled look. The woman shrugged nonchalantly, and he left the room.

"Stand up, Penelope." Spencer closed the door.

Garcia stood automatically, an expression of deep confusion crossing her face. Spencer pulled her into his arms, hugging her tightly. Penelope felt a smile spread across her lips, returning the embrace.

"Thank you." His voice was soft, and Garcia thought he might be crying. "Just knowing that this could be over for her soon…" He sighed. "Just… thank you." Spencer pulled away from her. "I should go."

Penelope nodded. "Be careful out there, Obi Wan."

Spencer smiled and nodded, leaving the office.

_**-Skippy skip skip-**_

Kya closed her eyes, but all attempts at sleep had evaded her. She glanced at her clock. It was 3 pm, but she was exhausted. She needed to make coffee. She needed Spencer. She got out of bed, knowing that he would probably be disappointed in her for a lot of reasons. For one, she hadn't been over to meet Lila, consequently meaning that she wasn't keeping the movie star company when Spencer was away. Secondly, she had slept maybe a total of twelve hours in the past week and a half. And she had destroyed three different coffee pots. Apparently, 57 pots a day was too many for the average coffee maker. She dressed relatively quickly, deciding that going across the hall to introduce herself would be a good enough reason to get out of the house. She slipped her wig on, only because she knew that Lila would be there. The thought made her stomach roll. Lila. With her hands on Spencer. Kya closed her eyes and shook the images from her mind. She left both of her dogs in the living room, moving across the hall quickly. She tapped on the door. After a few moments, she heard shuffling on the other side of the door, and it swung open.

Lila was standing in front of her, clad only in a pair of boy-short panties and one of Spencer's pinstriped shirts. Kya felt the color leaving her face, and she moved her eyes to the floor.

"Can I help you?" Lila smiled, and that was all Kya needed to collect herself. She looked up at the blonde woman and extended her hand. Lila took it, shaking it gently.

"You must be Lila. I'm Kya. I live across the hall." She pointed at her closed door. "I've been meaning to come over and introduce myself, but I've been so busy." She lied smoothly. She was never busy. She couldn't even leave her house comfortably.

"It's nice to meet you." Lila grinned. It was so nice to have someone to talk to other than Spencer.

""Is he home?" Kya glanced around her.

"No. He left a few days ago for a case in Florida." She shrugged.

"And you're here all by yourself?" Kya hoped the look she gave made her seem disappointed.

Lila nodded. "I've been going crazy here." She confessed. "I don't really know anyone here… And I've bought pretty much everything at the mall."

"Do you wanna come over?" Kya could hardly believe the words were leaving her mouth. "I mean… It probably won't be as fun as the mall, but I have movies, and coffee."

"That would be amazing." Lila spoke quickly. "Let me just… Put some clothes on." She hurried back into the guest bedroom and Kya exhaled. If her things weren't in Spencer's room, that slightly hinted that they weren't sleeping together right? But how could she overlook what little Lila had been wearing? It was obvious that she missed Spencer, but wasn't it possible to have a relationship without being physical? Her stomach flopped back over when the word 'relationship' crossed her mind. About that time, Lila stepped out of the bedroom, wearing a pair of designer jeans and a pink tank top. Kya couldn't help but notice how much prettier Lila was than her. It was blatantly obvious.

She lead the girl across the hall and into her apartment. Lila sneezed automatically, and looked at Kya.

"You have dogs?" Her voice was quiet.

"Allergic?" Kya asked apologetically.

"Could we maybe take the movies back over to Spence's?" Lila sneezed again.

"Yeah. No problem." She picked up a stack of videos and followed Lila back across the hall.

They watched _Lady and the Tramp_, and then _National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation._ They gorged themselves on popcorn and Dr. Pepper, joking and cutting up. As much as Kya hated to admit it, she liked Lila. A lot. It was good to have someone to joke around with and not feel so emotionally connected to them. She could make jokes with Lila that Spencer would take offensive. Or over-analyze. After _Christmas Vacation_, Lila stood, stretching.

"I think there's half of a pecan pie in the refrigerator." She offered, and Kya smiled. Yes. Yes, she really liked Lila. It was going to be terribly hard for her to not become very close with her.

"That sounds wonderful." Kya nodded, pointing down the hallway. "I'm gonna run to the bathroom right quick. What movie is next?"

"I was thinking _The Notebook_?" Lila asked, rummaging around in the fridge.

Kya had to bite her tongue to keep her protests silent. After a moment, she nodded. "Awesome. You can go ahead and start it. I'll be out in a sec." She turned to make her way down the hallway. She heard the clicking of silverware and the shuffling of movie cases. How ironic that the last time she had watched this movie, Spencer had watched it with her. And now she was watching it with his girlfriend.

Spencer opened his door and Lila squealed, throwing herself into his arms.

"God, I missed you." She whispered, and he couldn't help the smile that tilted his lips up. Things had gone… Less than smoothly on this case. Not to mention the fact that Liam had somehow managed to impede local law enforcement in Alabama. He just wanted to curl up and have someone hold him. And, even if the person holding him wasn't who he wanted per se, it was still nice to feel like he was needed. He closed his eyes when her lips brushed across his throat. A sound from the television made him refocus. _The Notebook_ was playing. His mind skated back. What was it the woman had said in that movie?

"_A woman knows when a man looks into her eyes and sees someone else."_

He sighed, immediately feeling guilty. When he felt Lila's lips caressing his collarbone, he wasn't feeling her lips. He was feeling Kya's. When Lila pressed her lips against his, when he took her into his arms and kissed her back, he was mentally kissing Kya. When Spencer moved his lips down her neck, nibbling gently on the skin at her pulse point, he heard Kya's gasp instead of Lila's. Wait. Spencer pulled away from the blonde. He had _heard_ Kya gasp. He turned to look in the direction of the hallway, where Kya was standing, her eyes on the ground.

"K… Kya?" He stammered. "What are you doing here?"

"Lila and I were watching movies." Kya kept her gaze on the off-white carpet as if it was suddenly very interesting. "Girl time." She raised her hand in mock celebration.

"Sorry." Lila shrugged. Pulling away from him. "Can girl time be rescheduled to a later date?" She giggled, moving back up against Spencer. She kissed a trail down his throat again, but Spencer was moving her away from him, his gaze only on Kya. Lila crossed her arms, pouting a little.

Kya merely nodded, moving across the room. "I'll just leave my movies here." She stated quickly before hurrying out the door. Once she was safe inside the shelter of her own living room, she braced herself against the door to keep from collapsing. No. No, no, no. She shook her head defiantly. She had seen it with her own eyes, but she didn't want to let herself believe that Spencer could actually want anyone but her. The look in his eyes when they raked over Lila's body… Kya felt her shoulders shake as she sobbed. It was really over. He didn't want her anymore.

_**-Meanwhile, in a special place called Spencer's Hell...-**_

Lila was looking at Spencer harshly.

"I…" He shook his head, trying to draw her close to him. She pushed him away.

"It all makes sense now." She spoke accusingly.

"What do you mean?" He asked incredulously. He knew what she meant. He knew, but he wanted to think that she was less perceptive than the average human. He wanted to think that she would overlook what had just happened. "Lila, I-"

"Spencer." She cut him off. "You love her." The words almost made him double over. They hurt, both physically and emotionally. "Why did you ask me to come? To make her jealous?"

"No." He shook his head. There was no point in denying the obvious. "I just want to be happy, Lila. And Kya… She doesn't want me. And with you… With you I have a chance to be happy." It was so hard to explain it.

"Spencer…" Lila stepped closer to him, putting her hand on his cheek. "We don't have to jump into this. You should have just told me." She shook her head. "God, I feel like such an idiot now…"

Spencer looked down at the floor. "I'm sorry."

"Listen, Spence." Lila pressed her lips to his cheek. "We'll take this slowly. There's no need to rush things. You need time to… Adjust."

Spencer smiled gratefully. She understood. She understood and she wasn't offended. She wanted to help him. She wanted to love him. When Lila wrapped her arms around him, holding him, soothing him, he knew that this kind of patience, this kind of affection, was exactly what he needed. And, for the first moment since her arrival, Spencer didn't regret having Lila here.

Ahh. You guys. I hate this chapter. So much. I don't even want to comment on it anymore, so.

Just ghvbjbkjnasd

Please feel free to leave a review and express your mutual hate of it.

xXx


	19. RazorBlades

Kya groaned at the knock on the door. She couldn't believe this was happening. She could hardly believe what she was seeing this morning when Spencer was at her door. She could hardly believe what she was hearing when he asked her to do him a favor. Then, when he explained, she could hardly believe that he would ask her to do something like that. Now, as she made her way to her door, she mentally kicked herself. Why had she agreed to this? It was, no doubt, a good thing, something that she knew she should do, but it put someone else's life at risk. It meant she would have to relive those horrible memories again. She opened her door.

The woman that was looking at her was dark headed and she looked terrified.

"Agent Greenaway?" Kya smiled lightly.

"You can call me Elle." The woman stepped inside the apartment. "Reid told me… About you…" She watched as Kya locked the many deadbolts on her door. "He said you could help me?"

"I'm not really sure what he expected me to tell you, Elle…" Kya shook her head, watching as the woman sat on the couch. "How to cope, maybe?"

"You're not coping." Agent Greenaway stated quickly. "You're terrified."

"You can tell that from thirty seconds with me?" Kya put her hands on her hips. This woman was right, but it wasn't her place to speak to her as if she knew her.

"I was an expert in sex crimes, Ms. Valde." Elle looked her over. "You are still affected by a stranger's presence in your house, even though I am obviously no threat. I understand the locks, the security, but you being so uneasy around me, trying to put yourself as far away from me as you can, it tells me that you are still haunted. You aren't coping."

"I hate profilers." Kya crossed her arms over her chest.

Elle smiled lightly. "I do, too." She glanced up suddenly. "Do you have nightmares?"

"Every night." Kya answered without thinking. There was no point in denying it. Elle knew her deepest, darkest secret.

"About… about him? Or them?" She avoided Kya's gaze when she asked the question.

"Both. Mostly them, though. I relive that last night with them over and over…" Kya shuddered. "But he does make an appearance sometimes. I used to see him… Hurting them… But now, whenever he's there, he's usually hurting the people in my life now. Spencer…" She shook her head. That was it. There was no one else in her life that Liam could hurt. Just Spencer. That's all it ever would be. No one else meant anything to her. And now? Spencer wasn't even a part of her life.

"There's no way to make them stop?" Elle's voice was hopeful.

"If there is, I haven't found it yet." Kya kept her eyes on her hands.

"Well… This was inspiring." The woman stood, and Kya sighed. "I know what I have to do."

"You aren't going to do anything stupid, are you?" Kya looked up at her.

"I need to go visit my father's grave." Elle stated simply. "Hotch has been following me around all day. I think I managed to lose him before I came here. But, either way, you should expect a knock on your door. Just… Just tell him that I came to ask your advice for nightmares."

Kya nodded. "I hope you figure things out." She spoke sincerely and pulled the agent into a brief hug.

"I do, too." She sighed lightly. "But I know what needs to happen. It all just depends on whether or not I have the courage to step up and do what's right." She gave Kya a meaningful glance. "Thank you… As little as you think you did, it means more to me than you probably realize that you took the time to talk to me."

Kya nodded. "Anytime." She whispered, unfastening the deadbolts. "I mean that."

**_Interlude_**

Spencer was furious. How could this happen? How could she..? He growled as he stepped off the elevator. He knew that it was late, or early. Whatever. He didn't care about being correct right now. He glanced at his watch. 4:13 am. He pounded his fist on Kya's door.

Kya sat up from where she was laying on the couch. She paused her movie and looked at the door as another round of forceful knocks came through.

"Who is it?" Her voice shook.

"Who else would it be?" His voice was angry, and Kya flinched, opening the door hurriedly.

"Spencer, what's…" Her voice trailed off as he stepped around her into the apartment. He slammed the door behind him and she recoiled.

"What did you do?" His voice was low, and Kya would have preferred it if he had been screaming.

"What are you talking about, Spencer?" Her voice cracked, and she thought she might cry. But she couldn't. No. She couldn't allow him to come into her house at 4 am and speak to her like she was trash. She didn't do anything wrong.

"Elle quit." He spat the words. "She quit her job, she quit the team. What the hell did you say to her?"

"What was I supposed to say, Spencer? That in a few weeks, her world would turn back into rainbows and kittens?" Her voice was louder than she wanted it to be, but she couldn't help it. He had no right to do this to her. All she did was tell that poor woman the truth.

"I don't know, Kya." He shook his head. "I don't know why I could have expected you to do anything but suck the life right out of her!" He raised his voice at the last few words, causing her to cringe away from him. His words were cutting through her like razorblades. "That's what you did to me, so why would I have expected you to be any different for Elle?"

"I sucked the life out of you?" Kya almost laughed. "Last I checked, you were too busy having your face sucked off to be concerned with me." She didn't scream, but her tone was low, angry.

"Yeah. That's right. Poor Lila. I feel so bad for her because I can't love her!" He screamed the words at her. "I can't, and do you wanna know why? Because I am still to busy trying to gather up the pieces of me that you scattered all of the place! She's worth so much, but I will never be able to love her the way she deserves. Because you broke me, Kya." He lowered his voice. The words were acid dripping off of his lips. He saw how she flinched at every syllable, how she gradually plummeted into a pit of despair at his words, but he didn't care. She deserved this. She deserved to feel the overwhelming guilt. As if it hadn't been enough for her to rip his heart out, she had to tear his family apart. Spencer turned on his heel and left the apartment, not wanting to see the impending breakdown she was no doubt about to have.

When he opened his door, Lila's arms were immediately around him, comforting him. He clenched his fists into her hair and he kissed her until he was dizzy. When she finally pulled away from him, gasping for breath, he sighed, drawing her close to him. He just needed to hold her. He needed to feel that she was there for him, no matter what. And Lila always gave him what he needed without ever asking for more.

**_nooooo. no fight. ;_;_**

Spencer looked down at his hands. He had scrubbed them. For hours, he had scrubbed them He couldn't get the feel of Nathan Harris's blood off of them. They hurt. The hurt so badly, but he could still feel the boy's life rushing into his hands. He closed his eyes as he stepped off of the elevator. Kya was fumbling with her key when her eyes met his. She looked away quickly, a strangled gasp escaping her before she could stop it. Spencer moved to fish into his pocket for his key, but he flinched when the raw skin made contact with the material of his pants. He cursed, and Kya looked up at him, seeing his hands. She stilled as Spencer knocked on the door.

"She's not there." She spoke softly, keeping her eyes on her own door. She locked the last of her deadbolts and sighed. "She left about thirty minutes ago. Probably to the mall."

Spencer gritted his teeth and shoved his hand into his pocket. He hissed when he made a fist around the keys. He dropped them on the ground, opening his hand and looking at it. When Lila got home, he would have to ask her to wrap them in bandages. He felt Kya's presence beside him, and he stiffened. He stepped away, watching as she knelt to pick his keys up. She shuffled through them, picking the right one and unlocking the door. She turned the knob and stepped inside, putting the keys on the table just inside the door. She then stepped back into the hallway.

"What happened to your hands?" She asked, keeping her eyes on the floor.

Spencer didn't answer her. He wanted to get inside, to run from this awkwardness that had so blatantly placed itself between them.

"Will you let me wrap them?" She asked. "And then, I'll leave. And we'll pretend like this didn't happen. But they could get infected…" Her voice trailed off.

Spencer nodded, stepping inside. "There's a first aid kit in the bathroom."

Kya made her way to the restroom, looking underneath the sink. She found what she needed: Antibiotic, peroxide, and bandages. She grabbed a rag and walked back into the living room. He was sitting on the couch. He had kicked his shoes off and was fumbling with his tie. She wanted to help him, to remove his tie and hold him. She wanted to know how he had hurt himself. But she sat next to him in silence. She doused the rag with peroxide and gingerly took his right hand in her own. He winced when the rag made contact with his skin, cursing under his breath. Once she had covered his hand with the peroxide, she dried it off gently and rubbed it with the antibiotic. Spencer closed his eyes, trying to ignore how amazing the antibiotic felt as she massaged his hand. She wrapped his hand in the bandages and repeated the same system with the left hand. When she had finished, she stood.

"Tell Lila that they need to be changed at least once every six hours." She stated softly, and Spencer nodded.

He watched as she walked wordlessly out the door. He wished he could have come up with words to thank her. To apologize. He wanted to fix things. He wanted to be able to be her friend. He sat still for a few moments before the door opened again. Lila entered, carrying an arm full of bags.

"A little help?" She smiled, but Spencer held up his bandaged hands. Lila dropped her bags, going to him immediately. "What happened?" She took one of his hands into her own, cradling it gently.

"I couldn't get the blood off of my hands…" He spoke slowly, his eyes not meeting hers. "I washed them. A lot. And now, they hurt." It wasn't the most intellectual statement he had ever given, but he knew that Lila would understand. She sat next to him on the couch and wrapped her arms around him. He cuddled close to her, inhaling her scent. Vanilla and orange. It wasn't nearly as intoxicating as the smell of cherry blossoms that radiated off of Kya, but it was a scent that he had gotten accustomed to. Spencer liked to think that, maybe, he would be able to fall in love with Lila. She certainly deserved it. Spencer felt her lips brush across his throat, and he leaned his head back lightly.

"I'm here, Spencer…" She whispered. "Don't hurt yourself again. You make me hurt." She kissed along his throat and he nodded. "Promise me?"

He pushed her away lightly to look into her eyes. What he saw there was a mixture of worry and urgency. He kissed her lips, silently sealing the promise. Lila sighed softly, leaning into him. He moved to hold her face in his hands, but he winced, pulling away when the awkward motion caused pain to shoot through his fingers. Lila looked up at him with concern written on her features.

"The bandages need to be changed at least every six hours." He spoke softly when she ran her fingertip gently along the length of his hand.

"I don't know how…" She looked up at him again with an apologetic expression.

Spencer nodded briefly. He had admired how Kya just came into his house and cared for him. She had known exactly what to do. Then again, she had gone to medical school. Lila didn't know how to take care of him like Kya did. He let the thought escape his mind. He shouldn't think things like that.

"I'll teach you." Spencer smiled lightly ay Lila, and she laid her head on his shoulder.

"I love you, Spencer…" She whispered.

_**D: LILA. Stop being all hgvhjvbn.**_

"Kya, I…" He had a hand on both of her shoulders. "I'm in love with you."

Her face was frozen. Her entire body was frozen. He watched an array of emotions pass through her eyes before she summed up the will to speak. "I love you, too Spencer… I…" She leaned towards him, standing on her tiptoes to press her lips against his…

Spencer groaned as he drifted back into consciousness. His head was throbbing and he was strapped down to a chair. All he could see was a single light bulb in front of him, and he had to blink a few times for his head to clear of the fog that had settled there. Something smelled horrible. His eyes met those of Tobias Hankel, and he felt a feeling of complete hopelessness overcome him.

"They're gone." Tobias stated, leaning over him.

"Who are 'they'?" Spencer eventually found his voice.

"It's just me now." Tobias answered, and Spencer understood. A moment before he was knocked unconscious, he realized that Tobias Hankel had dissociative identity disorder. Multiple personalities.

"Who are you?" He kept his gaze away from the man. The pain in his head was beyond explanation.

"I'm Raphael." He stated simply.

Spencer swallowed, knowing that he had to keep the unsub talking. "What's that smell?"

"They're burning fish hearts and livers. Keeps away the devil." Tobias's voice was steely. "They believe you can see inside men's minds."

Spencer shook his head. The motion hurt, but he needed to get his point across or he was going to die. "That's not true. I… Study human behavior." He noticed something small and black in the man's hand.

Tobias made a hushing noise, and Spencer quickly shut his mouth. Panic flooded through him when he recognized the object the man was holding. A revolver.

"I'm not interested in the arguments of men." Tobias stated, holding up a single bullet for Spencer to see. "Do you know what this is?" When the agent didn't answer, Tobias continued. "It's God's will." He loaded the bullet into the gun and gave the chamber a quick spin before closing it. He then held the gun up to Spencer's forehead.

"You don't have to do this…" Spencer could feel tears forming in his eyes as he stared into Tobias's eyes. He was begging for his life. How would his mom go on if she found out that he had been killed? What about Kya? He had never gotten the chance to apologize for the things he had said to her. He had never gotten to tell her that he was in love with her. He closed his eyes.

"I'm just an instrument of God." Tobias answered, pressing down on the trigger.

The gun didn't fire. Spencer held his breath, waiting for the man to pull the trigger again. Instead, Tobias lowered the gun.

"Safe." He whispered the word. "For now."

With that, the man left the room, leaving Spencer alone in the darkness.

_**OKAY. I'm sorry, but Kya taking care of Spencer is probably one of my favorite parts of this story so far. ghvhjbm. I honestly love each and every one of my readers. You guys are amazing. Okay. SO. Here. The 18th chapter. :D**_

_**I hope you like it. OH.**_

_**TOBIAS. PLEASE DON'T TRY TO KILL SPENCER IN THE NEXT CHAPTER, KAY?**_

_**...I hope he listens. -Fingers crossed-**_

_**Leave me a review. :D**_


	20. Revelatory Moments

He wasn't sure how much time had passed when Tobias kicked the door open again. He knew that the sun had had time to come up, which meant what exactly? Hours? Spencer flinched away from the man when he entered the room.

"What are you staring at, boy?" His voice was lower than Spencer remembered.

Spencer didn't answer. Instead, he watched as Tobias laid a pile of wood in a nearby bin.

"You're not Raphael." Spencer finally spoke.

"Do I look like Raphael?" The man's voice was dangerous, and Spencer felt fear pooling inside his stomach again. Spencer watched as the man held up a stick to the fiery embers.

"Thank you for burning those." He knew that his best bet was to get inside the man's mind. The thought terrified him, but his survival was more important than any fears he was holding onto. Tobias's eyes met Spencer's, which made him continued. "You're keeping us safe."

"Don't try to trick me." His words made Spencer's stomach drop into his feet.

"I would never try to trick you." He tried to keep his voice even.

"You're a liar." Tobias's voice was laced with anger as he moved closer to Spencer.

"I'm… I'm not a liar." Spencer protested.

"Lying's a sin." Tobias affirmed, moving across the room.

"But… I'm not a liar." There was panic clearly in his voice as he attempted to talk the man down.

Tobias sat in front of Spencer, lifting the agent's foot from the ground to sit it in his lap.

"This will be over quickly if you just confess your sins." Tobias warned.

Spencer shook his head. "I'm not a sinner." The words came out pleadingly.

Tobias growled, stripping Spencer's foot of it's shoe and sock.

"We're all sinners." He stated, bending over to pick up the piece of wood he had carried over with him.

Spencer panicked, doing what he always did when he was uneasy.

"And the Lord spake unto Moses, saying, "Speak unto all the congregation of the children of the Lord, and say unto them, 'Ye shall be holy, for I, the Lord, your God, am holy.'" Spencer watched as the man seemingly calmed, and a small spark of hope rose within him.

"You know Leviticus?" Tobias looked shocked.

"I know every word of the bible." Spencer explained. "I can recite it for you."

"The devil knows how to read, too." Tobias narrowed his eyes, and Spencer felt that spark of hope inside him flicker out.

"I'm not a devil." He pleaded. "I'm not a devil. I'm a man. My name is Spencer Reid, and I have a mother, and I have a father just like you. And they taught me the bible." Tobias held up the piece of wood. "Let me just… Let me recite the bible…" Spencer begged.

"Time to confess, Spencer Reid." Tobias stood, readying himself. He brought the wood forward with every ounce of strength he had, making contact with the bottom of Spencer's foot.

Spencer flinched, yelping out as pain flooded through him. He felt tears running down his cheeks.

"Confess." Tobias ordered.

Spencer considered it. He considered giving up, but he knew that he couldn't.

"I don't have anything to confess." He wasn't sure how he managed to say the words.

Tobias hit him again. Over and over. Spencer had never known pain like this. He screamed every time the paddle made contact with his foot. After thirty or so minutes, Tobias stepped out of the room again. Leaving a sobbing Spencer behind him.

_**I'm crying. Ahhh.**_

It was night before Spencer heard the unwelcome creaking of the door opening. He looked up, terrified as the man brought in the bloody carcass of what used to be a pig. He looked Spencer over. "You need to eat."

Spencer noticed the change in his tone. "What's your name?" He whispered.

"Tobias." The man's voice was soft.

"Tobias." Spencer nodded, somewhat relieved to have a seemingly friendly personality here now. "Who was here before?"

"It was probably my father." Tobias looked away from Spencer, ashamed. His gaze landed on the agent's bare foot. Spencer bristled involuntarily. "I'm sorry if he hurt you." Tobias was sincere. He pondered something silently for a moment, then moved closer to Spencer, removing his belt.

"What are you doing?" Spencer was alarmed when the man knelt beside him, making a tourniquet around his arm with the leather strap. He was going to drug him. "Please don't…"

Tobias's eyes met Spencer's. "It helps." Spencer struggled against him, against the bindings that held him down. Tobias pulled out a syringe and needle, and a vial of narcotics. "Please don't tell my father. He doesn't know they're here."

"Please, I…" Spencer begged. "I don't want it, I don't want it… Please…"

Tobias grabbed his had, stilling him. "Trust me."

"Please don't…" Spencer whimpered as the needle sunk into his vein. Tobias pressed down on the plunger, and suddenly, Spencer didn't feel the pain anymore. His head wasn't throbbing, his foot wasn't aching. Memories flashed behind his eyelids, and Spencer was gone.

_**Sorry these scenes aren't very detailed. I'm pretty sure everyone's seen the episode. No need to just rewrite everything.**_

He was aching all over again. He could barely pick up the shovel that Tobias had given him.

"I ought to bury you alive in there." Tobias spat. "Give you time to think about what you've done."

Spencer picked up another shovelful of dirt and heaved it aside. "I know what I've done." He whimpered. This was it. He was going to die, and he didn't care.

"Don't talk back to me." Tobias ordered. "Dig faster!"

Spencer dug the shovel back into the ground, leaning on it for support. "I'm not strong enough." He finally admitted. And it was the truth. He could barely support himself on the tool, the effects of the dilaudid wearing off.

"Weak!" Tobias growled, looking down into the hole he was in. "Get out of there."

Spencer's eyes caught something in the distance. The faintest glow of a flashlight sweeping across the cemetery. Maybe he wasn't going to die. Maybe he'd be able to see Kya again. Maybe, he'd be able to tell her everything he'd been wanting to say. He grabbed the revolver from Tobias's coat pocket, aiming it at him. Tobias countered the move by raising his knife at Spencer.

"Only one bullet in that gun, boy."

Spencer pulled the trigger, the gun going off in his hand. Somehow, he managed to crawl to Tobias's bleeding body. He heard his teammates call his name, but it didn't matter. Tobias was looking up at him with hopeful eyes.

"You killed him." He whispered.

"Tobias…" Spencer's face crumpled with pain.

"Do you think I'll get to see my mom again?" Tobias asked.

"I'm sorry." Spencer could feel tears running down his cheeks as he looked up. His team was making their way toward him.

"Reid?" Hotch knelt beside him, pulling him to his feet. "Are you alright?"

"I knew you'd understand." Spencer's voice was broken as he embraced his boss.

JJ and Gideon moved to stand on either side of him.

"Let's get you out of here." Jason's voice was grateful.

"Can I…?" Spencer stopped walking and pulled away from Gideon. "Can I have a second alone?"

The older man nodded. He trusted Reid, and that made Spencer feel all the more guilty as he knelt next to Tobias. He looked at the dead man for a moment, knowing that the memories of this would haunt him forever. It wasn't as severe as what had happened to Kya, but the memories would torture him until he died. He reached into Tobias's pocket and made a fist around the two vials of dilaudid there. He stood, shoving the drugs into his own pocket before making his way back to the team.

_**And... Cue woeful romantic.**_

Kya's phone rang. She growled in the direction of the answering machine. She was on the couch reading a copy of the book she had given Spencer for his birthday. Nothing like depressing poems to make one's day. The sun was shining outside.

"This is Kya. Sorry I missed you! Leave your name and number, and I'll get right back to you ASAP! Have a great day!"

"Kya… It's Penelope…" The woman's voice was soft, shaken. Kya felt herself freeze. "Look, I know that things are… Strained at best between you and Reid right now, but…" The woman sighed and Kya moved closer to the phone, deliberating on whether or not to pick up. "I've been trying Lila's cell, but she won't answer. There's… There's been an accident… And…" "Penelope, what happened?" Kya felt her insides turn to stone.

"Reid was… he was kidnapped and… I mean, we found him… He's ok, but…" Kya could tell that the woman was in tears.

"Where is he?" The words came out strangled.

"He's here… At the BAU. He's refusing to go to the hospital." Penelope's words made Kya furious.

"I'm on my way." She felt angry tears streaming down her cheeks. Spencer was hurt? He had been kidnapped? And he was refusing treatment? And where the hell was Lila? Wasn't this supposed to be her responsibility?

Kya's chest ached when the last question clouded her mind. No. As much as Lila meant to Spencer, and as much as he meant to Lila, Kya was glad that Penelope hadn't been able to get in contact with the other woman. If Spencer had been hurt and Kya hadn't known… She shuddered, slipping on her wig and grabbing Armani's leash.

It seemed to take hours to get to the FBI office, but Kya knew that it had only taken minutes. She walked in the door and the blonde from before (JJ?) approached her.

"Garcia's sister, right?" There was a small smile on her face. Kya could see Spencer through the window of the conference room. Agent Morgan was holding a cloth to his head. She walked right past JJ, ignoring the blonde's protests. The moment she entered the discussion room, Spencer's eyes found hers.

He felt the air vacating his lungs.

"Kya?" He shook his head. "What are you…?"

"I'm taking you home." Her voice was shaken. "After a visit to the hospital." She moved closer to him, and he felt his heart quicken. Hadn't he told Garcia to call Lila?

Kya looked him over, ignoring his denial of needing a hospital trip. She all but pushed away the agent that was holding the cloth to Spencer's head. Derek stepped quickly out of the way as she took the washcloth from him. It was stained with blood. She looked at the gash on his head.

"It doesn't need stitches, but it needs to be cleaned thoroughly with something other than this filthy rag." She set the cloth on the counter and crossed her arms over her chest. "Where else are you injured?"

"Um… Excuse me… Who are you?"

The man's voice caused Kya to face him icily. "I'm a person who is terribly upset that Spencer was put into a position that allowed him to get kidnapped." She snapped the words off. "What the hell happened? Aren't you people supposed to have back up?" Kya noticed JJ's head sag. She narrowed her eyes at the blonde, but she didn't say a word as she turned her gaze expectantly to the man who had addressed her. He was dark headed and he wore a crisp suit. He also looked as if he had never smiled in his life.

"Kya…" She felt Spencer's hand on her shoulder. "This is SSA Aaron Hotchner." He spoke the words softly. "My boss." He hinted, trying to get her to shut up. He had never seen her so angry, and while he didn't understand her rage, he didn't want to lose his job. "Hotch, this is my neighbor."

"And Garcia's sister." Derek spoke up and a surprised look crossed Aaron's face. "I'm guessing she called her up to make sure Reid made it home okay."

"Also guessing that she didn't expect Kya to be on the warpath." A brunette that Kya had never seen before spoke up from the corner.

Spencer moved to stand up. His foot was throbbing, but he would have to have her look at that later. He wasn't going to the hospital. Hospitals meant blood tests, and blood tests meant… He stopped his train of thought.

"I think my ankle may be twisted. All of my injuries are minor. I just want to get some sleep." Spencer tried to take a step without wincing. The vials of dilaudid felt heavy in his pocket, as if everyone's eyes had zeroed in on them, but he knew that he was being paranoid, and that no one knew of his theft.

"Fine." Kya's voice was still angered. "Let's get you home."

She watched as Derek wrapped his arm around Spencer's shoulders, helping him walk. She followed the two outside and opened the passenger side door of her van. Armani gave Derek's hand a timid sniff before slipping into the backseat. Once Spencer was settled, and the door was shut, Kya turned to the other agent.

"How bad is it? I mean, traumatically?" She spoke the words softly as she moved them both to the front of the van.

"He wouldn't tell us everything that happened." Derek ran a hand over his head. "I wish I knew what to tell you. I've had my share of traumatic experiences, but nothing like this. Reid… He's not as strong as the rest of us. I don't know how to help him with this, because I've never experienced that kind of torture."

"Anything I should be looking for specifically?" She kept her gaze from his.

"Well, Hankel, the unsub, was a man with dissociative identity disorder." Derek spoke slowly.

"Multiple personalities." Kya shook her head. She had studied DID in her psychology class. "How bad?"

"Well, there was Hankel's original personality. He was timid. A junkie. Dilaudid was his drug of choice." Derek sighed. "And then, there was Hankel's father. A narcissistic maniac who tortured Reid. And then Raphael. The mediator between the two." Derek looked at his shoes. "Another thing." He looked up at Kya, his insistent gaze finally meeting hers. "He died."

"Excuse me?" Kya's brows shot up.

"Hankel beat him until he had a seizure. He was dead until He revived him almost five minutes later." Derek watched the woman's face carefully.

Kya couldn't breathe. Spencer had died. He had stopped breathing, his heart had stopped beating. His life had ended. She looked away from Derek, wiping the tears off of her cheeks. What would life be without Spencer? Kya couldn't breathe again. She loved him. She loved him, and it had taken almost losing him for her to see it.

"Take care of him?" Agent Morgan put a hand on her shoulder, and she nodded before turning away from him. She climbed into her van and felt Spencer's eyes on her.

"I should take you to the hospital." Her words were monotonous, lifeless. She didn't want to betray her the revelatory moment she had had outside with Derek.

"I just want to go home." He didn't take his eyes from her face. "Please just let me get some rest." Kya sighed and nodded at the desperation in his voice.

He knew that his staring was probably making her uncomfortable, but he had thought that he would never see her face again. He watched as she pulled out of the parking lot, as silent tears ran down her cheeks. He didn't speak when the van pulled in front of the apartment complex. He opened his door and she hurried around to help him out. Armani leapt out of the van as well. Kya looped her arm around Spencer's waist, helping him stand. He tried not to put too much of his weight on her. Once they were in the elevator, she pulled away from him, allowing him to stand on his own, allowing her to breathe.

"I have proper medical supplies at my place." She stated, not giving him a chance to answer. "I'll clean you up and then I'll take you home. When Lila gets home, I will tell her what happened, and she can take it from there."

Spencer merely nodded, looping his arm back around her. He could feel fresh blood running down his cheek. She led him to her front door, and while she was preoccupied fishing in her bag for her keys, Spencer froze. Feeling him stiffen, she looked up at him, following his gaze.

Kya gasped. Her door was wide open.

"Get behind me." Spencer whispered, pulling out his gun.

"You can't even walk." Kya managed to find her voice. She got behind him despite her own words, following him as he hobbled slowly to her door. He stuck his gun in first, swiveling to see a man sitting in a chair that had been moved to sit opposite the door.

_**Okay. Forgive me for that ending.**_

_**Sorry it took a little longer than usual to get this posted.**_

_**I'm planning on writing a one-shot to recap what Reid described experiencing with Tobias in the episode "Out of The Light."**_

_**So... Look for it. Maybe not this week... But soon.**_

_**While waiting, LEAVE ME A REVIEW. :D**_

**_XxX_**


	21. Done

Thomas James reflexively drew his gun as well, both men staring each other down. Until Kya put her hand on the barrel of Spencer's revolver, lowering it.

"Marshal." She looked at Thomas. "What's going on?"

"I came by to see how you were doing. Your door was unlocked." The man stood. "This exact thing happened in Chicago, Emmalee. You let your guard down and you lost everything for it." He turned his accusing gaze to Spencer. "You, sir, are not worth me losing this woman. I lost my family, my children, to make sure that she is safe. She's the closest thing to a daughter that I will ever have. I don't know you, but no one would be worth that."

Spencer was taken aback. "I mean no disrespect sir, but-"

"Thomas." Kya cut him off. "I made one mistake. I did. Spencer wasn't even here when I left. He's been through a lot the past few days and I certainly do not appreciate you coming into my house and disrespecting him." She crossed her arms over her chest. "Now, I'm asking you nicely to leave, because I have to dress these cuts." She pointed to Spencer's forehead, which was profusely bleeding now.

"Emmalee, I-"

"Please," Kya shook her head. "That name." She shuddered. "It's been used against me like a weapon ever since I left him. I don't want to hear it again." She steeled her resolve and pointed her finger at the man. "Now, please leave."

Thomas didn't say another word. He stepped around the two and left. Halfway down the hallway, he called back.

"Lock your door."

Kya massaged her temples as Spencer hobbled to sit in the chair that Thomas had vacated. Kya closed and locked the door, turning to face him. She sighed. "Take your shirt off."

"What?" Spencer looked panicked.

"There are tears in your shirt. Your were hit in the abdomen. I need to check for swelling." She spoke quickly, trying to ignore the way his face flushed.

"Oh." Spencer watched as she made her way into the bathroom. When she returned, she had a first aid kit and a medical bag in her hand. She stood over him and inspected his head again.

"I was wrong." She groaned. "Needs stitches."

"Can't you do it?" He knew that a standard medical bag came with supplies to put in stitches.

"Spencer… I don't have anything to numb it." She looked at his face.

"I don't want to go to the hospital." He insisted.

Kya sighed as she started to clean the gash with an alcohol-soaked cotton swab. Spencer flinched, but he sat still.

"Do you want to talk about it?" She whispered.

"No." He answered quickly, and Kya looked away from him. There were tears pooling into her eyes. The look on his face was the look that she so often saw on herself in the mirror. She had never wanted Spencer to know that kind of pain. Kya worked quickly and silently, cleaning all of his cuts and stitching the one on his head. He hissed sharply a few times, but for the most part, Spencer was quiet.

When she slipped her rubber gloves off, Spencer stood. "You can finish across the hall." He spoke quickly. He wanted to hold her. And he wanted to tell her how much she meant to him. She helped him into his apartment and when he shut the door, she looked slightly nervous.

"Take your shirt off." She repeated. Kya had no idea how she was going to make it through this without making a complete fool of herself.

Spencer unbuttoned his shirt and slipped it off of his shoulders. Kya's heart broke at the sight of him standing there, his ribcage and chest spattered with bruises. She moved closer to him, running her fingertips gingerly across the sore skin. Spencer winced, but the pain shooting through his body was nothing compared to the feel of her fingers on his skin. Kya worked her way around his torso, asking him every now and then if he felt pain caused by the pressure she applied. She couldn't help but skim her hands over the bruises a few more times than necessary. She wanted to kiss him. Over and over until he forgot this pain. She stood upright finally, trailing her fingers over the bruises on his shoulders and his upper chest. Spencer kept his eyes on her face, which made it even harder for her to concentrate.

"None of your ribs are broken…" She tried to keep her voice even as she pulled her hands away from him. "And there seems to be no unusual swelling."

"Kya…" Spencer's voice trailed off as he reached his hand up to touch her face. He couldn't go another minute without having her. She had to know. He had to tell her.

She closed her eyes at his touch. She didn't care that his actions made no sense. She didn't care that pulling away would be the ethical thing to do. She didn't care that he was with Lila. She didn't care. All she could focus on was the way his fingertips felt on her cheek and the way he whispered her name.

Spencer opened his mouth, but a sound stopped him. His hand jerked from Kya's face, and she opened her eyes as Lila stepped into the living room. The blonde stopped, assessing the scene in front of her. Spencer gulped. He had found himself in quite the precarious situation. He was shirtless in front of the woman his girlfriend knew he loved. And his girlfriend had just walked in the door. What had he been thinking? He would have to talk to Lila, to end it before he went off spouting his feelings to Kya.

Kya took a step back. When she spoke, the evenness of her voice surprised her.

"None of your ribs are broken, and there seems to be no unusual swelling." She nodded, trying to keep her face expressionless.

Lila moved across the room, worry on her face.

"What happened, Spencer?" Lila stepped between him and Kya to look closely at his forehead.

"Case gone wrong." He shrugged his shirt back on and rolled his sleeves up before starting on the buttons. "Kya has some medical expertise, and she was willing to look me over so I didn't have to go to the hospital."

"Is he ok?" Lila turned her gaze to Kya, who nodded in reply.

"He had to have four stitches in his head. They'll need to be covered when he showers, and his ankle has some swelling, but it's not sprained." She spoke quickly. She wanted out of this room.

Spencer seemed to understand this. He held his hand out for her to shake in thanks. Kya took it, grateful for the ability to escape. She dropped her eyes to their joined hands, and her grip suddenly tightened. Spencer was curious as to why she had frozen. He followed her steely gaze… Right to the crook of his arm. He instantly jerked his hand back, keeping his eyes from hers.

"Spencer…?" Kya's face was full of shock, worry, pain.

"I need you to leave." He spoke loudly, grabbing her wrist and tugging her to the door that Lila had left open.

"Spencer, there's no need to be rude…" Lila looked at him in shock. She had obviously not been as perceptive as Kya.

Kya didn't speak until he had pulled her out into the hallway.

"Spencer, what the hell-"

"Stay out of it!" He hissed, cutting her off in a whisper. "I just… I need you to stay out of it. I need…" He shook his head. "Stay out of it." He subconsciously jerked his sleeve down.

"Spencer, you need to have those looked at." She spoke seriously. "You need detox, the needle could have been unsafe…."

"Stay out of it." He repeated, closing the door in her face.

_**Omg. Spencer. Don't be an ass. D:**_

Spencer felt his eyes roll back into his head as the dilaudid entered his body. He knew that he should stop. He knew that what he was doing was wrong on so many levels. But, as the adrenaline of the drug kicking in spread throughout his limbs, he knew that he wouldn't be able to. He put his needle away, storing it and the vials in his messenger bag. He then glanced to his watch, cursing under his breath. He was late. He opened the door of the men's room and made his way across the bullpen, a mug of coffee in his hand. He strolled casually into the conference room, hearing the tension in the room screaming in his head as he felt every eye on him. He made sure to keep his gaze away from the crime scene photos on the board. They were too much for him. Spencer sat down as if nothing out of the ordinary was taking place, and, thankfully, JJ continued the debriefing.

He didn't pay much attention to the others as they sat on the plane. He tried, but it was hard to focus when he was so tired. Spencer couldn't remember the last time he had slept without a nightmare shaking him. He needed to be alone. He needed to think, and he had no doubt that his teammates could tell that something was up with him. He injected himself into the conversation.

"I'll map out the area and see if I can find any places the victims would have visited in the neighborhood." He ignored the way the others were looking at him. Geographical profiling was his specialty, and it was also a helpful tool to be able to work alone.

"Good. Maybe we can find a connection between them. I'll help you with that." Emily spoke up, scribbling on her notepad.

"I can handle it." Spencer spoke without thinking.

"I wasn't suggesting that you couldn't." Emily looked stung.

"Isn't that what 'I'll help you with it' means?" He knew that he should probably not act so harshly toward Emily. She hadn't done anything wrong, but he needed to think, and he wouldn't be able to do that with her looming over him.

"Reid." He turned to see the others staring at him. Hotch was the one who had spoken up. "Prentiss will help you with the geographical profiling and the victimology."

It was an order, and Spencer hated him for it. He rolled his eyes. "Fine."

The rest of the conversation during the flight took place in the background of Spencer's mind.

**_I hate angry Spencer, guys._**

"What the hell was that in there?" Emily was looking angrily at him, pointing backwards toward a homeless shelter he had just exited.

"What?" Spencer looked to her with an oblivious look on his face.

"He may even be in this room as we speak?" Prentiss spoke his words verbatim. "We have nothing to support that."

"We're investigating a serial homicide. Should I have pretended there's no danger?" He was getting angry now. What right did she have to tell him what to say and what not to say?

"We just left that woman potentially afraid of every man that walks into this shelter." Emily stuck her finger at the door to make her point.

Spencer shrugged. "Again, until we find this unsub, how is that a bad thing?" He was pissed, but he was trying to keep his cool. The way she was looking at him, though, as if he had no idea what he was talking about… It made him want to scream at her.

"What is the matter with you?" Spencer felt his brows raise at the question.

"What… What do you mean 'what's the matter with me'?" He tried to keep his voice even.

"I've never seen you act like this." That was it. All of Spencer's control left his body.

"Oh really? In the…" He paused briefly for dramatic effect. "Months that you've known me, you've never seen me act this way? Hey, no offense, Emily, but you don't really know what you're talking about, do you?" He assessed the look on her face.

Hurt. Pain. Betrayal. Shock. Spencer walked away. Good. She should feel hurt. She had been badgering him all day, and she deserved it, right?

**_OMGOMGOMG_**

Spencer walked into his apartment. At night, there was usually some pain in his ankle, but tonight was different. He was in a somewhat pleasant mood, even after going off on Emily again today. It hadn't been nearly as brutal as the case in Texas, but it had been severe. Actually, going off on her seemed to be the thing that had lightened his mood. All of the frustration, all of the anger had seemingly disappeared after yelling at his colleague. And, while it wasn't something he wanted to ever repeat, he didn't regret it. Spencer opened the door to his apartment. He had found out something rather important today. He loved his job. More than his addiction. He needed to quit. And he would. But, as for right now, he needed another hit. He knew that it would take him no time to go to the restroom, shoot himself up with the dilaudid, and make it back to tell Lila he had made it home safely, who was probably asleep in the guest bedroom. He glanced to the table and froze.

There was a vial of dilaudid in the middle of the wooden surface, a piece of paper underneath it. He picked up the narcotic, rolling the glass bottle between his fingers before reading the note that was written out in Lila's tidy handwriting.

"I can't do this, Spencer. It's hard enough to love you while you want her.

It hurts to be second, but I can deal with that. I cannot be third. I refuse to be third.

I love you, but this is it for me. I'm done.

-Lila"

Spencer felt sick. He clenched his fist around the vial in his hands. He needed it. He needed to feel the release it gave him, the complete loss of emotion. It would lessen the pain of being alone. It would lessen the guilt of hurting her. He reached his hand up to scratch at his neck. He was so damn itchy.

Spencer closed his eyes. He needed it. He shook his head, trying to deny himself. He needed to stop. He needed help. But who was here? The one person he had learned to count on had walked away from him. He could call Gideon. Spencer had no doubt in his mind that his entire team knew what was going on. They all knew that he was addicted. They all knew that he was stuck in a situation that he couldn't get out of himself. And yet… Not a single one of his so-called family members had offered him help. Not a single one had extended even a small flicker of light in this dark oblivion that he was residing in. He couldn't call Gideon. Or any of the others. They obviously didn't care.

Kya. Did she care? She had stitched up his head. She had bandaged his hands. Would it be asking too much if he knocked on her door at 2 am, wanting her to hide his drugs from him? Spencer opened his eyes. He was done thinking. He already knew that he wouldn't be able to step away from his job, and the dilaudid made it that much harder for him to work. He needed to stop. He wasn't exactly sure how he got there, but Spencer found himself in front of Kya's door. He knocked without a conscious though to do so. This was the right thing. This is what he needed.

_**WOOOO. Spencer and Kya forever, guys.**_

_**Also, if you were to leave me a review, I would love you forever.**_

_**You know, I'll probably love you forever anyway... Just for reading.**_

_**You guys rock. Okay.**_

_**xXx**_


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